


Followed Down an Empty Road

by GleeCastOST



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27221602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleeCastOST/pseuds/GleeCastOST
Summary: Beatrice is lost. Not literally, of course. When she meets a strange woman in the woods, her journey takes a turn that makes her question everything.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 140
Kudos: 341





	1. On the Horizon

**Author's Note:**

> look, i dont know. head literally empty.

Beatrice was running away. She knew that. But she couldn’t bring herself to care, either. On a dusty stretch of empty road, she pulled into a nearly abandoned gas station. Her once expensive and meticulously kept car was coated in dust and scratches. Oddly enough, this provided a small comfort; she drew less attention this way. With calm movements, she cut the engine and composed herself. It had been an early start this morning and she didn’t feel entirely awake yet. 

She stepped out of the car and headed into the small shop, ignoring the cold as it bit her face. An older gentleman sat at the counter inside, he tipped his hat at her as she walked in. He seemed just as tired as she was. Thankfully, there was a coffee machine in the back corner. It was her saving grace, her morning prayer. Gratefully, Beatrice poured herself a cup of coffee, black, before heading up to the till.

“Is that all for ‘ya?” He asked in a heavily accented voice. 

“Can I also get twenty dollars on pump number…” Beatrice gazed out the window. “The only pump.” 

“Of course.” A series of clicks echoed in the shop as he keyed in the order. “That’ll do ‘ya.” He flashed her a lazy smile as she paid. 

“Thank you.” 

“Be careful out there, weather isn’t lookin’ great.” 

“I will.” Beatrice gave him a polite nod before walking back outside into the cold. 

The man had been right about the weather, she realised, as she filled her gas tank. Dark clouds hung over the horizon, they almost seemed to be caught on the mountains in the distance. Blue fought with bleary pink in the sky as the morning drew on. Beatrice hunched her shoulders, trying to bring her fleece up closer around her ears. It did little to help. 

Back in the car, she dug through the bag in her backseat, eventually finding the prize she had been after. A knit hat. She tugged it over her dark hair, her bun poking inconspicuously out of the back of it. The car roared to life beneath her, and with her coffee nearby, she hit the road once more. 

After growing up in cities, it was still odd for her to see such empty roads. Sure, her parents had ensured that she was well-travelled, but their vacations were far from this. Hell, her parents had a peculiar way of picking the most contrived destinations, fantasy ideas of countries designed for the ultra rich. Those trips, of course, weren’t the only parts of her life that seemed fake upon reflection. 

Desperate not to fall too deeply into thoughts of the past, Beatrice turned on the radio. Only to realise, sadly, there are very few stations in the middle of nowhere. Nor is there any phone service, so music streaming is out of the question. Silently, Beatrice chastised herself for the oversight. It was a stupid mistake to make. She’d have to remember to download all of her playlists the next time she had service. 

It was a blessing the roads were empty, since Beatrice spent more time admiring the view than focusing on the road. Even with the threat of rain on the horizon, she drew closer to the mountains with every mile. Their sharp, illuminated peaks were stunning - enticing even. There had been thousands of instances during her ‘trip’ where she had doubted the very idea of it… Yet, moments like these made up for it tenfold. 

Day after day, stunning vistas were spread before her, violent in their beauty. Aggressive. Years of falsities and platitudes might have hardened her, and forced up countless emotional walls, but the solemn journey made her question everything. Beatrice had been journaling every day, fully aware that it might seem pretentious. But she didn’t want to forget a single detail. She _couldn’t_ forget a single detail. This trip was meant to help her break free from the mold her parents had forced her into. An experience like that demanded to be recorded.

Another two hours passed and her car effortlessly climbed through the foothills. At an overlook, Beatrice pulled over, climbing from the vehicle to admire the view of the valley below. Mist hung in the air, but it was burning away as the sun continued to rise. A black snake hugged the granite before stretching out of sight below her. It was the road she had just driven and she still couldn’t see another car upon it. 

Before driving away, Beatrice used the opportunity to consult the map once more. As suspected, she was close to her destination. Only a few miles up the road was a trailhead, and of course, a trail. The campsite that lay at the end of it was to be her home for the night, a peaceful respite from her life. Of course, others might call it an unhealthy escape.

As promised by the map, her tires sunk into a dirt road, which wound its way into the forest. There was only a single car in the lot, besides hers. It was a Jeep, she thought, although it was absolutely filthy. On the back window, there were two stickers, which had somehow escaped the worst of the mud. The first sticker was a National Parks Service logo, the second, a small pride flag. Seeing that made Beatrice smile for the first time in several days. 

She popped open the trunk and began to prepare her backpack. Most of it was still packed from her most recent outing, but she was nothing if not thorough. Each item was unpacked and repacked, meticulously arranged for maximum efficiency. Once she was sure that she had everything needed, she locked up the car, and hoisted the massive bag onto her back. Her legs threatened to buckle under the weight, for a moment, but she quickly regained her strength. 

The first mile is always the hardest. This was a line Beatrice had penned across several pages of her notebook, and it was always true. Sand and dirt puffed beneath her feet, matching her breath that came heavily, only to hang in the air. She’d never been an outdoorsy person before this, though not for lack of interest. Her parents had thought it unbecoming of a woman, or member of high society, to spend time camping. As they had called it, ‘tramping about in the dirty woods.’

It was a shame, of course, that Beatrice found such a peace in it. There were no expectations for her here. No rules to be followed; there was nothing tying her to, well, anywhere. That, in itself, was terrifying in it’s freedom. She’d taken several outdoor programs when she was in college, and had learned enough to be somewhat competent with her skills. This was the biggest trip she’d ever been on, by far, and the only one she’d done alone.

After three miles of hiking, Beatrice stopped at the edge of the trail. It bordered a lake, which reflected the mountains across its surface. Day had finally broken, and golden sunlight filtered through the trees. Though she had spent her entire life involved in the church, mornings like these felt infinitely more holy than those ever did. She pulled a snack from her bag and ate silently, admiring the beauty that surrounded her. 

It wasn’t until the sixth mile that Beatrice’s day took a turn for the… Odd. The trail had tightly followed the cliff face for the last few miles, winding between the forest and the imposing granite giants. In rounding a corner, Beatrice suddenly found herself in a clearing, with a single orange tent staked in the middle of it. 

“Hey!” A voice yelled from… Somewhere. Beatrice looked around frantically, unable to locate it’s source. “Hey, I’m up here!” Beatrice looked up, only to see a young woman dangling from a rock climbing harness, perhaps thirty feet above her. 

“Do you need help?” Beatrice dropped her pack to the ground as she called up to her. 

“In my tent, there’s a small bag of spare parts!” Her voice carried down to the clearing surprisingly well. “Can you throw it up to me?!”

Beatrice took off at a run, springing into action to help this mystery woman. As promised, there was a nylon bag just inside the tent. She unzipped it quickly, revealing a pile of carabiners and loops of rope. With equally quick movements, she closed the bag and ran back to the face of the cliff. From underneath the woman, she threw the bag up with all her strength. The rock climber caught it by the edge.

“Thank you!” She fussed with the parts in the bag, seemingly repairing and replacing whatever had led to her getting caught up there in the first place. Beatrice stayed below, determined to make sure the woman made it down safely. After a few quiet minutes, she descended gracefully down the wall, thanks to Beatrice. Once her feet hit the grass, she unclipped her harness and removed her helmet. Underneath it, a messy ponytail of amber hair. 

“Thank you.” The woman stuck out a hand. “I’m Ava.” 

“Beatrice.” 

“I’m really glad you decided to come out today.” Ava told her as she walked back to her tent, equipment in hand. Not knowing what else to do, Beatrice followed. “I’ve been stuck up there since yesterday afternoon.”

“Have you really?” Beatrice asked, her voice oddly strangled, nervous. 

“Yes.” Ava tossed the bag back into her tent and withdrew a bear canister. She pulled two packets of pop tarts out from inside it, offering one of them to Beatrice, who politely refused. “Oh my _God,_ I was so hungry and so bored.”

“I can imagine.” Beatrice stood and regarded her carefully, confused as to why Ava was addressing her as though they were friends.

“So, where are you headed, Beatrice?” Ava inquired, mouth full of pop tart. 

“There’s a campsite, a few miles further up…” Beatrice mumbled, feeling self-conscious. The way Ava said her name made her heart pound. 

“Yeah, I know the spot.” Ava gave her an easy smile. “I’m headed there too, actually. We could walk together, if you want?” 

“Okay.” 

“I know, a little bit forward.” Ava finished her pop tarts and moved to pack up her tent with surprising speed and efficiency. “But since we’re literally the only two people here, it’d almost be more awkward not to.” 

“Fair point. Do you need help?” 

“No, thank you though.” Ava chuckled. A few minutes later, her bag was packed. Beatrice watched her carefully. Most of her gear was well-worn, although some of the pieces were newer. Her experience was more than evident. 

“How did you get stuck up there, exactly?” Beatrice wondered as they walked down the trail together. 

“It was pretty stupid.” She laughed heartily before continuing. “It was just a quick, routine check, to make sure all the apparatus was still in place after a busy tourist season this past summer. I made a dumb mistake by not bringing extra equipment in case of technical failure. It’s literally the first thing they teach you.” 

“I understand.” In truth, Beatrice likely would have packed triple of whatever she needed, but she admired Ava’s willingness to admit her mistakes. “Do you work here, then?” 

“Not here, exactly. I work for the NPS, but I go where they need me.”

“The National Parks Service?” 

“You got it.” Ava turned around to give Beatrice a quick smile. “Why are you here?” 

“I’m…” She froze. It was a complicated question and certainly too complex an answer to drop on a stranger. “It’s a bit of a long story.” 

“We’ve got time. But, if you don’t want to explain it, that’s fine too.”

“Thank you.” Beatrice was genuinely grateful. Most of the people in her life would have tried to pry, or been nosy in another way. 

“Any time. After all, I owe you one. You really saved me back there.” 

“What would you have done if no one showed up?” Beatrice ran through her own ideas, none of them desirable. 

“Taken my chances and climbed down unassisted, probably.” Ava answered with a casual shrug. “Or fallen to my death.” 

“You’re awfully cavalier about it.” 

“It’s a bad habit of mine.” 

“Getting stuck or making jokes about serious matters?” Beatrice was innately curious about Ava, although she couldn’t quite place why.

“Mmmm… Both.” One of Ava’s boots was missing a shoelace, Beatrice noticed, but she had duct taped it tightly around her ankle. “This is a bit odd, isn’t it? Hiking and camping with a stranger.”

“It’s not typical. But, this is the longest conversation I’ve had in… A long while.” Beatrice admitted. There was a certain freedom with talking to a stranger, someone who didn’t know you. Moreso, someone who didn’t know your past nor your mistakes. 

“Honestly, me too. It’s been a lonely time. I’ve had to resort to talking to myself. It’s been quite one sided.” Ava paused for a laugh that she didn’t get. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Beatrice was nothing if not sincere. 

They walked for hours, reaching the campsite as the sun began to set. Above the treetops, gorgeous hues reflected against the stony mountains. Jagged sunlight caught in the damp grass as they moved through it, in silent reverence. Neither woman was quite sure of the other, although they were both grateful for the company. A shared dinner, however, might prove to be another story.


	2. In the Land of Giants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice and Ava's odd day together comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmfao i hate myself

“So…” Ava began as she expertly maneuvered her frying pan over the crackling fire. “What are you running from?” 

“Pardon?” Beatrice raised an eyebrow, watching her from across the fire. 

“I don’t mean to be rude, but this is Montana. You’re either born here, or you pass through because you’re running away from something in your life. And judging by the accent, I don’t think you were born here.” Ava explained quickly.

“That’s certainly a well thought out assessment.” 

“And I’m pretty sure I’m right. You don’t have to tell me of course, if you don’t want to. But I’ll admit, I’m curious. It’s not everyday I’m rescued by a beautiful woman, believe it or not.” Her words made Beatrice blush.

“What are you running from?”

“Nothing, I’m here for work.” As soon as the words came out of Ava’s mouth, she knew they sounded hollow. 

“No offense, but your entire job sounds like running.” Beatrice retorted before she could stop herself.  _ God,  _ she was rude sometimes. To her surprise, however, Ava laughed with surprising ease. 

“You’re right, you’re right.” She chuckled. “I guess that’s quite a long story, too.” 

“And you’re avoiding the question just as much as I am.” Beatrice added in a whisper. 

“Again, you’re right.” 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. I’m just… Well, I’m curious too.”

“Ask me a question then. Start simple.” Ava flashed her an easy smile, while Beatrice wondered how she could be so calm. 

“Really?” Beatrice wasn’t used to people volunteering information as readily as Ava seemed to be. Although she already had a feeling she’d never met anyone like Ava. 

“Really.” 

“How old are you?” Beatrice did indeed start simple, with the easiest question she could think of.

“Twenty five.” Ava answered without looking up from her cooking. “You?” 

“Twenty six.” 

“Oh, I didn’t realise you were so…” She paused for dramatic effect. “Old.” 

“Very funny.” Beatrice replied sarcastically, but she did smile, a rarity in itself. 

“You can ask another, if you want.” Ava mentioned quietly.

“Where are you from?” Another softball question, or at least, Beatrice thought so.

“Around.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“I grew up in foster care, I lived all over. There isn’t really any one place I call home. I guess I like being outside though.” Ava grinned slightly with a sadness in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s quite alright, you didn’t know.” Ava didn’t meet Beatrice’s gaze, instead continuing to focus on cooking. 

“Still, I’m sorry.” 

“Again, it’s okay. Where are you from?” Ava asked, although she had a feeling she already knew the answer. 

“London, originally. But my parents moved to San Francisco when I was in high school.” Beatrice’s answer was simple. Her tone wasn’t.

“Why?” 

“For work.” Again, a simple answer. 

“There’s more to it than you’re telling.” Ava whispered.

“There’s always more, Ava.” Beatrice told her, while Ava tried to pretend that her heart hadn’t just sped up significantly. 

“I’m gathering that.”

“May I ask you another question?” Beatrice inquired politely.

“You may, if I can ask one of my own, afterwards.” 

“Of course.” Beatrice paused, considering her options. “Where did you go to uni?” 

“I didn’t.” Ava answered quickly. 

“Oh…” Beatrice didn’t know what else to say. Perhaps it had been a stupid question, something her parents had tricked her into thinking was important. “What’s your question?” 

“Do you have a bowl?”

“What?” 

“For dinner.” Ava clarified.

“Oh! Yes!” Beatrice dug through her bag and pulled out her camping bowl. Carefully, Ava filled it with well-cooked and dressed noodles before passing it back. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Ava plated her own meal before revealing her actual question. “What do you do for work?” 

“That’s… More complicated an answer than you might expect.” Beatrice responded quickly, before taking a large bite of food to avoid further conversation. “This is actually really good.” She added in surprise. It was certainly better than the freeze dried backpacking food she’d been living off.

“Thank you.” Ava didn’t press her, thankfully, on the issue of work. “I think I’m better at cooking over a fire than I am in an actual kitchen.” 

“Your life is a lot different than mine.” Beatrice observed, almost to herself rather than her companion for the evening. 

“Yet we both found our way to the same campsite, in the middle of nowhere, on the same day.” 

“Fair point.” 

Ava didn’t reply after that, instead eating in silence. Beatrice watched her carefully, the dancing flames a buffer between them. For a brief, fleeting moment, Beatrice wondered what it’d be like to kiss the strange woman that sat before her. She quickly shook the thought away, unable to entertain the thought for another moment. After they ate, Ava pulled a leatherbound notebook from her pack, scrawling wildly across the pages by the light of the fire. Oddly enough, it was exactly what Beatrice had planned to do as well.

“Are you copying me?” Ava wondered with a playful smile, as Beatrice began to record her own thoughts.

“No…” Beatrice was immediately self conscious, even though Ava was teasing her in kind spirits. “I know, it’s a bit pretentious, to be journaling on my trip, but -”

“Who told you that?” Ava interrupted. 

“What?” 

“Who told you that journaling was pretentious?” She set her pen down; Beatrice now had her full attention.

“No one… I…” Beatrice trailed off, unsure of how to tell Ava that she didn’t know where the idea came from in the first place. Or perhaps, that it came from her own internal judgements. 

“I don’t mean to be rude, but you might be a bit happier… Or a bit more at peace, at least, if you stop worrying so much about what others think of you. It’s not only a waste of time, but in the long run, it usually doesn’t matter.” Ava stuttered, nervous to be so forward.

“You’re not wrong.” Beatrice admitted in a whisper. “But it’s easier said than done.”

“Anything worth doing usually is.” Ava told her with a smile, before returning to her work. 

Ava’s journal was messy, like she was. Each page was a surprise, a journey of its own. Some entries contained stories, others poems, others detailed directions to specific locations. Tucked between the pages were ticket stubs, letters from friends, and the occasional leaf. Beatrice’s journal was the polar opposite - a neatly composed accounting of events. It was even written on graph paper. Unsurprisingly, they wrote of each other. 

Ava wrote of Beatrice: ... _ I’m beyond curious about her, though it seems she has a thousand walls up to keep anyone from getting in... _

And Beatrice wrote of Ava: ... _ She’s a strange woman, to be sure. But she’s wild and free in a way I can only admire - never emulate… _

As the night grew longer, Ava flipped her book closed. “Goodnight, Beatrice.” She breathed, before crawling into her tent. She rustled around inside for a minute or two before becoming still. The fire between their tents was mostly coals and it gave off little warmth. 

“Goodnight, Ava.” Beatrice murmured. She watched the coals die before seeking refuge in her own tent. 

She was thankfully much warmer curled inside her sleeping bag. In the silence of the night around them, she could hear Ava’s quiet breathing - it was oddly calming. Unlike Ava, Beatrice didn’t find sleep right away. This had been the strangest day she’d experienced in a while, maybe ever. There was something else, though, a different-ness that she couldn’t seem to place. 

Morning rose around them. At first, the faintest hint of light dimmed the stars above. Next, brighter colours began to seep into the sky, a technicolour reflection on the granite cliff faces beside the clearing. It was a brisk morning, almost uncomfortably so, as a stiff frost had hardened all the grass. A tiny human in the land of giants moved silently, collecting wood to rebuild a fire. Her breath hung in the air as she worked.

As quietly as possible, Ava coaxed a spark out of the wood she had gathered. Even though her hands were numb with cold, she quickly turned spark into a flame, that flame into a fire. Grateful for the heat, she withdrew the moka pot that was always stowed in her bag. Ava knew it wasn’t strictly necessary, nor was it particularly light to be carrying on the trail, but she was fond of it anyhow. 

The sound of crackling flames caused Beatrice to stir and she poked her sleep rustled head out from her tent a moment later. Ava smiled at the sight, it was undeniably cute. 

“Coffee?” Ava asked, gesturing to her set up.

“Please and thank you.” Beatrice replied, stepping out of her tent to pull on a woolen sweater before sitting across from Ava once more.

“Good morning, by the way.” 

“To you as well.” Beatrice mumbled distractedly. Her eyes were wide, soaking in the beauty around her. It was overwhelming. Everywhere she looked was astonishing in a new way. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Ava said knowingly, watching Beatrice enjoy the scene. 

“Aggressively so.” She answered in a whisper.

They both sat in silence while they drank their coffee, as if unwilling to disturb the serenity any further. For breakfast, Ava crunched through half a bag of children’s breakfast cereal. Meanwhile, Beatrice chose a much more sensible option of dried fruit and nuts. It was one of many differences that seemed to also illustrate their similarities. Life is weird like that sometimes. Yet, like all things do, it had to come to an end. 

Ava and Beatrice each packed up their tents, careful to leave the site exactly as they found it. The forest seemed sacred that morning, neither of them were in a hurry to anger it. There weren’t many words shared between them during the long walk back, either, lest they disturb the peace that the wilderness had provided. 

After hours of hiking and thousands of steps, they found themselves back in the parking lot. It was an awkward moment, as they turned away from each other, and back towards their cars. But it was more than that, so much more. It was as if they were turning back to their original lives. The last day seemed fake, dreamlike, in it’s strange imperfect perfection. Ava tossed her pack into the trunk of her Jeep, before wandering over to Beatrice’s car. There was an unsaid longing between them, an unwillingness to be apart. Even after such a short time together, Ava was positive she was going to miss Beatrice. 

“So, I guess this is it.” Ava tried to be casual, but her tone betrayed her.

“I suppose it is.” Beatrice replied, sounding equally sad. She closed the trunk and turned to face Ava. “Thank you though. In an odd way, this might have been exactly what I needed.” 

“I feel the same.” Ava fumbled around in her pocket, withdrawing a small scrap of paper. “Here’s my phone number. I have a sat phone, so I get better reception than most. If you ever want to do… Whatever  _ this _ was again, you’ll know how to find me.” 

Beatrice took the number, savouring the tiny moment where her fingers touched Ava’s. “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“Glad to hear it.” Ava opened her arms for a hug, which Beatrice surprised even herself by accepting. “And thanks for saving my life. Really appreciate it.” Ava called as she crossed the parking lot.

“You’re welcome.” Beatrice answered, much too quiet for Ava to hear. 

She climbed into her vehicle and waited until the dirty Jeep had left before she started the car. Carefully, she placed Ava’s number into her journal. Beatrice knew she could never call her, never do this again, but she wasn’t ready to throw away the memory. Yesterday, oddly enough, had been one of the best days of her life. Realistically, though, she knew she’d have to return to work sometime. Lilith had probably left her dozens of angry voicemails by now. 

Eventually, Beatrice found her way back onto the road, fervently hoping to see Ava’s car nearby. She did not. It was only after several miles that she realised she’d been crying the entire time.


	3. Imprisoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice returns 'home.' for better... Or worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's for you, sam

Beatrice drove for hours. She was both desperate to put distance between herself and Ava, and incredibly reluctant to do so. Upon reaching the other side of the mountain range, her phone began to explode with notifications, an unwelcome greeting to be sure. With trembling hands, Beatrice pulled over and began to sort through them. As she did so, an incoming call interrupted. 

“Hello?” Beatrice answered, the spell of the wilderness irrevocably broken. 

“Beatrice!” Lilith’s voice was almost shrill on the other end. “ _ Christ,  _ I almost can’t believe you answered.” 

“What do you need?” 

“What do I  _ need _ ?” Lilith was understandably frustrated. “Beatrice, you’ve been gone for over a month. I can’t keep covering for you at work. Your parents are getting understandably suspicious.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to know I’m on my back.” Beatrice bit, perhaps more venomous than was necessary. 

“When will you be here?” Lilith sounded hurt.

“Hmm… Tomorrow. I don’t know when, exactly.” Beatrice softened her tone, immediately guilty for snapping at Lilith.

“See you then.” Lilith hung up before Beatrice had the chance to say goodbye. 

“Fuck!” Beatrice shouted, chucking the phone into the seat beside her. Fresh tears dripped onto her shirt as she pulled back onto the road. It was already a long day, but it was going to be an even longer night. At the first chance she got, Beatrice stopped for coffee. There was no way she was going to be able to sleep after everything that had happened, why bother?

A dozen bleary hours found her back in the city. Dizzily, Beatrice unlocked the door to her apartment, an expansive and modern loft in a nice neighbourhood. She hated it. There was a thick layer of dust across every surface. It felt as though she were reopening a crypt, resurrecting a life that should have been left dead. With a heavy sigh, she crossed the room, desperate for sleep. Quickly, she punched out a text to Lilith, before tossing her phone to the floor.

Beatrice:  _ I’m back. See you at work tomorrow. Sorry. _

Lilith:  _ Do you want me to come over? _

Beatrice didn’t respond, already asleep on the dusty bed. Morning came too quickly, a blaring alarm. She got up, already dreading the day ahead. As her mind was firmly fixated on Ava, her body carried her through an eerily familiar morning routine. Shower, dress clothes, breakfast, and coffee. Barely aware of her actions, Beatrice managed to leave the apartment and drive to work. Lilith was waiting outside.

“I almost don’t believe it.” Lilith whispered as Beatrice walked up to her. She felt so out of place in her linen shirt and dress pants, they felt odd after weeks in the outdoors. 

“I’m sorry.” Beatrice replied quietly, head hung low. Lilith pulled her into a quick hug, placing an inconspicuous kiss on her cheek. 

“We’ll figure it out.” Lilith answered, leading Beatrice inside. 

Returning to the austere office building made Beatrice’s heart ache. It was familiar and safe, representing everything she was  _ supposed  _ to be. The sound of her heels echoed against the white tile, as passing workers did little to hide their stares. 

“I managed to hide your absence from the board, our parents included, but there were a few dicey moments.” Lilith explained quietly as they worked their way through the halls. 

“Thank you again.” Beatrice was already miserable. 

“And you have a  _ ton  _ of work to get through. I know you can manage it, but…” She trailed off, watching Beatrice’s face with keen interest. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, nothing.” Beatrice shook her head and tried to compose herself. It was ridiculous to be this fixated on a woman she barely knew and would never see again. 

“Did you find… Whatever you were looking for on this trip?” Lilith’s frustration resurfaced, although it wasn’t unfounded. 

“I don’t know.” Beatrice answered as they rounded the corner and entered the executive wing. Of course, she had found  _ someone,  _ but she’d walked away. Ran away, more like it. Idly, Beatrice couldn’t help but wonder if running away was the only thing she was truly good at. Maybe she should start training for a marathon. 

“Well, no time for that now. We have product launches to get ready for.” Lilith told her as they reached Beatrice’s office. It was exactly how she left it, a haunting relic of a life she didn’t belong in anymore. 

“I’ll get to it then.” Beatrice whispered as she unlocked the door. Lilith gave her a quick squeeze on the shoulder before heading into her own office next door. Awkwardly, Beatrice sat down in her office chair, the odd familiarity of the motion deeply unsettling. In booting up the computer, she found that Lilith had been correct about the amount of work she had to do. Beatrice sighed as she pounded away at her keyboard, if anything, it could be a distraction from the pain in her heart. 

While she and Lilith butted heads more often than not, their relationship was more complex than that. Far more complex. Their parents were business partners and friends, leaving Beatrice and Lilith as best friends by proxy. As a result, their lives were shockingly similar. They attended the same elite schools, from grade school to university. Upon graduation, both women were funneled into elite jobs at the tech company their parents presided over. On paper, it was the model of success. In reality, it was anything but.

Of course, her personal relationship with Lilith was as changeable as the weather. During periods of their lives, they were best friends. Other times, bitter enemies. Most frequently, somewhere between those two extremes. Just because that wasn’t complex enough, they’d shared several nights together as more than  _ just  _ friends - under the nose of their exceedingly homophobic parents. 

Memories rushed around her, threatening to distract Beatrice while she tried to work. It was everything she could do to focus, instead of thinking about the golden woman she’d met. Was her obsession with Ava weird? Undoubtedly. But Beatrice was envious of her freedom, her lifestyle. She felt pinned down by this place. Sure, the bars on the window were metaphorical, but it was a prison all the same. 

Despite the sickening knot of emotions that stirred within her, Beatrice’s day passed surprisingly quickly. She even made a dent in her behemoth of work - the accomplishment lent her the slightest smile. With a satisfied grin, she sat back for a moment, looking at the computer screen. In her distraction, she didn’t realise that Lilith had materialised in the doorway.

  
“What are you smiling about?” Lilith smirked. 

“I got a surprising amount of work done, that’s all.” Beatrice told her, avoiding the suggestion in Lilith’s tone all together.    
“Well… I’ve got good news for you and bad news for you.” 

“Bad news first.” Beatrice didn’t meet her gaze.

“The board, our parents included, are coming for a site visit on Friday. They want a presentation of the recent projects we’ve been working on. Can you be ready in time?”

“Do I have a choice?” 

“Not really.” Lilith was sympathetic, she too was nervous for the visit. 

“What’s the good news then?” Beatrice shut her system down and stood, ready to escape her prison. 

  
“I’m taking you out to dinner. To celebrate your safe return to civilisation.” Lilith announced.

“Oh…” Beatrice was torn. It was strange, that her long-standing relationship with Lilith would suddenly feel dishonest, as though she was cheating on a partner she didn’t have. Conversely, she’d been living on freeze dried food for weeks, and a warm meal was an enticing prospect. “Alright, let’s go.” Beatrice followed her from the office.

Lilith tailed Beatrice to her apartment, so she could drop off her car. Then, she climbed into Lilith’s vehicle for the journey downtown. While Beatrice’s soul longed for the vistas she’d lived in during her trip, she couldn’t deny how much she liked the city too. 

“What did I miss?” Beatrice asked Lilith as she maneuvered her expensive car through the congested traffic. 

“We posted record quarterly profits and secured a new supplier for the new die in some of the devices. I told the board that you were in Taiwan, holding interviews with new manufacturers, who were competing for the contracts.” 

“Thank you.” Beatrice was grateful for Lilith’s help, even if she didn’t understand why Beatrice had to leave in the first place. 

“Mhm…” Lilith hummed as she parked. 

“What did I miss with you, personally?” Beatrice wondered as they stepped out into the misty evening. Almost nervously, Lilith wound her hand around Beatrice’s as they walked. 

“There isn’t much to report, unless… You consider my evening proclivities?” Lilith laughed humourlessly. 

“I suppose I do?” Beatrice wasn’t sure if she wanted to know, completely unsure of how the information would make her feel.

“Honestly, there was only an odd hook up or two, nothing spectacular. I’ve been quite busy with work.” 

Just as the rain began to fall harder, the two of them ducked into a quiet Vietnamese restaurant. A kind-faced waitress greeted them with a smile and led them to a booth by the window. 

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you two are an adorable couple.” She handed them the menus and left, before Beatrice could agree or protest.

“You don’t have to look  _ so  _ offended, Beatrice.” Lilith quipped as she looked over the menu.

“I’m not…” Beatrice was unsure if she was lying or not. 

Outside, rain soaked the streets, driving pedestrians into nearby buildings for shelter. It was rare to see the streets so empty, with the multitude of lights reflecting in the deluge. While it was unlike the astonishing natural views of her trip, Beatrice couldn’t deny the beauty of the scene before her. Perhaps more pressing, she couldn’t deny how much of her thoughts were still fixated on Ava. 

“What are you thinking about?” Lilith asked eventually, once they had ordered.

“I…” Beatrice hesitated. She didn’t dare to tell Lilith, or anyone, about Ava. An irrational part of her was scared to even speak her name aloud, as if her memories would cease to exist. “It’s weird to be back, is all.” 

“Not in a good way, I take it?” 

“It’s more complicated than good or bad.” 

“Isn’t that so often the case?” Lilith rested a hand over Beatrice’s, a caring gesture and nothing more. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“It’s nice to sleep in a warm bed again and I’m excited to eat real food.” Beatrice began with the easy, obvious answers. “I’m less enthusiastic about work, as you can imagine.” 

“I can.” Lilith, like Beatrice, had suffered under the expectations of her parents. It was a stifling predetermination that was frustrating at the best of times. 

“I’m nervous about the review on Friday.” Beatrice admitted quietly, after several minutes of silence had solidified around them.

“As am I.” Lilith was understanding. “I’ll make you a cheat sheet of everything that you’ve missed, to prepare you for anything that might come up.” 

“Thank you.” It was a small comfort, but Beatrice still dreaded the arrival of her parents. Conflict with them was inevitable. 

The waitress interrupted their conversation, sliding steaming bowls of pho to each of them. After a quick round of ‘thank you’s,’ Beatrice was alone with Lilith once more. 

“Can I ask you something?” Lilith’s dark eyes were piercing. “But I need an honest answer.”

“Yes.” Beatrice felt herself tense up in anticipation. 

“Are you here to stay this time?” 

“I don’t feel as though I have a choice.” Beatrice’s answer was honest, if nothing else. 

“I guess you don’t, not really.” Lilith sighed, sinking the oversize spoon into her soup. “Unless you were really willing to give up your life here and your job.” 

“I know…” Beatrice trailed off, knowing full well that she was willing to give all that up. Qualified or not, they’d both gotten their jobs through blatant nepotism. It never sat well with her. 

Later that night, Beatrice sat alone by the window. Lilith had since dropped her off, bidding her farewell with a kiss. It was familiar, sure, but she felt nothing in the moment. The city spread below her, distorted lights and sounds amongst the heavy rain. Without any distractions, her thoughts quickly fell back to Ava. Where was she now? What was she doing? Was it stupid to wonder if Ava was thinking of her, too? Dejectedly, Beatrice knew that it was pointless to focus on Ava any longer; they’d never see each other again. If only she could get her heart to agree.


	4. Multiplying the Miles Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava meets a cute guy and takes him along for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its not what you think, okay?

Ava drove east, opposite of Beatrice. Her reliable old car chugged along, the only vehicle in sight for a hundred miles. Despite the cold, she opened the windows, letting the air whip her hair into a tangled mess. She thought of Beatrice as she drove, reveling in a single day as the shadows grew longer and longer.

Somewhere in Wyoming, Ava pulled over at a small diner, connected to a gas station. She’d intended to just eat candy for dinner, but the opportunity for a real meal was enticing. As she walked into the station, a hastily written cardboard sign caught her attention.  _ Puppies for sale.  _ Her eyes lit up with a childish joy, as Ava broke into a run. The owner of the shop greeted her with a lazy wave.

“Are there any more puppies?!” She couldn’t contain her excitement. Maybe she was compensating for something, but she didn’t care. 

“There’s one left, you’re a lucky lady.” He gestured to come closer, swinging open the gate behind the counter. In a small pen, there was a single, fluffy puppy sleeping peacefully. Ava watched it, wide-eyed, her mouth slightly open. 

“How much?” She whispered, watching the puppy the entire time.

“Tell you what.” He gave her a kind smile. “You fill up your tank and provide him with a good home, and he’s yours to take.” 

“Really?” Ava couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Really.” 

“Okay!” She ran outside, almost nervous in her excitement. In a few minutes, her Jeep was refueled, and she blasted through the door. 

Before she paid for the gas, Ava added a bag of dog food to the counter, grateful that such a small shop even sold it.

“Is that all?” He asked as he tallied up her total.

“It is.” Ava grinned as he gently handed the puppy over the counter. “Does he have a name?” 

“Nope. Doesn’t even have a breed. Farmer that brought him in said it was a litter of mutts. Some type of mountain dog. You’d do well to keep him active.” 

“I can do that.” Ava’s face hurt, her smile was so wide. She gently cradled the puppy in one hand and hefted the dog food bag off the counter with the other. 

“You need help?” 

“No, thank you.” Ava gave him a nod and waddled back to her car. “You’re just chilling, aren’t you little guy?” She addressed the fluff ball in her arms with clear affection.

Was it an impulsive purchase? Absolutely. But did Ava intend to give this puppy a great life? Yes. With a laugh, Ava walked towards the diner, with the dog still in her arms. She was whispering to it the entire time, though thankfully, it didn’t answer. 

“Ma’am?” The hostess tried to get her attention. “Ma’am?”

“Hmm? Sorry, what?” Ava looked up.

“Dogs aren’t allowed in here, I’m sorry.” 

“Oh…” Ava weighed her limited options. “Can I sit outside with him?”

“Are you serious? It’s quite cold.” She seemed surprised by Ava’s offer, but didn’t immediately turn it down, either. 

“I am.” Ava flashed her a charismatic grin. 

“Well, alright.” She handed Ava a menu and watched her sit at the abandoned picnic tables outside. 

The waitress had been right, of course, it was cold. Ava unzipped her jacket halfway, and pressed the puppy inside. In zipping it back up, he was held tightly to her chest, with his head just poking out of the collar. 

“See, I’m a great mom.” She said to no one in particular. Once she was done fussing over the dog, she glanced over the menu, deciding to keep it simple. 

“What can I get for you?” The waitress stuck her head out the door, unwilling to fully venture out into the cold. It made Ava laugh. 

“A burger, please.” 

“With fries?” 

“Of course!” Ava answered as she retreated back into the building. 

As she waited for dinner, she watched the sky change as the sun set. This was the only building she’d seen in miles, but she savoured the vast expanse. Despite the near constant loneliness of her job, she loved the freedom. Of course, thoughts of Beatrice occasionally sprung up, making Ava’s eyes water. It wasn’t like her to form connections so quickly, or at all. Yet, she found herself begging a high power that the beautiful woman she’d met would text her. 

“I know, I want you to meet her too.” Ava whispered to the puppy as he snored lightly in his sleep. “You know what? I’m going to name you ‘just chilling.’ JC, for short.” She smiled at him, an adorable brown and black fuzzball. His eyes opened for a moment and his tiny tongue licked her chin. While it made her giggle, it did little to ease the emptiness in her heart. Only human companionship could do that. 

Eventually, the waitress returned to Ava’s food. “Thank you.” Ava replied gratefully, paying her in full so she wouldn’t have to return to the cold. 

“Any time, dear.” The woman replied, before leaving Ava alone. At the smell of the beef, JC perked his ears up, awakened from his nap.

“Oh, I see how it is.” Ava teased him. “You won’t wake up when I talk to you, but if there’s meat in the picture…” She picked off a small piece of the burger and fed it to him. 

She ate in silence after that, watching the day turn to night around her. The loneliness was inescapable, Ava quickly realised that. With a tender hand around JC in her jacket, she walked back to the car, her legs stiff from the cold. As gently as possible, Ava set JC on the passenger seat and wrapped him in one of her scarves. He immediately fell back to sleep. Ava smiled as she watched him for a moment before starting the car and pulling away. 

Another dozen miles down the road was a small, dirt turnoff. At the end of it, a small field overlooking a lake. In the distance, a mountain-studded horizon. Ava backed the Jeep into the field, before hopping out into the grass. She had long since removed the back seats of her car, instead building a bed into it. Underneath it were several cubbies and drawers, positioned smartly and efficiently. They housed various pieces of outdoor apparel and equipment. 

From one of these drawers, Ava rustled around until she found what she was looking for. She withdrew the metal tin, laying it gently on the ground. From the front of the car, Ava picked up the dog food and carried it around back, filling the tray. Only then did she wake up JC and carry him outside to eat. 

“Come on, buddy. You can go back to sleep once you eat dinner.” Ava told him in a whisper. He didn’t reply, but he did take a few bites of food. “There we go.” She sat on the edge of her bed as she looked across the lake. It was calm and completely deserted. Above her, the constellations burned brightly. With cold fingers, Ava pulled her phone from her pocket. The artificial light of the screen burned her eyes, but she checked for nothing. No new messages. 

“Looks like she’s not going to call, huh JC?” The little puppy looked up at her. “Don’t look at me like that, I already know it’s weird.” She bent over and lifted JC into the bed. He immediately walked over and curled up on her pillow. “It’s really going to be like that?” Ava had tears in her eyes as she curled up next to JC. She fell asleep holding him.

Early in the morning, Ava woke to JC licking her cheek, a smile on his tiny face. “Good morning, buddy.” The sun had only barely risen, but Ava was more than used to it. She chanced a quick glance at her phone, but was only disappointed. Reluctantly, she climbed out of the car with JC in hand. While she worked on a fire, JC wandered around, curious after a good night’s sleep. 

Once the fire was going, she set out a tray of food for him and started on her coffee. Ava couldn’t help but fixate on how, yesterday morning, she’d been making coffee for Beatrice too. “I know it’s dumb, JC, you don’t have to give me that look.” He stopped eating to look at the strange woman talking to him. Ava laughed, but it was humourless. With a steaming mug resting on the tailgate, she pulled out her journal. 

_ I feel like I’m mourning a life I never had. A life I never knew. I hate how upset I am over a single day, a single woman, whom I barely know. I’m even more impulsive than normal and I keep checking my phone to see if she’s called. She hasn’t. Part of me wants to go after her, even though it would be creepy. I wouldn’t know where to go, but that doesn’t mean I’m not tempted. Did she feel what I felt? Or am I delusional? _

A tiny bark interrupted her. Ava set her notebook aside and watched JC yelp at a squirrel that had crawled up a tree. After a few minutes of his futile efforts, he bounded back towards Ava, tongue out. She couldn’t help but smile as he crawled into her lap. “You’re pretty funny.” Ava reached into her bag, careful not to disturb him, as she grabbed something to eat. A granola bar or two would have to cut it, since she didn’t have the willpower to cook anything.

As she ate, Ava looked over the map. She could easily make it back to the regional NPS office if she didn’t hit traffic, which wasn’t likely. Even better, she’d start passing through towns sooner or later. “You know what that means, right buddy? We can stop at a pet store! Get some proper supplies for you!” Thankfully, JC didn’t reply, but he was enthusiastic nonetheless. Ava knew it was pathetic to spend her time talking to a dog, it was marginally better than talking to herself. 

Once the fire died, the two of them hit the road again. JC slept in the passenger seat, while Ava drove, quiet music drifting from the speakers. She tried, and failed, not to think of Beatrice. Even as the miles between them multiplied, Ava’s mind remained in that clearing. It almost felt like a dream, part of her wondered if it had even happened. Had Beatrice gone home? Was she okay? Was she thinking of her?

A small town and a pet store provided a much needed distraction. JC drew a lot of attention, as it turns out, everyone wants to pet an adorable dog. Ava didn’t mind, of course, it was nice to talk to people after weeks of solitude. None of them were the specific person she wanted to talk to, but it was better than nothing. Soon enough, she had purchased a few toys, more dog food, and a leash for the little guy. She also bought a collar, a pink one. It was the only one small enough to fit him.

“Don’t you look handsome.” Ava whispered as she clipped it on before they left. “Real Mr. Handsome over here.” She smiled at him before pulling onto the road once more. Ava  _ hated  _ how grateful she was for the companionship of a dog, even if she already loved him. It just proved to her how lonely her life was. Maybe Beatrice was right; Ava was running just as much as Beatrice was. Maybe more, since she’d made a career out of it. 

It was late afternoon when Ava pulled into the NPS regional office. There were only a few cars in the lot, but Ava smiled as soon as she spotted Camila’s. She tucked JC into her jacket and headed into the building, walking quickly to escape the cold. The halls were familiar, nothing had changed since the last time she was here. She found Camila’s door and stood outside for a moment before knocking, almost nervous. For no good reason, of course, Camila was her best and only friend. 

“Camila?” Ava called as she knocked. A moment later, the door flew open. 

“Ava!” Camila hugged her tightly, before pulling away. “What’s in your shirt?”


	5. A Complicated Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice and Lilith's past is revisted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now shit starts getting complex

_ Ten Years Ago: _

“Here’s the pamphlet for your new school. It’s the most exclusive private academy in San Francisco.” Beatrice’s father slid the brochure across the table. “Lilith will be attending as well, so you’ll at least have a friend with you.” 

“A friend.” Beatrice muttered, though she and Lilith had been fighting for the last week, likely a result of flared emotions from the move. “What if…” She almost didn’t dare say it. “What if I wanted to go to public school?”

“Public school?” Her mother was aghast. “You’ll do no such thing. Especially not in America of all places.”

“I agree with your mother.” Beatrice’s father pounded the table to emphasise his point. 

“We already purchased your uniforms and the housekeeper was kind enough to iron them all for you.” 

“Oh, joy.” Beatrice whispered. She didn’t mean to be disrespectful, but her parents seemed to disregard everything she asked for. 

“How  _ dare  _ you use an attitude with me!” Her father flew into a familiar rage, while Beatrice barely reacted. It was the same routine nearly every day, for one reason or another. “Your mother and I work incredibly hard to provide you with better opportunities than most kids ever receive. You should be grateful!” 

“Alright.” Beatrice answered coolly, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of crying. 

“Upstairs. Now.” He pulled her plate away, most of the food untouched. “Maybe you’ll appreciate your opportunities more after a night without dinner.” 

Beatrice walked upstairs without a word, trying to appear unphased. Once she was in the privacy of her room, then she could cry. As tears darkened the fabric of her shirt, she punched out a text to Lilith. 

Beatrice:  _ Truce?  _

Lilith:  _ Fine, but why? _

Beatrice:  _ We have to go to a new school together, might as well have a single friend.  _

Lilith:  _ Fair point. Have you looked at their offerings? There’s a surprising amount of choices. _

Beatrice:  _ I will now.  _

The pamphlet was still clutched tightly in her hand, but she unfurled it and revealed the glossy pages. Lilith had been right, there was a huge list of programs, far more than most schools. Top students were allowed to choose specialisations, akin to a college major. Beatrice almost smiled as she scanned the list, excited to see there were multiple choices for history. Before she could look any further, she was interrupted by a knock at the door. 

With hasty motions, she wiped away her tears, and opened the door. “Your father wanted me to come apologise.” 

“Why didn’t he come up himself?” Beatrice knew her voice was too sharp, but she didn’t particularly care.   
“You’ll have to ask him that.” Her mother looked tired. “Are you looking through the brochure? It’s a great school.” She asked, gesturing to the brochure that lay open across the desk.

“Yes. They have multiple history specialisations, isn’t that interesting?” Excitement bled into her tone as she spoke. 

“About that…” 

“What?” Beatrice knew she shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up.

“Your father and I agreed that it would be best for you to choose either business or engineering.” Her mother, to her credit, seemed disappointed to deliver the news.

“Well, at least I get a choice.” Beatrice replied sarcastically as she reached out to close the door. 

“Remember we have church tomorrow.” 

“Fantastic.” Beatrice closed the door and put her back against it, sliding to the floor. She felt new tears soak her face, yet she couldn’t help but wonder if she was as spoiled as her father implied. Never had she asked to attend these elite schools, nor forge ‘connections’ with the wealthy and powerful. It was a life that was thrust upon her, just as much as anyone else’s was.

Beatrice:  _ Can I come over?  _

Lilith:  _ My window is always open.  _

With silent, practiced movements, Beatrice opened her window and carefully climbed down. Once her feet hit the wet grass, she took off running. Lilith’s house was only a few blocks away, they lived in the same neighbourhood. The same pretentious, expensive, and elite neighbourhood. In an odd way, it felt familiar. Sure, she had just moved halfway across the world, but running away to Lilith’s house wasn’t new. It seemed Beatrice had an ugly habit of running away. 

Just as nimbly, she climbed into Lilith’s window, which was open as promised. “Hello.” Lilith whispered, with only a small lamp illuminating her angular face. Her tone was cold, as if she was still unsure where they stood. 

“Thank you for letting me come over.” Beatrice sighed, still trying to catch her breath from the run over. “I’m sorry for earlier. We should have been a more united front, at least during this move.”

“Agreed.” Lilith stood and hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Are you nervous about school?” Beatrice asked as she sat on the corner of the bed. 

“Are you?” Lilith countered, joining her on the dark comforter. 

“Not for the academics.” Beatrice offered a half answer. “For the social aspect, maybe.” 

“Same.” Lilith laid down, and Beatrice did the same. They laid side by side in silence for a few minutes, holding hands. 

“My parents have decided I need to go into engineering or business.” Beatrice announced eventually. 

“Mine have implied more or less the same.”

“I want to study history.” 

“I know.” Tears escaped Lilith’s eyes. “But it doesn’t work that way, for us.”

“Some days I just want to run away from them, from this.” Beatrice’s heart ached. “Maybe college will be different.” 

“Beatrice. You have to realise our parents will force us into a major the same way they’ve forced us into everything else in our lives.” Lilith’s voice burned with emotion. 

“I…” She trailed off. For all her brilliance, she had let naïve hope blind her. “ _ God _ , I’m an idiot.” 

“No, you’re not.” Lilith squeezed her hand a little tighter. “But you’re certainly more optimistic than I am.”

“I don’t know about your dad, but mine is already talking to the admissions office at Stanford. I overheard him on the phone yesterday.” 

“At least it’s close to…  _ Home. _ ” Her hesitation was telling. It was clear that Lilith still thought of home in England - understandably so.

“At dinner tonight he yelled at me, said I needed to be grateful for the opportunities he’s provided.” Beatrice shuddered slightly. “And in a way, I am. But every time he opens a door for me, it’s conditional. It comes with a contract. As in, I get to go to this fantastic school, but I have to study what he wants me to study. You should have seen his face when I asked if I could go to public school.”

“Public school?” Lilith laughed but there wasn’t any humour in it. “You had to have known better than that. And you’re right, everything is conditional. Even our parents' love for us is conditional, if you can even call it that.” 

“I just want to be… Normal.” Beatrice concluded. “I’ve spent my entire life being groomed to what, take over a tech company? My family’s  _ legacy _ ? There has to be more to life than that.” 

“Does there? Maybe this is it. People dream for a life like ours.” 

“That’s not helpful, Lilith.” Beatrice knew that Lilith was right, but the information brought her no peace. She hadn’t asked for this, she was trapped by her circumstances as much as anyone else was. Of course, her handcuffs were plated in gold. 

“What do you want me to say? We can run away together and escape this life?” A scoff escaped her lips. “We’re 16. We wouldn’t be able to find work and we’d probably end up on the streets, if not worse. And for the record, I don’t hate this life as much as you do.” 

“Really?” Beatrice turned her head to look at Lilith. She found that hard to believe, there were plenty of instances where Lilith had been just as frustrated as she was.

“Is that so hard to believe?” Lilith’s eyes met her own. “I’m basically guaranteed a great job after completing my education. I - we have easy access to opportunities most people can only dream of. Sure, it’s beyond restrictive, but maybe one day…” It sounded as if Lilith was trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince Beatrice. 

“You’re full of shit.” Beatrice whispered. 

“Maybe if I repeat it enough times, I can trick myself into believing it.” Sad resentment flooded Lilith’s words.

“At least we have each other.” Even that was overly optimistic. 

“For now, until we find another reason to hate each other.” Lilith was only half joking.

“For now, then.” Beatrice agreed. 

A moment later, their lips met, as they had many times before. It was warm, kind even, but their embrace still felt empty. Beatrice knew, even in her inexperience, that there was something missing between them. She was unsure if Lilith felt the same, but she was wholly afraid to ever ask. 

School came too quickly. A few days later, Beatrice’s mother dropped her off at the prestigious school. She stepped from the expensive vehicle, although it felt similar to stepping off a cliff. With overly formal words, she bid her mother farewell and walked into the brick building. Her new blazer chafed her neck, but Beatrice barely noticed it over the pounding in her ears. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she was nervous.

She’d toured the school the day prior, with Lilith, so she knew how to find her locker at least. With shaking hands she spun the lock, inputting the combination. Inside, her textbooks. She withdrew the required text for her engineering class with a sigh, desperately wishing it were a book for something she actually found interesting. The look on her face must have been wistful enough to attract attention, because a young man leaned against the locker beside her.

“Why the long face?” He asked, immediately charming. 

“How much time do you have?” Beatrice muttered, uninterested in the cute boy who made other girls swoon. 

“Ouch.” He held a hand to his heart in feigned offense. “What’s your name, beautiful?” Beatrice stared at him for a moment, surprised at his forward nature. 

“Beatrice.” She replied eventually, extending a hand for him to shake. 

“Awfully formal, aren’t we, Beatrice?” Lilith hissed, appearing behind her. 

“I’m Brandon.” He waved to both of them, clearly oblivious of the tension between the two women.

“Brandon.” Lilith echoed. Beatrice’s blood ran cold, she recognised Lilith’s malicious tone. “I know our darling Beatrice here is charming, but I think your attention is better spent elsewhere.” 

“Why’s that?” Brandon shrugged, his shaggy, blonde hair the epitome of boyish charm.

“Well, between the two of us, she’s not that great of a kisser.” At Lilith’s admission, Beatrice’s icy blood turned to fire, her cheeks burning in embarrassment. 

“How - how do you know that?” 

“Oh? Haven’t you heard? She’s a -” Lilith didn’t finish her sentence, on account of Beatrice punching her directly in the face. 

One punch turned into two, then four, then a dozen. A group of teachers had to pull the pair of them apart, their brand new blazers stained with blood. 

“Fuck you, Lilith!” Beatrice spit, blood coating her teeth. “You can’t let me have one fucking thing, can you?!” 

“Well, you’ve definitely made sure of that, haven’t you, Beatrice?!” Lilith retorted, holding a hand to her eye as it began to swell.

Outside the principal’s office, the two of them sat waiting for their trial. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Beatrice whispered, frustrated that Lilith was trying to ruin her fresh start at this school.

“What’s wrong with me?” Lilith looked angry as anything. “What’s wrong with you? I made one little joke and you started a fight! It’s our first fucking day!”

“Outing me isn’t a joke, Lilith. Can you imagine if our parents found out?” Beatrice didn’t want to imagine the possibilities. 

“Imagine their reaction when they find out we’ve been in a fight on the first day of school. With each other, no less. I’m sure that will go over well. Really, what a brilliant move.” The venom in Lilith’s words made Beatrice feel ill.

“I’m sorry.” Beatrice felt defeated. She didn’t want to fight with Lilith anymore than Lilith wanted to fight with her. 

“Our relationship is… Complicated, isn’t it?”

“It seems that way.” 

“I’m sorry, too.” Lilith mumbled, taking Beatrice’s hand in her own. It was a small comfort, knowing the wrath that the two of them were about to face. Before either of them could dwell on it too much, the principal opened his door and beckoned them within.


	6. The (Not So) Great Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava's past is revisited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally wtf? I dont even know dont @ me ok

_ 8 Years Ago: _

Ava slipped through the door of the darkened house, intent on never returning again. She’d graduated from high school the day prior, skipping the ceremony entirely but ensuring that she picked up her diploma. Now, with that out of the way, she saw no reason why she would need to remain in town.

Having planned for this moment of freedom for years, Ava had made dozens of preparations. She worked every weekend, every evening, and every holiday since she was fourteen. The money she saved up was enough money to buy a decent, if not particularly luxurious Jeep. It wasn’t that old, and she made sure it was in perfect running order. For this day, specifically. 

In her mind, this was more than an escape. It was a prison break. She spent all the time she wasn’t working or at school gathering supplies and knowledge. For her many flaws, Ava wasn’t naïve. She knew it was a difficult world, especially for a minor with no resources. Regardless, she would rather spend her days homeless in the woods than in foster care a moment longer. 

As she walked across the yard, she turned around, taking one last look at the site of her misery. With a spiteful smile, she stuck up her middle finger, knowing that no one would be awake to see it. A moment later, she was in the car. Her vehicle for freedom. The moment she started the engine, she felt lighter. More free than she had in her entire life. She rolled the windows down and turned on the radio. Her poor singing mingled with the wind as she drove, it was the happiest day of her life. At least, so far.

Weeks passed. No one tried to contact her, though Ava hadn’t expected them to. At some point along the way, she broke her SIM card in half and threw it in a dumpster. A few days later she sold her phone and used the money to buy lumber. In the parking lot of a rural hardware store, she bartered with a young farmer, trading him the back seats from her Jeep in exchange for a few hand tools. 

In that same parking lot, she cobbled together the backseat bed and shelving unit that she still has today. Granted, it’s seen some improvements along the way. It was dark by the time she was finished, but the sight of it brought tears to her eyes. The constant feeling of freedom was exciting, but terrifying too.

By autumn, Ava had built a decent set up. Along the way she worked odd jobs and bartered - helped along by her natural charisma. In Tucson we spent a few weeks washing dishes, in Cheyenne she worked at a weekend music festival. Everywhere she went she met interesting people with unique stories. Though none of them would ever become her friend. 

While she loved every moment of freedom, it would be dishonest to paint a rosy picture of Ava’s early months on the road. Outside a bar, somewhere in Oregon, she was mugged by a drunk man and a group of his friends. While the incident had left her relatively unharmed, it shook her idealisations of life on the road. 

That night, she found herself curled up in bed, parked in an empty trailhead in the forest. Tears coated her face as she sobbed violently. Even then, she was lonely. In her darkest moments, there was no one to talk to. Not that she had anyone prior to her departure, but her constant isolation seemed to drive the point home. As Ava cried, contemplating the benefits of freedom versus its cost, a knock on the window interrupted her. The noise startled her, doubly so after what happened a few hours prior. Nonetheless, she rolled down her window to speak to the kind-faced park ranger. 

“Ma’am, I got a call about -” The woman paused, her expression turning to concern. “How old are you?” 

“Umm…” Ava hesitated. She wasn’t  _ technically  _ an adult yet. Would this get her into more trouble than she was already in? “I’m twenty two.”

“No, you’re not.” The ranger wasn’t buying it in the slightest. “I’m not going to arrest you, I promise.” 

“I’m seventeen.” Ava admitted in a whisper.

“Do you have any family members who know you’re here?” She asked, earning a head shake from Ava. Of course, Ava didn’t have any family at all. “Do you have anywhere to go tonight?” Ava shook her head once more.

“This is it.” Ava smiled weakly and gestured to the Jeep she sat in. The park ranger sighed. 

“Give me a moment, please.” She retreated a short distance from Ava’s car and pulled out her phone to make a quick call.

Meanwhile, Ava watched her silently. Her hands shook in fear, fear that she would lose the freedom she spent years preparing for. Would they send her back to the orphanage? Back into foster care? Had she made a massive mistake by being honest with the park ranger? As much as Ava worked to cultivate her maturity and strength, she was still incredibly young. Life alone could be scary sometimes. 

The ranger returned, extending a hand to shake Ava’s. “I’m Shannon.” 

“Ava.” She replied in a whisper.

“I work at the NPS office up the road. Most of the ranger cabins are empty for the season. Do you want to stay in one? For tonight, at least?” Shannon rubbed her hands together nervously. She wasn’t much older than Ava was, but she could see a lot herself in this young woman.

“I appreciate the offer.” Ava thought of her roll of bills, stolen by the drunkards at the bar. In hindsight, she should have hidden some of them in the car. “I got… My money was stolen earlier, I can’t afford it.” 

“That’s alright.” Shannon smiled despite how sad Ava’s words made her. “They’re going to sit empty anyhow. No worries.” 

“Really?” 

“Really. They’ve got hot water, real beds, the whole nine yards.” At the mention of that, Ava perked up, it seemed to be the first bit of good luck and good news she had received in a while. 

“Okay. Thank you.” Ava grinned, genuinely.

“No problem. Follow me.” Shannon instructed, heading to her car while Ava climbed back into the driver’s seat of her own vehicle. 

Later, in the adjacent cabin to the one Ava was staying in, Shannon laid down in bed beside her wife. “What was that call about?” Mary asked quietly as she wrapped an arm around Shannon.

“I got a call about someone parked illegally at trailhead 2B.” Shannon replied, although the concern and worry were clearly etched into her face. Mary wasn’t oblivious to her expression.

“And what happened?” 

“It was a young girl, too young to be out here alone.” Shannon began, feeling Mary stiffen beside her. 

“How young?” Mary raised an eyebrow, nervous about what Shannon would say next. 

“Seventeen. No family, nowhere to go.” 

“What did you do?” 

“I made her come with me, and put her up in the cabin next door. For tonight, at least.” Shannon explained. “But I… I don’t know, I feel bad about just setting her loose.”

“Agreed.” Mary set her jaw. “But I might have a better idea.” 

While Shannon and Mary spoke, Ava stood under the warm showerhead, savouring it as the steam rose around her. Showers weren’t always easy to come by on the road, and were often freezing or sketchy. Usually both. A grin spread across Ava’s face at the simple pleasure of it, although part of her was embarrassed. Shannon had caught her on a particularly rough night, not all of them were like that. Right?

With her hair still wet from the shower, Ava dug through her bag, desperate for something she could leave for Shannon as a thank you. Her plan was to leave early, the moment she woke up, just in case. A big part of her was scared. Frustratingly, she couldn’t find anything in her bag, so she had to settle on penning a sincere note, thanking Shannon for helping her through a tough time. 

Though Ava was beyond tired, she set an early alarm, so she’d be able to escape without consequences. Her freedom wasn’t the utopia she once imagined, but it was better than any alternative she had. Even with the loud thoughts shouting through her mind, Ava fell asleep in minutes, warmer than she had been in weeks. 

The blaring alarm came too early, as it always does. Grumpily, Ava pushed down the tiny button on her watch before rising. With quick movements, she pulled on her socks and boots, having slept in the clothes she intended to wear. After a moment, she was ready. In her hand, she clasped the note to Shannon while she silently exited the cabin... Only to jump when she saw Shannon sitting on the cabin’s tiny porch.

“Good morning.” Shannon raised her steaming mug in greeting. “Coffee?” Ava could see a second mug of coffee on the table beside her.

“Are you going to take me back to the orphanage?” Ava asked, planted in place and shivering at the concept.

“What?” Shannon hated the fear she saw in Ava’s eyes. “No. Please, sit down.” 

Timidly, Ava joined her. “Am I in trouble?” 

“Again, no.” She gestured to the spare coffee, in a mug emblazoned with the NPS logo. Nervously, Ava picked it up and took a sip. 

“Sorry…” Ava knew she was being rude, or at least, not polite. As much as she wanted to be free and independent, fear often controlled her actions. “I… Thank you. For letting me stay here.” 

“You’re welcome.” Shannon was nervous too, though not as nervous as Ava was. “But before you go, I have an offer for you.” 

“Oh?” 

“Do you want a job?” 

“A job?” Ava echoed. She didn’t know what she had been expecting Shannon to say, but it certainly wasn’t that.

“Yes. There’s a few openings. We need people who are willing to spend most of their time on the road, checking backcountry sites, enforcing rules, closing and opening areas seasonally… That sort of thing.” Shannon hoped she was making a decent case for the position. She desperately wanted Ava to say yes, because the thought of letting her back into the world alone was sickening.

“I’m not sure if I’m qualified…” Ava looked down, deliberately avoiding Shannon’s gaze. 

“How long have you been… On your own?” There was no better way to phrase it.

“Four… Five months?” Ava did the math in her head. Had it really been that long already? 

“And you have a car, which you know how to drive?” Shannon inquired, though she knew the answer. Ava nodded. “Do you have any camping or backpacking experience?” 

“Yes.” Ava didn’t elaborate.

“I called my boss already this morning, she gave me the go ahead to hire you should I see fit.” Shannon smiled slightly. “Honestly, the job wouldn’t be much different than what you’re doing now, though you’d have to go where you were assigned. But, you’d be getting a steady paycheck and would be able to stay at any regional office.” 

“Alright, I’ll do it.” Ava didn’t need any more convincing. 

“Just like that?” 

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Ava shrugged with a grin. 

“Of course you do…” She wasn’t sure what to make of Ava’s words. “I just… We wanted to provide you with an option that might be better than your other choices.”

“I know. Thank you.” Ava met her eyes, finally, genuinely grateful for the opportunity. “But for the record, last night was not typical. Usually, it’s much more fun than that.” 

“I’m sure it is.” Shannon stood. “Now let’s get you to the office so we can go through some paperwork and bureaucracy.” 

Ava followed Shannon into the office, where Mary was waiting. “You must be the infamous Ava.” Mary greeted her with an outstretched hand. “I’m Mary.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Ava responded with a smile. Mary was surprised, though she didn’t show it. From Shannon’s description the night prior, she was expecting a much sadder woman. Instead, Ava seemed like a cocky, seventeen year old who was too charismatic for her own good. Of course, Mary knew how easy it was to bury one’s emotions. 

“To start, here’s a few NPS shirts.” Shannon passed a bundle of green, button up shirts across the desk. “You’ll need to wear these any time you are required to work with the public.” 

“Okay.” Ava nodded respectfully. 

“If you’re doing trail maintenance, or similar, you don’t have to worry about it.” Mary added, earning a second nod from Ava.

“Do you have a phone?” Shannon asked suddenly, going through a list on her computer. 

“No.” Once again, Ava didn’t explain further. 

“Really? I thought all people your age had a phone.” Mary quipped, earning a laugh from Ava. She liked how Mary teased her, instead of treating her with pity, as many had. 

“I’m not most people.” Ava retorted. It was honest, if nothing else. 

“Well, you’ll need this then.” Shannon slid a weird, blocky-looking phone across the desk. “It’s a satellite phone. Great reception, though it only gets calls and texts. Nothing more.” 

“It’s perfect.” Ava felt a strange affinity for the device. She picked it up, the weight was surprisingly heavy in her hands. 

“What else…?” Shannon hummed to herself for a moment. “Oh, you’ll need to fill out this paperwork and you’ll need a sticker for your car.” 

“I get a sticker?” 

“It lets you park in restricted parking, even during the off-season.” Mary told her.

From within the desk, Shannon withdrew a small box of NPS stickers. “There’s a few different designs to choose from, take your pick.” 

“Okay.” Ava was surprised she got a choice, but she filed through the stickers all the same. She chose one of the simple designs, though another sticker caught her eye. “Can I take this one too?” Between her fingers, a small pride flag.

“I don’t even know how that got in there…” Shannon whispered. “But sure.”

“I do.” Mary muttered as she repressed a giggle. 

A few hours later, Ava was more or less initiated into her new position. “I know you literally  _ just  _ started, but we’re already behind for the season.” Shannon said with a sympathetic look.

“That’s okay.” Ava was excited to get back on the road.

“Are you sure? You can stay for another night if you’re tired, no worries.” 

“It’s fine, really. I need to make a good impression with my new boss.” Ava grinned widely, before bounding towards her car, assignment in hand. 

As Ava pulled out of the parking lot and headed for the main road, Mary put a hand on Shannon’s shoulder. “I think she’ll do well, actually.” 

“Me too.” Shannon agreed, leaving their mutual thoughts unsaid.


	7. The Same Old Song and Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice makes a realisation, then a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is later than normal, but its *double length* - hopefully that makes up for it!

Beatrice stood next to Lilith on the roof of their building. Both of them wore black as the wind from the approaching helicopter buffeted them. It looked (and felt) like a funeral. Inescapable dread sunk through Beatrice’s bones as the helicopter landed on it’s pad. There were only seconds left to compose herself. A quick glance at Lilith confirmed she felt the same. 

The rotors slowed and time seemed to slow with them, for a moment at least. Beatrice’s parents were the first to step out, followed by Lilith’s. Finally, three other board members made their way from the helicopter. Everyone wore smiles, though they were equally false. It was a show, an act, agreed upon by all participants. Silently, Lilith and Beatrice watched them cross the roof, dreading whatever would come next. 

“Beatrice, darling, look at you.” Her mother greeted her with outstretched arms. Reluctantly, Beatrice stepped into them, trying not to shiver. 

“You look professional.” Her father told her with a nod. He was never a big proponent of physical affection. 

“Thank you.” Beatrice returned the nod. Beside her, Lilith went through similar formalities with her parents. Following that, they offered police handshakes to the remaining board members. 

“Now that our pleasantries are out of the way, let’s begin our visit, shall we?” Lilith started walking towards the door, a fake smile plastered on her face. She was beyond grateful that Lilith was taking the helm. “We’ll start in the design department, where our teams have been working tirelessly to develop products that are not only elegant, but unique. Of course, function and usability are king.” Lilith narrated as she walked down the stairs with Beatrice by her side and the board behind them. 

Beatrice, at least, recognised Lilith’s fake ‘business’ voice. The sound of it made her cringe. In the futuristic design studio, the board members wandered around for a few moments, looking over the shoulders of suddenly nervous artists. 

“Feel free to step in at any time.” Lilith whispered to Beatrice in a cutting tone.

“And to think I was about to thank you.” Beatrice bit back. “Alright, if you are all ready, let’s continue to the engineering lab the next floor down.” 

During the short walk to the engineering lab, Beatrice continued speaking. “We secured a new die manufacturer for the flagship devices, giving them a 15% increase in power across the board, with lower latency.” Beatrice was cribbing hopelessly from the notes Lilith had given her a few days prior. Her parents looked impressed nonetheless. “A more efficient chip also keeps temperatures lower, which eliminates thermal throttling in most use cases. Of course, as you all know, the search for well-binned silicon is a never ending one.” That comment was met with a round of forced, polite laughs.

The tour continued on, for hours. Beatrice and Lilith took turns wow-ing the board with technical jargon and sales reports. Granted, the company was doing exceedingly well, but the platitudes still sounded false. Eventually, Beatrice’s parents requested a private audience with her, one that she was powerless to refuse. Lilith continued presenting to the board, while Beatrice led her parents down the hall and into her office. 

“You’ve done well for yourself, Beatrice.” Her father noted as he sat in one of the two chairs facing her desk. 

“Not really for myself, though, is it?” Beatrice challenged, regretting the words that came out of her mouth. From her desk, she had a fantastic view of the bridge, and the dense forest that lay beyond it. The sight made her think of Ava.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He raised an eyebrow.

“You’ve said it yourself, hundreds of times throughout my life.” Beatrice clenched the armrest of her office chair. “You created these opportunities for me, I’ve done nothing to earn them.” 

“You’ve always achieved.” Her mother decided to join the brewing argument. “You’ve always been top of your class and excelled at internships.” 

“That’s true. But this job was given to me. Not earned.” Beatrice refused to meet their eyes, her gaze locked on the window.

“You were plenty qualified for it.” Her father’s face was red, a telltale sign of anger. Beatrice knew it well enough. 

“That’s… Not the point.” Beatrice sighed heavily and turned to face them. “Why did you want to speak with me privately? The site visit was going well, if you ask me.” 

“It was, but I’m curious where you’ve been the past month.” He asked, trying to get a reaction from Beatrice to confirm his suspicions. 

Unlucky for him, Beatrice saw the ploy coming and worked hard to keep her face neutral. “What do you mean?” If he was trying to goad her into something, Beatrice was going to make him spell it out. 

“Sure, Lilith was quick to feed us excuses. You were on a business trip, you were talking to suppliers. She’s good, but I’m not stupid.” Her father’s eyes narrowed.

“I never implied that you were.” Beatrice was scarily calm.

“You’re avoiding the question.” 

“Why do you want to know? Why does it matter? The work gets done, you make your money. That’s all there is to it.” Beatrice folded her hands across the desk, careful not to let her parents see how nervous she was. 

“Do you think all we care about is money? You’re our daughter, of course we care about you too.” Beatrice’s mother chimed in.

“Historically, that has not been the case.” Beatrice almost laughed. This entire conversation, interrogation, was a joke. 

“Watch your tone when speaking to your mother.” Her father told her sternly. “We did not hire you to this position so you could mamby pamby about and avoid your responsibilities. There’s been enough running away, Beatrice, yet it’s never seemed to work for you. Maybe it’s time you start accepting your role as a part of this family.” 

“Maybe I just haven’t run far enough…” Beatrice muttered, finding herself once again drawn to the window. 

“Oh, please.” He laughed but it lacked any humour or levity. “You’ve always been selfish. I’d have half a mind to demote you.”

“I’ve been selfish?” Beatrice had been calm before but felt her temper rising. “I’ve been  _ selfish _ ?” She repeated, standing in her anger. “Oh, that’s bloody rich coming from you!”

“I beg your pardon?!” Her father stood up, as if trying to use his height and size advantage as intimidation. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

“Neither of you even  _ love  _ me!” Beatrice felt the threat of tears, but she didn’t care. “I was just a gifted child to show off to your friends. A pawn in making network connections. An extension of yourselves to take over in your business ventures. My entire life has been controlled by the two of you!” 

“That is an awful accusation!” 

“What does love have to do with it? We’ve given you the absolute best! What would you do without the success that our connections are able to provide?” Beatrice’s father seemed unbothered by Beatrice’s accusation.

“I’d probably be happier.” She sunk back into her chair, unwilling to fight any longer. It was a fight they’d shared thousands of times, but it always had the same outcome. 

“Happier? Happier, she says.” Her father turned, an odd smile on his face as if her words were stunningly hilarious. “What does happiness have to do with anything?” 

“I guess you wouldn’t know.” Beatrice replied. For perhaps the first time, she realised that her parents might have been forcing her down such a difficult road as a result of their own issues. That didn’t excuse the behaviour, of course, but it at least lent her a new perspective. And oddly enough, made her pity them. 

“Where were you, Beatrice?” Her father seemed to have had enough of the argument just as much as she had. 

“Away, alright? I was away. On holiday, if you will. Is that what you want to hear?” 

“How long?” 

“Five weeks.” Beatrice whispered. Part of her, despite how much she tried to repress it, felt unbelievably guilty at the admission. That shameful part of her felt as though she should obey, do as her parents demanded, and otherwise bend to their will. 

“Five  _ weeks _ ?” Her father echoed in disbelief. “That’s a long time to walk away from a job of this calibre.” 

“I’m well aware of that. I’ve had an absolute mountain of work to get through.” Beatrice mentioned this almost offhandedly. 

“Did you finish it?” Her mother’s voice sounded small, tired. 

“I did.” It had been a magnanimous effort, but Beatrice had completely caught up.

“You didn’t think to bring any of your work on your… Trip?” He spit the word out like it was cursed. “This isn’t a small family shop, this is a billion-dollar company.” 

“I guess it wasn’t that kind of trip.” Once again, Beatrice found herself thinking of…  _ Elsewhere.  _ She would have given anything to be somewhere other than in her office with her parents. 

“Enlighten me, dearest Beatrice.” His tone was unmistakably condescending. “What kind of trip was it? Were you off galavanting? Sleeping with a different man in every town? Doing drugs?”

“No, it would never be anything like that.” Beatrice stood again.

“Are you sure?” Her father was nosy, if nothing else. 

“I’m sure.” Beatrice picked her few personal effects from the desk and walked towards the door. After swinging it open, she paused and looked at her parents. “First of all, I’d never spend any time sleeping with men. I’m surprised that, with all the time you spent in my personal affairs, you never found out I was gay.” Surprise and anger were evident on their faces as she spoke. “Secondly, I quit.” 

She sped through the hallway before they could reply, unsure if she should laugh or cry. Beatrice ended up doing both a few minutes, while hanging over a railing in the parking structure. The world spun around her, and for a moment, Beatrice feared she was going to vomit. Only the sound of someone walking in heels managed to bring her back to earth.

“Beatrice!” It was Lilith. “What have you done?” 

“Hmm?” Beatrice turned, fully aware she looked insane. “Oh, I quit. Also, I told my parents that I’m not straight.” For a moment, there were no words between them, a silence that was broken when Lilith slapped her across the face. 

“What the  _ fuck _ !?” Lilith paced around for a few seconds while Beatrice rubbed her reddening cheek. “Why would you do that?” 

  
“I just… I can’t do this anymore. I hate this life. I hate who I am in this life. I hate it here. Everything is artificial.” Beatrice choked on her tears as she tried to explain. 

“Why now? What makes this different from the dozens of times we’ve gone through this same song and dance?”

“I…” Beatrice knew the answer, she  _ knew  _ what had changed her. Who had changed her. “I don’t know, it just… Is.”

“What does this mean for us?” Lilith’s expression was ashen and unreadable.    
“What  _ us,  _ Lilith? We’ve had a toxic… Whatever since day one. I think we could be friends, real friends, one day. Once you get away from this life, too.” Beatrice sighed and took a step closer to the taller woman. “They’ll pressure you twice as hard once I’ve left. I don’t want that for you.” 

“I can deal with them. With the board shaken, it might be time for me to introduce some ideas of my own.” Lilith gave her a surprisingly confident smirk that shined through her tears. “I’ve always had more of a backbone than you.”

“That’s fair.” Beatrice couldn’t help but return that smile. Lilith closed the distance between them and hugged Beatrice tightly. For all their toxicity, she was happy that Beatrice finally found the way out that she’d been searching for her entire life. 

“What are you going to do now?” Lilith asked once they broke apart.

“I’m not sure yet.” Beatrice paused. “But I think I ought to start with a few phone calls.” 

“Well, I better go sort out the drama you’ve created.” Lilith hesitated, not desiring a return into the chaos.

“Thank you.” Beatrice retrieved her car keys from her bag. “And Lilith?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

xxxxx

“Ava, you got a dog?!” Camila exclaimed, pulling JC out from her jacket. “Well aren’t you adorable?” She told him, just in time for JC to get a paw stuck in her curls. 

“I know, it’s irresponsible…” Ava bowed her head. “But I spend most of my time outside anyhow, I think he’ll be a great companion on the road.” 

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Camila mumbled, her attention focused solely on the ball of fluff in her arms. 

“Oh. Sorry.” Ava couldn’t help but smile. Camila was cute enough on her own, but coupled with a puppy… It was a sight that could make anyone happy. 

“How are you? It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen you last.” Camila asked as she returned to her desk, still holding JC.

“I’m fine.” Ava whispered, following her. It was a half truth. 

“Wow, I’m convinced.” Camila shot her a knowing look. “I have a mountain of paperwork for you to fill out.” She rifled through her drawer with one hand, withdrawing a thick folder labelled ‘Ava - Reports.’

“Oh, fantastic.” 

“I know, I know. You don’t want to do it. But when Shannon and Mary were promoted, they told me I needed to keep an eye on you.” Camila slid the documents, along with a pen, across the desk. 

“Alright, alright.” Ava pulled her own notebook out of her bag. She had written notes about each assignment as she did them, in order to help with the paperwork later. It was a lesson learned the hard way.

“Thank you. I’ll just play with this handsome little guy while you go through those.” Camila smiled, overjoying with JC.

Methodically, Ava worked through the documents. After an hour, she caught up to the present - her last report. On the page beside the entry, she had penned a few lines about Beatrice, along with a rudimentary drawing of the woman in question. 

“Who is that?” Camila wondered, her eyes drawn to the portrait as much as Ava’s were.

“Just… A woman I met.” Ava was less than convincing.

“Be real.” The look Camila gave her made Ava shrink slightly. “You never draw people.”

“Well, it’s complicated.” And somehow, it was. Somehow, a woman she’d met for a day, had taken over a surprising amount of her thoughts. 

“You’re not needed in California until Friday. Do you want to stay the night? Maybe talk about it?” 

“I’m going to California?” 

“Why do you say it like that? You’ve been sent there many times before… Oh! Is that where the mystery woman lives?” Camila turned to JC. “You hear that buddy?” 

“Don’t bring him into this.” Ava couldn’t help but laugh. “Like I said, it’s complicated. But I’d love to say. It’s getting colder and colder these days.”

“Tis the season.” Camila gave her a quick nod as Ava returned the completed paperwork. “Plus, I have the nicest accommodations on site, if you want to stay with me.”

“Of course.” Ava flashed her a smile and they both stood to leave the office. 

It was dark outside when Camila let Ava into the massive cabin. “See? I’ve got a full kitchen, living room, and  _ two  _ bedrooms!” She gestured around. “Granted, it’s easy to be the top dog here since no one wants to work at the Wyoming office.” 

“It’s amazing.” Ava put a hand on Camila’s shoulder. “I spend most nights in my car or in a tent - this is amazing.” 

“True.” Camila took off her jacket and hurried into the kitchen. “Are you hungry?” 

“Always.” Ava set JC down, watching him scamper across the smooth wooden floors. “Although a drink wouldn’t be bad, if you had one.” 

“You know I do.” Camila opened the fridge and pulled out a beer for the both of them. “I’ll start dinner. Would you mind making a fire?” 

“Sure thing.” 

True to form, Ava had a roaring fire built in minutes. It lent the room a nice warmth, both in temperature and light. She returned to the counter, sipping her beer as she watched Camila cook. 

“Thank you for having me.” Ava told her quietly. 

“Of course! You’re one of my best friends.” She turned around with a mischievous smile. “So tell me about this mystery woman.”

“It’s a bit of a long story…”

“Well, I’ve got time.” 

“Okay, fine.” Ava laughed and then launched into the retelling. “So I was stuck on one of the cliff faces on the -”

“Ava! Do not tell me this! I will have to write you up for a safety violation.” Camila interrupted. 

“Pretend you didn’t hear that!” 

“You’re pushing it, buddy.” 

“Anyways…” Ava continued. “I was stuck up there all night. It was cold and super boring. By morning, I was weighing my options. Do I try to climb down without a harness or should I wait for someone to come? Granted, it isn’t a popular trail this time of year. Just as I was unbuckling my harness, I heard footsteps. I looked down and there she was!” 

“The woman?” Camila was beyond curious.

“Her name is Beatrice. But yes.” Ava smiled. She liked how it felt to say the name. “She threw my spare parts up to me and the day was saved. Turns out, she was going to the same campsite I was, so we went together.”

“Very Brokeback Mountain.” Camila giggled as she chopped ingredients. 

“I should be so lucky. I don’t even know if she’s… If she likes me like that. Or at all, really.” Once again, Ava found herself fixated on Beatrice. She  _ needed  _ to know if the other woman had felt the same way.

“I see. Go on.”

“We had a… Complex conversation. Over the fire, over dinner.”

“What do you mean complex?” So far, Camila had more questions than answers. 

“I don’t know how to explain it.” Ava finished her beer and Camila passed her a second one. “It was intense. It felt like she knew me, like she could see past the jokes and the…” Ava waved a hand. “I don’t know. But I’m still thinking about it. About her.” 

After a short pause, Ava continued. “I don’t know if she felt it too. I have to imagine she did. I’m so curious about her, I’d give anything to see her again. I gave her my phone number, but she hasn’t called. I fear she never will.” A solitary tear splashed against the countertop. 

“That’s really… Something.” Camila rarely found herself at a loss for words. “I’m not sure what to tell you. Obviously, I’d say pursue it, but that might be difficult.” 

“Yeah, that’s the problem.”

“You know what will cheer you up?” Camila filled a bowl full of hearty soup. “Food.” 

“Wait! I gotta feed JC first.” She dashed out to the car and filled his small metal tray with dog food, then ran back in and set it on the floor for him. “There you go, buddy.” 

“Does he have anything to do with Beatrice?” Camila passed Ava a bowl and a few thick slices of bread.

“Maybe…” Ava began to eat, as did Camila. “Maybe not. It’s a lonely job.” 

“I know. You don’t have to keep working it, though. You’ve been offered promotions a dozen times.”

“I don’t want to sit behind a desk. No offense, I just… I don’t think I could.” Ava whispered.

“I understand.” And she did, perhaps better than most. 

The rest of the evening held lighter conversation, thankfully, as two friends caught up on each other’s lives. In the back of her mind though, some part of Ava was always thinking about Beatrice. Maybe she would have to resign herself to the reality that she’d  _ always  _ be thinking about Beatrice, for the rest of her life. How’s that for ridiculous?

While Ava would have loved to stay with Camila another few days, there was always work to be done. They stood outside while Camila gave Ava a few files.

“I know you were just out that way, but we’re short-staffed right now.” 

“That’s alright, I don’t mind.” Ava replied. She genuinely didn’t, either. Plus, though she wouldn’t see her, she couldn’t deny that the job would bring her closer to Beatrice. 

“There’s been reports of illegal land use inside national park land.” Camila’s eyes quickly scanned her copy of the file. “Nothing insidious, it seems. Still, please be careful.”

“I will, I always am.” That was  _ definitely  _ a lie.

“No, you aren’t. That’s why I always say it.” Camila gave her a quick smile.

“Okay fair.” Ava set JC in the passenger seat and then climbed into the driver’s side. “See you soon. Thanks for letting me stay the night.” 

“You’re welcome any time, you know that. Doubly so if you bring that handsome little guy!” 

“Still, thank you.” Ava put the car into gear. “Love you!” 

“Love you, too!” Camila called back with a wave as Ava pulled out and headed down the drive. She always worried, not necessarily for good reason, whenever Ava was out alone. 

Ava’s first day of driving was uneventful. 

Ava’s second day of driving was uneventful. 

On the third day, Ava was having breakfast with JC in the parking lot of the park when her phone rang. She looked at it for a moment, it was what she had been waiting for, yet she was suddenly nervous. 

“Hello?” Only once she began speaking, she realised it could have been any number of people, and not the woman she had been waiting for.

“Ava?” Thankfully, it  _ was  _ Beatrice.

“Beatrice? I didn’t think you were going to call.” 

“I didn’t either.” Beatrice sounded as though she’d been crying. “I know it’s a long shot since you’re…” She paused, a humourless laugh on her lips. “Always running. But is there any chance you’re close to the Bay?” 

“Actually, you’re in luck. I’m a few hours south.”

“Really?” The happiness in Beatrice’s voice was unmistakable, even with her attempt to hide it. “Perhaps this is a bit weird, but would you like to come over?” 

“I…” The answer was yes, but Ava was insanely nervous all of a sudden. “I’d like that. I have some work to take care of here but I could be in the city by mid-afternoon.”

“Of course.” Beatrice was understanding. “Can I text you my address?” 

“Your address?” Ava hadn’t meant to repeat it, but she did anyhow. 

“Yes? Is that alright?” 

“I just…” There were a million thoughts running through Ava’s mind, faster than she could process them. “I’ve been sleeping in my car for the last three days and I’ll spend today tramping through the mud.” 

“So?” 

“So, I don’t want our first…” She’d been about to say  _ date. _ “Our first indoor meeting to be so dirty.” 

“Oh!” Beatrice laughed on the other end of the line. Only this time, she sounded much happier. “You can use my shower when you get here and I promise not to judge you.” 

“Well, how can I turn down an offer like that? I’ll be there soon as I can.” Ava replied sincerely. 

“Thank you.” Beatrice hung up quickly. 

“Well, that was unexpected.” Ava told JC, who was lounging in the blankets. “I know, I wish I could stay here like you, instead of heading out into the cold.” He only looked at her. “I swear, you look bigger than you did a few days ago.” Reluctantly, Ava pulled on her hat and boots, determined to make this as quick a stop as possible. In her pocket, her phone vibrated, most likely with Beatrice’s address. Ava didn’t dare look at it right now, she couldn’t bear the distraction. 

“Be good.” She told JC, before closing the door. He had food and water inside the Jeep, plus the windows were rolled down for him. It was almost as if he was gloating, looking at a cold Ava from inside the car, while he was snuggled up in her bed. With a laugh, she turned down the trail, eyes peeled for any sign of misuse of public land.

Half an hour into her walk, Ava heard a gunshot. Then two, then three. She took off at a run, towards the direction that she heard them. Off the trail, in a clearing, there were three men in hunting gear, shooting bottles off a stump. 

“Hey!” Ava walked towards them and tried to get their attention. “You’re not allowed to shoot firearms on federal land!” 

“Oh yeah?” One of the men said as they all turned towards her. Ava noticed, perhaps too late, that they were drunk. It felt eerily like a horrible night in Oregon. The realisation made Ava’s skin tingle.

“A bit early to be getting drunk, huh?” Ava tried to joke and keep her cool. The men lumbered towards her. At the very least, she would be able to outrun them, should it come down to it. 

“Are you  _ judging  _ me, little lady?” The smallest of the three asked as he drew closer, an empty liquor bottle in his hand. 

“No, no.” Ava resisted the urge to take a step back. She was close enough to smell the liquor on his breath. “Why don’t I walk you three to the front entrance and give you a ride home?” 

“Well, aren’t you a sweet little thing.” Another one mumbled, though Ava was unsure if he was being sarcastic or not. 

“I’m just trying to keep you three out of trouble.” Ava told them, hating the way her voice shook.

“See guys, she’s trying to keep us out of trouble!” Without warning, the man closest to her smashed the bottle across her face. Ava fell heavily into the mud. The world went black around her as the men only laughed.


	8. Don't Call it a Comeback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava somehow finds her way to the foggy city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt proofread this sorry was too tired

“Are you okay?” The words seemed to echo in Ava’s mind as she lifted herself from the mud. Thoughts were slow to come together and her vision refused to focus. A strong hand caught her shoulder, keeping her from tipping back over. But even in it’s kindness, the sudden contact made her flinch. “Are you alright?” He repeated, holding her steady. 

“I… Hmmm?” Ava’s ears were ringing and she couldn’t seem to put a sentence together. 

“You’re bleeding pretty bad…” The man who was holding her turned to his husband with concern in his eyes. “She’s in pretty rough shape, come help me.”

“What?” Ava was thoroughly confused, doubly so as the two men lifted her into a standing position. She couldn’t quite grasp how her body was moving. Hell, it was everything she could do to hold her head up. 

As they walked her back down the path, Ava’s mind seemed to right itself, at least somewhat. While it was great to have some control of her mental faculties, it also meant that pain began to creep into her perception. Beneath the stabbing agony of her head, she felt the familiar throb of a broken bone or two. 

“Do you need us to call an ambulance?” One of the men asked as they returned to the parking lot. Ava didn’t answer right away, but leaned up against her car. 

“I… I’m okay… Thank you though.” She managed to choke out a full sentence. 

“We can’t just leave her here like this!” He said to his partner, while Ava struggled to stay upright. Thankfully, JC was still sleeping peacefully in the car - she hadn’t been gone that long. 

“It’s f-fine. Really.” Ava held up a hand. “I’ll call it in, no… Worries.” She retrieved her phone from her bag and looked at the keypad. The numbers swam before her eyes. 

“No. Absolutely not.” The couple looked between each other. “Here, come with me. My husband will drive your car to the hospital so that it’s ready for you.” 

“That’s… Really nice.” Ava didn’t have the fortitude to argue. 

“Well, we’ve got to help each other out, don’t we?” He nodded to the small, rainbow sticker in her windshield. It made Ava smile.

Camila was just opening her lunch as the phone rang. Upon seeing Ava’s number flash across the screen, she smiled. Standing up, she answered the phone and walked outside, intent on taking the call on the porch.

“Ava? What’s up?” 

“Hi…” 

“Ava.” Camila repeated. She recognised that tone and it usually meant trouble. “What’s wrong?” 

“Don’t be mad.” 

“Please, just tell me.” Camila felt as though there wasn't enough air in the world to fill her lungs. 

“I need you to fill out forms UA-345 and UA-65.” While her journey to the hospital and subsequent medical care had been reluctantly received, Ava felt as though she was closer to functioning now. As a result, she could now speak in full sentences… And be rather roundabout as to what had happened. 

“Those are…” Camila paused as she did the math. “Those are incident reports. Violence and gun usage.”

“Mhm…” Ava hummed, unwilling to provide any more information than was necessary. 

“I thought it was just your run of the mill… I just…” Camila stuttered as her mind quickly ran through the terrible possibilities. “Ava, are you okay?”

“...Yes.” 

“You’re lying.” Camila wasn’t sure if she should be worried or angry. She settled on both. 

“I’ve got… A few small booboos. Nothing major.” JC looked up at her as she said that; even a puppy could see through her poorly masked lies. 

“Ava.” Camila’s voice became more threatening. 

  
“Alright…” Ava sighed and laid back onto her bed. She was still parked in the hospital lot and she brutally ripped the plastic bracelet from her wrist. “I have nine stitches in my head.” 

“Are you serious?!” 

“And…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “My wrist is broken and I have three broken ribs…” 

“ _You what?!_ ” Camila yelled, startling both Ava and JC alike. 

“Also I might have a concussion but I’m not sure.” Ava quickly mumbled, bracing for more yelling from Camila.

“What happened?” Surprisingly, Camila kept her cool. 

“I was doing a normal sweep, as usual. I heard gunshots, so I ran to where they were coming from.” 

“Okay, so I’m going to stop you right there.” Camila couldn’t help but be frustrated. “Why would you run towards them?” 

“Well, what if someone was in trouble? Or they were hunting? It’s not a hunting zone nor is it even the season for it!” 

“Yes, but guns are _dangerous._ ” She put emphasis on the word, hoping that would help Ava understand the gravity of the situation. 

“Right. Sorry.” 

“I’ll fill out the reports for you.” Camila took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “Are you okay?” 

“More or less.” 

“I want you to take a few days off, at least. Try to rest. Can you please do that for me? Go meet your mystery woman if you want, just keep the sex gentle, okay?” A laugh escaped Camila’s lips as she spoke. 

Ava sat bolt upright. _Beatrice!_ In all the chaos, Ava had nearly forgotten about her _date._ She was supposed to be there in… Now.

“Actually, she called me.” Ava reported, completely ignoring Camila’s inappropriate joke, especially since her friend couldn’t see the violent blush on her cheeks. 

“Really? All the more reason to take a break.” Camila made herself a few mental notes. “Go. Have fun. Rest! I will take care of all the paperwork for this and I’ll call in the incident. But don’t think for a moment that I won’t be checking in on you daily.” 

“Okay, okay.” Ava chuckled. 

“Don’t laugh. I’m serious. If you don’t rest, I will be angry.” 

“Camila, no offense, but you’re not that intimidating.” 

“I can be!” She even sounded adorable through the phone. “You just haven’t given me a good reason to be… Yet.” 

“I’m sure. Anyways, I should go. Sorry again.” 

“You have nothing to apologise for. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

After the call disconnected, Ava sat silently next to JC for a moment. “I’d better text Beatrice, huh? She’ll want to know why I’m late.” He didn’t answer, but a lick across Ava’s hand confirmed that he agreed. Awkwardly, with one had, Ava typed out a message to Beatrice. This time, the numbers didn’t swim around, which she was grateful for. 

Ava: _So sorry, something came up at work, took longer than I thought. I’ll be a bit late, is that okay?_

Beatrice: _Of course._

Ava smiled at her response, before driving away. Granted, the doctor had told her to try and avoid driving, but she didn’t really have a choice. She stopped frequently, to give herself a break and let JC run around a little bit. By the time she crossed into the city proper, the sky was aflame with cotton candy hues. Each mile she covered, however, seemed to make her a little bit more nervous. Normally, Ava wasn’t the type of person to get particularly nervous. There was just something about Beatrice. 

She double checked the address, then triple checked it. This was one of the fanciest buildings that Ava had ever seen. Frankly, she wasn’t even sure if they’d let her in. Outside, she tenderly tucked some dog food into her bag. She wrapped JC in her blanket and tucked him in afterwards. His little, furry head popped out of the top. 

“Perfect. Now don’t be too loud, okay? They don’t normally let riff raff like us into places like these.” 

With as much false confidence as she could muster, Ava walked to the door. A man in uniform tipped his hat to her. 

“Who are you here to visit, ma’am?” 

“Beatrice.” Ava realised she didn’t even know the woman’s last name.

“Very well.” He gestured to the elevator at the end of the lobby. It had an attendant. 

Painfully aware of the eyes that followed her across the extraordinary appointed room, Ava ducked into the elevator. “Which floor, ma’am?” The elevator attendant asked in a polite voice. She quickly glanced at the address on her phone. 

“Fifteen, please.” 

“Of course.” He nodded and pressed the ornate button. 

The fifteenth floor only had four apartments on it, which seemed weird, at least to Ava. To be fair, this was a reality she was separated from. At the hallway window, she caught a glimpse of the city. Lights and cars moved about, shining in the distance. It was beautiful, in an odd way. Her eyes refocused and Ava caught her own reflection in the window. Broken, muddy, with a mutt in her backpack. 

She sighed deeply. Was this really who she was? For several seconds, her breath came heavy and she nearly turned around. Beatrice’s door was just at the end of the hallway, but Ava didn’t know if she had the strength to close the distance. With her hand pressed against the cold glass, she managed to ground herself and calm down, though the nervousness remained. Slowly, painfully, she took the final steps needed, and knocked on the door. 

Though Beatrice had been expecting the knock, she jumped at the noise. She quickly scanned the room, to ensure there wasn’t a single item out of place. Granted, that seemed awfully silly, but she was nervous. Her hand trembled as she reached out to open the door, almost scared that it _wouldn’t_ be Ava. That it would be someone else, instead. Someone worse. 

“Ava.” Beatrice whispered as she finally swung open the door. Her look of relief quickly turned to that of worry when she saw the injuries adorning her body. “What happened to you?” She ushered Ava in, her nerves all but forgotten. 

“I told you, something came up.” Ava shrugged, standing uncomfortably in Beatrice’s living room. The room was far too clean and she was far too dirty. “That’s why I was late.” 

“I don’t care that you were late, I just care that you’re alright.” Beatrice took a step forward. She was certainly emboldened by the events this morning. 

“I’d like you to meet someone.” Ava grinned, desperately wanting to change the subject. She gently set her backpack down and withdrew JC from the pouch. “This is JC.”

“Please, please tell me that it isn’t short for _Jesus Christ._ ” Beatrice was no longer religious, but she still had some respect. 

“Ha!” Ava’s face lit up. “No, it stands for ‘just chilling.’”

“That might be worse.” Beatrice took the dog in her hands, smiling at his adorable face. He licked her cheek. Idly, she couldn’t help but wonder if Ava had bought him to feel the loneliness she’d felt after… No, that would be ridiculous. 

“I…” Ava felt out of place. “I’m sorry to show up like… This.”

“It’s alright, it’s okay.” Beatrice reassured her. “Why don’t you wash up? I can watch… JC.” 

“Are you sure?” Ava wanted nothing less than to be a burden.

“I’m sure.” Beatrice smiled at her, while Ava only stared. Her smile seemed to make the rest of the room go dim in comparison. 

“I didn’t think to bring up a change of clothes, I’ll have to run back down to the -”

“I’m sure I have something that will fit you.” Beatrice looked calm, holding JC in her arms, but she was anything but. All she wanted was for Ava to stay. Every minute they spent together was proof that Ava was real, not just a figment of her imagination. 

“Are you sure?” Ava repeated herself, unsure of what else to say. 

“Again, yes. The bathroom is down the hall, to the right.” She pointed in it’s direction. “Once you’re done, I can make you dinner, if you want.” 

“Really?”

“Well, you made me dinner last time…” Beatrice trailed off, nervous and confident simultaneously. 

“Fair point.” Ava whispered with a grin before wandering down the hall.

Beatrice had the nicest bathroom Ava had ever seen. She marvelled at it for a few minutes, standing silently with her jaw agape. Silently, she stepped up to the giant mirror, aghast at her reflection. Blood had stained the entire front of her NPS shirt… There was a surprising amount of blood. The sight of it made Ava dizzy. With shaking fingers, she unbuttoned the shirt. It was slightly difficult, of course, with one of her hands in a thick cast. She almost wondered if she should have asked Beatrice for help, but couldn’t stomach the thought.

Eventually, Ava managed to climb out of her filthy clothes. Tenderly, she traced the bruising across her ribcage. It was an odd technicolour mix, beautiful in it’s own way. She stifled a laugh as she climbed into the shower. Part of her thought this was a dream, a false reality, and she was still face down in the forest somewhere. Even those intrusive thoughts didn’t stop her from enjoying a safe, warm shower. As dirt and blood washed away, she felt infinitely better. Sure, the stitches across her forehead burned in the water, but it was more than worth it. 

Sometime while she was showering, Beatrice had reached in, and placed a set of pajamas on the counter. Ava held the fabric between her hands. It was nicer than anything she owned. She tried not to fixate on that as she slipped into them. With a sharp pain in her side, Ava bent down to pick up her dirty clothes… Only to find them missing. Had Beatrice taken them? Ava wasn’t sure if she should be embarrassed or thankful. 

After a few moments of hesitation, Ava opened the door and walked back down the hall. She found Beatrice sitting on the couch, a sleepy JC beside her. 

“Thank you.” Ava whispered, oddly comforted by the sight of them. 

“You…” Beatrice seemed to be thinking over her thoughts. “You don’t need to thank me.” 

With a slight wince, Ava sat beside her. “We should… Talk.” 

“I agree.”


	9. Please, Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Beatrice share dinner and a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick, but I'm still updating cuz im a fuckin animal

“So…” Ava began, with a nervous smile. “How are you?” 

“This is weird, right?” Beatrice matched her smile, but it seemed slightly forced. “I’m…” She thought about work that morning. It felt like a lifetime ago. “I quit my job today.” 

“What? Why?” Concern flooded Ava’s expression and she had to restrain herself from reaching out towards Beatrice. 

An odd laugh escaped her lips. “Maybe this sounds… Insane. But I’m going to say it anyway. The past few weeks forced me to realise that there are other options. For life.”

“Oh?” Ava was unsure of what to say, preferring to let Beatrice keep talking. 

“ _ You  _ made me realise.” She added in a whisper. Her words seemed to change the atmosphere of the room. 

“I… Sorry, what?” 

“This is a bit forward, I’m aware.” Beatrice shifted slightly in her nervousness but JC remained curled against her leg. “You were just so… Free, for lack of a better word. It was… Is everything I envied.” 

“Are you okay?” Ava managed to ask, choking a few words from her stunned silence. It was mind-boggling to her that someone, that  _ Beatrice,  _ would envy her. 

“This morning, the answer would have been no.” A grin crept across her face as she remembered. “But I’m oddly at peace with it right now. Maybe the other shoe just hasn’t fallen yet. I think I should be asking you that, though.” 

“I’m okay.” 

“Can I ask what happened?” Beatrice stood, careful not to disturb the puppy. “Come on, I’ll start dinner while we talk.” 

“You had me at dinner.” Ava joked as she followed Beatrice into her pristine kitchen. With a painful movement, she sat at the expansive countertop and watched as Beatrice floated around the room. 

“Tea?” Beatrice offered quietly as she flipped the switch on her sleek, electric kettle. 

“Yes, please.” Try as she might, Ava couldn’t keep her eyes off the woman standing in front of her. 

“May I ask what happened?” 

“There were several reports of illegal and damaging land usage. Normally, they would have sent someone closer, but I didn’t mind going and we’re short staffed anyhow.” Ava began quietly. 

Beatrice didn’t speak so Ava continued. “Camila sends me these assignments quite often and the vast majority of the time, it’s nothing dangerous. Off-trail parties, driving four wheelers through protected environments… That’s usually what it is.” She took a deep breath and continued. “When I got there, I heard gunshots, so I ran towards the noise, just in case.” 

“You did  _ what _ ?” Beatrice nearly dropped the mug in her hand. 

“I thought someone might be in trouble, I only wanted to help…” Ava defended herself.

“I understand.” Beatrice immediately softened. She admired Ava’s selflessness.

“Turns out it was a group of drunkards shooting for fun. They were breaking not only local ordinance but also federal law.” It was as if Ava was more angry about that than her own injuries.

“Here.” Beatrice tenderly handed her a steaming cup of tea, which Ava accepted gratefully. Their fingers touched for the briefest moment during the exchange, a fiery connection. Ava had to suppress a gasp, and from the look on Beatrice’s face, she did too.

“Anyways…” Ava struggled to form a sentence, surprisingly  _ not  _ because of her injuries. “They were not pleased that I told them to stop.”

“Evidently.” While Beatrice worked to keep a neutral expression, her heart hammered furiously in her chest. 

“Thankfully, a lovely couple helped me back to my car and to the hospital.” Ava glossed over more than a few details but this conversation was making her more than uncomfortable. She hated the worry in Beatrice’s eyes. 

“Should you have driven here?”

“No. Probably not.” A hushed admission from Ava made Beatrice frustrated. “But I didn’t want to be late.” 

“Ava.” She placed her hands on the counter, brutally aware of how little space was between them. “Next time, I’d rather you take care of yourself.”

“Okay…” 

“Although I’d prefer if there wasn’t a next time.” Beatrice mumbled, wishing at the very least that Ava hadn’t been alone. 

“Fair point.” Ava bowed her head. “I just… I wanted to see you.”

Beatrice didn’t answer immediately, shocked by Ava’s words. Had Ava felt the same way after their fateful day together? Did Ava feel the same way now?

“I… I should start cooking.” Beatrice immediately got to work. She felt as though she might combust if she stayed still a moment longer. Ava seemed to sense her discomfort and didn’t comment on it. 

After a few minutes of silence between them, Ava spoke once more. “It wasn’t  _ just  _ a job, was it?” 

“What do you mean?”

“There was something… Off - about the way you told me you’d quit. It just seemed as though there was more to the situation than you’ve let on.” 

“You’re right.” Beatrice mumbled. Ava was intuitive, if nothing else.

“Is this our relationship, then?” Ava chuckled. “We meet randomly under bizarre circumstances, eat food, and tell each other secrets? Only to part ways just as suddenly?” 

“I’d certainly like it to be more than that.” Beatrice replied after taking a deep breath to gather her nerves. 

“Will you tell me about your job?” Ava asked quietly, thankful that Beatrice had turned back to the stove because her cheeks burned viciously. 

“For that conversation to make sense, I’d need to explain a lot beforehand.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Ava whispered. The sentiment made Beatrice shiver, she felt inexplicably drawn to Ava and desperately wanted her to stay close. 

“I suppose the story begins in my hyper competitive childhood.” Beatrice sighed and turned to face Ava, trying not to flick at the sight of her injuries. “My parents were always dead set on being, and achieving, the best. I attended the best schools and was all but required to bring home top marks.” 

The misery was obvious in her words as she explained. “Which I did. Even though my parents chose my classes, my path, and my college degree - I still went along with it. It was as if I couldn’t see a way out - couldn’t imagine my life beyond their controlling grip.” 

“I’m sorry.” Ava mumbled. Their childhoods couldn’t have been more different, but each woman was damaged by her circumstances. Ava understood that more than anyone. 

“Essentially, I was being groomed to take over a leadership position at one of the companies in the valley. Since they are members of several boards, they obviously have connections that most people can only dream of.” 

And people did dream of the power Beatrice’s family held and the connections that resulted from it. But Ava was not most people. Even with the little she knew about the situation, she thought it sounded horrible. 

“I think, for a long time, they held the opportunities they created over my head. Used them to make me feel guilty for any shred of disobedience.” Beatrice shuddered slightly. She’d never talked about this with anyone other than Lilith. 

“What made you realise that?” Ava was genuinely curious, she knew how difficult it could be to escape such a manipulative relationship.

“You.” Her reply came quick. It was decisive. “When we met, you seemed so happy. So free. You didn’t care about stupid garbage, like stock performance or where colleagues recieved their degrees. It forced me to realise how much of my world was fake.” 

“I think you already had a hunch. You wouldn’t have been running, otherwise.” 

“You’re right.” Beatrice closed her eyes, a million memories flooding her subconscious. “I’ve been running all my life. I think you just helped me take the final step.”

“What are you going to do now?” Ava gazed around the immaculate apartment. Could Beatrice really stand to walk away from this? 

“I have no idea.” The thought made her grin.

“Why are you smiling?” Ava wondered with an amused tone. Already, she found Beatrice’s smile intoxicating. 

“I’ve never  _ not  _ known what to do. It’s an odd feeling.” 

“Lucky for you, I basically never know what I’m doing.” Ava laughed, setting Beatrice at ease. Just then, JC padded into the kitchen, clearly drawn by the smell of food. “Are you hungry too, buddy?” With the tiniest yelp, Ava climbed off her stool, wincing at the pain in her ribcage. She dug through her bag and retrieved JC’s food and tray. “Here you go, handsome.” 

“Did you take my clothes?” Ava asked suddenly as she rejoined Beatrice at the counter. 

“They’re in the wash, yes. Why?” 

“I was… Just wondering.” It was embarrassing. Not only was her outfit coated in mud and blood, but Ava didn’t imagine they smelled particularly great. 

“Your shirt might be ruined, though. It was pretty bloody.” 

“I’m sorry.” Ava put her head on the counter. She hated being pitied. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m really glad you’re alright.” 

“Did you at least quit your job in a dramatic way? Throw your papers in the air? Punch someone?” Ava suddenly inquired, a complete change of topic. 

“I…” Beatrice stared at her for a moment, thrown off by her reversal in discussion. “I mean, kind of.” 

“Do tell.” 

“The board was coming for a site visit, nothing out of the ordinary, since they are usually quarterly. At the end of the preliminary run down, my parents asked to speak to me in private - they wanted to know where I’d been for the last several weeks. Lilith had been covering for me, but they saw through her excuses.” 

“Who’s Lilith?” Ava asked.

“That’s… Complicated.” Beatrice paused as she worked on dinner, then continued her explanation. “Eventually, they found out the truth. They weren’t pleased.”

“Are you not allowed to take vacation time?” 

“Not several weeks of it, according to my father. And if I do, I need to take my work with me. Otherwise, I’m  _ disrespecting my position and the company. _ ” 

“So much for work-life balance.” Ava quipped, though internally she wanted to have a few words with Beatrice’s family. 

“That doesn’t exist in Silicon valley. It is expected that everyone sacrifices their health, time, and happiness on the altar of profit.” Beatrice knew she sounded bitter, but she wasn’t wrong. “I got the position through blatant nepotism, anyhow. That’s how it is for most… I don’t know. There is so much that didn’t sit right with me.” 

“I can imagine.” 

“Sometimes, I would try to convince myself that it wasn’t the case, but it seemed hollow. I’d think to myself, you worked hard to be here. You did well in school, fantastic in your internships. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you were top of your class or paid your way through school. It’s all about who you know.” 

“Were you top of your class though?” Ava was unabashedly curious. 

“Yes… But that’s not the point.” Beatrice blushed at the question.

“I know how the world works. I’m not naïve to the power of connections.” Ava drummed her fingers on the countertop. “But I am curious about  _ you. _ ” At that, Beatrice’s blush deepened. With a short cough, she finished dinner, though she could hear Ava chuckle behind her. After plating two surprisingly intricate plates of pasta, she slid one to Ava and sat down across from her. 

“Thank you.” Ava breathed, only then realising how hungry she was. 

“Thank you. For coming.” Beatrice whispered. 

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Ava told her through a mouthful of food. “Did you have a dramatic exit from the office?” 

“My father made a rather rude insinuation about how I spent my entire trip sleeping with a different man in every town.” 

“Did you?” Ava asked before she could stop herself. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that of course -” She quickly added, only to be interrupted by Beatrice. 

“No, that’s not really… I don’t like men.” The moment that words came out of her mouth, Ava choked and sputtered on her pasta. 

“That’s… Good… Mhmm…” Ava managed to utter a few words, though her thoughts were screaming. She had a chance!

“Then I cried for awhile in the parking garage, then I left.” She concluded her story and tried to put Ava’s flustered reaction out of her mind. Beatrice didn’t want to get even more hung up on this woman than she already was. There wasn’t a chance in  _ Hell  _ that a woman like Ava could be single. 

“I’m sorry.” Ava mumbled after she had composed herself. The thought of Beatrice crying made her sadder than it should have. 

“It’s alright. It was cathartic, actually.” Beatrice sighed and watched Ava for a moment. “I feel like our conversation tonight has been a bit one sided.”

“How so?” Ava didn’t look up from her dinner. “This is really good.”

“Thank you. I mean… I dumped a lot of my problems on you, all in one go. It’s weird, because normally I’m not the type of person to share at all.” 

“I have a kind face. It makes people want to tell me their secrets.” Ava grinned widely, though Beatrice could tell she was joking around to cover her discomfort. 

After they’d eaten, Ava stood up once more and embraced the new pain that seemed to accompany movement. “Thank you for having me.” She looked around for a moment, before locating JC on the floor. “But it is getting late, so…” 

“Ava, please.” Beatrice rose. “Stay.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice makes a request of Ava. Ava makes a request of Beatrice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt proof read this because i am having a legit breakdown about the election. if its a bad chapter, im sorry, but also nothing matters and i dont give a fuck. bye

After a surprisingly good night’s sleep, Ava wandered from Beatrice’s guest bedroom blearily. In the kitchen, Beatrice held JC in one arm while making coffee with the other. She swayed side to side, comforting the little puppy. It was a beautiful sight, one that Ava enjoyed silently from the doorway. 

“Good morning.” Ava whispered eventually, with a huge smile on her face. 

“Oh!” Beatrice was clearly startled. “Good morning. Coffee?” 

“Please.” Tenderly, Ava sat at the high countertop. “Thank you again. For letting me stay.” 

“Ava. Seriously. What kind of person would I be if I sent you away after you got… After what happened yesterday.” Beatrice quickly corrected herself. “How do you take your coffee?”

“Normally, with powdered milk… Though I’d settle for regular milk.” Ava reported with a crooked smile. 

“I can do that.” Beatrice replied. Despite the smile, Ava didn’t look much better than yesterday. Sure, she looked more rested, but the area around her stitches was deeply bruised.

“Thank you.” Ava mumbled as Beatrice passed her a coffee.

“You’re welcome.” She took her own mug and joined Ava at the table. 

“So… What now?” Ava couldn’t help but ask a few minutes later. 

“I have absolutely no idea.” 

“I can’t imagine you say that often.” 

“I… Don’t.” Beatrice stuttered, thrown off by Ava’s easy replies. How could she be so calm?

“Well, maybe -” Ava was interrupted by her phone ringing. “Sorry.” She glanced at the caller ID. “I have to take this.” 

“Hello?” Ava answered as she slid from the chair. A quick wince crossed her face as she did so, which didn’t escape Beatrice’s notice.

“Ava! Camila told me what happened! Are you okay?!” Shannon all but shouted into the phone.    
“I’m okay.” Ava walked across the room and stood by the window, looking out at the city below.

“Where are you?” Her voice was still clearly worried.

“San Francisco.” Ava answered in as few words as possible, again. She didn’t like being fussed over like this, even though she knew Shannon’s concern came from a place of love. 

“Really? Why?” 

“I have a… Friend here.” Ava answered. Her hesitation didn’t go unnoticed by Shannon or Beatrice.

“Okay… Well, whatever you’re doing, please  _ rest! _ ” Shannon was adamant about that. “I don’t want you back at work for a week at least.”

“A  _ week _ ?” Ava echoed, her disbelief more than obvious. “I can’t not work for a week! What am I supposed to do?”

“There’s more to life than work, Ava. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Shannon’s smile was audible through the phone. 

“You’re impossible.” Ava sighed.

“Yes, Mary tells me all the time.” A quick laugh escaped her lips, it was obvious that Mary was in the room with her. “Also, during your time off, if you could check your email, I’d really appreciate it. I need your statement for an incident report.” 

“I can do that.” 

“I’m really glad you’re alright, Ava. Please, try to take care of yourself.” 

“I will.” 

“You better. Okay? Mary and I both love you!” 

“And I love you both.” Ava hung up and turned towards Beatrice. “I hope this isn’t too forward, but do you have a computer I could use?” 

“Yes, of course.” Beatrice almost laughed as she retreated from the room, reappearing a few moments later with a laptop in hand. “Is this okay?

“Yes!” Ava gave her a warm smile.

“Are you hungry?” 

“I…” Ava’s face fell once more. “No, thank you.” She was already being a burden. At the countertop, she flipped open the computer and awkwardly navigated to her email account. Ava spent very little time with technology, and as a result, wasn’t good at using it. “I just need to answer these for work, then I’ll be out of your hair, okay?” 

“Where are you going to go?” Beatrice asked, trying to mask her emotions. There was nothing she wanted less than for Ava to leave. 

“Back to work, I suppose.” Ava answered as she typed awkwardly from within her cast. 

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” Beatrice’s anger became quickly obvious.

“No?” 

“I know you can’t go back to work for the next week. Are you that desperate to… Not be here?” 

“No, it’s not that.” Ava didn’t know this was going to hurt Beatrice’s feelings, she hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I… I don’t want to be a burden.” 

For a moment, Beatrice only stared at her, almost unable to believe what she was hearing. Did Ava really think of herself as a burden?

“You’re hurt, Ava.” 

“I know, but -”

“No. No arguments.” Beatrice was surprisingly firm. “Let me help you.” 

For a tense minute, Ava looked as though she might run for the door. She felt trapped, by her emotions more than her physical surroundings. Some part of her couldn’t rationalise why Beatrice would want to help her.

“Why?” She asked eventually.

“Because I want to help you? It’s the right thing to do.” Beatrice sighed, knowing it wasn’t the full truth. If she wanted Ava to stay, she would have to be completely honest. “Whether you realised it or not, you helped me when we first met. And… I feel weirdly drawn to you. Maybe… Maybe you don’t feel the same…”

“I do.” Ava answered quickly. Beatrice only raised an eyebrow, so Ava kept talking. “I feel the same… I’m sorry. I’ve just.. I’ve been alone nearly every day for the last eight years. I’m not very good at… Not being alone, I guess.” Ava admitted in a tiny voice. 

“I understand.” Beatrice closed the distance between them and stood beside Ava in the window. “But please, know that I want to help. You’re not a burden.” 

“Well, you’ve already saved my life.” Ava laughed as she watched the misty rain fall, though it felt hollow.

“And now, all I’m asking is for you to let me cook you breakfast.” Beatrice paused, hyper aware of the lack of distance between them. “And stay here, with me.”

“Are you sure?” The fear in Ava’s voice was palpable. 

“I’m sure.” 

With trepidation in her movements, Beatrice gently wrapped an arm around Ava. The younger woman returned the sentiment at once, hugging Beatrice tightly. The two of them stayed like that for several minutes with the misty morning outside a stunning backdrop. When they finally broke apart, Ava inhaled sharply in pain.

“Ava?” Beatrice caught the corner of Ava’s shirt. “May I?”

“I… Okay.” Ava whispered, struggling to catch her breath. As carefully as possible, Beatrice lifted the hem of Ava’s shirt, revealing the angry, red bruising that painted her rib cage. “It definitely looks… Worse than it did yesterday.” Ava met Beatrice’s worry with an easy smile. 

“Sit down. Now.” Beatrice guided her towards the couch. “I’ll get you some ice.” 

Ava did as she was told without protest. A moment later, Beatrice knelt in front of her, ice pack in hand. 

“Why did you hug me back? If you knew it would hurt?” Beatrice mumbled in the overwhelming proximity between them. 

“I didn’t care.” Ava breathed.

“I… Erm…” Beatrice stood up suddenly, a shocking blush across her cheeks. “Breakfast then?” 

“If you insist, I’ll eat.” Ava hid her nervousness better than Beatrice, though not by much.

While Beatrice cooked, Ava crept back to her seat at the counter, though she kept the ice pack with her. For Beatrice’s sake, if not her own.

“Can I ask you a question?” Ava asked suddenly.

“Okay?” Beatrice didn’t turn around from the stove, preferring to keep her facial expressions hidden. 

“If you don’t have work today… Which I’m pretty sure you don’t… And I don’t have work today…” Ava stuttered through her sentences. “Do you maybe want to go on a date with me?”

Beatrice’s stunned silence spoke for itself. It took her several seconds to process what Ava had just asked. 

“What… What did you have in mind?” 

“I don’t know.” Ava couldn’t help but smile at Beatrice’s reaction, despite her own nerves. “I’m not much of a city girl, believe it or not.”

“I think I have an idea.” Beatrice finally turned around, to place a plate of eggs and toast in front of Ava. 

“Wow. Thank you.” Ava grinned widely as Beatrice took the seat across from her.

“I think, for today, we should just do something small.” Beatrice was already incredibly protective of the woman who sat before her.

“I don’t care much  _ what  _ we do. I just thought… Well, it would be nice to do something a bit more normal.” 

“Fair point.” Beatrice couldn’t help but laugh, it’d certainly been an unusual courtship. 

“So…” Ava couldn’t help but wonder as they ate. “What did you have in mind?” 

“Oh, I’m not going to tell you.” Beatrice hid a smug smile behind her fork. 

“Wow. I see how it is.” 

“I told you a lot of my secrets yesterday. Can I keep just this one?” 

“I’ll allow it.” Ava quipped. In truth, she didn’t care what they did, she only wanted to spend time with Beatrice. 

After breakfast, the two of them shuffled around, getting ready. It was odd, for each woman. Other than the company they finally shared, their routines were severely altered. Normally, Beatrice would have already been at work, clad in dress clothes and corporate jargon. Meanwhile, Ava would have either been miles down a trail, or miles down a road. 

“Beatrice?” Ava called out into the apartment, unsure of where the other woman was.

“Yes?” Beatrice sped into the living room. “Are you okay?” She asked, finding Ava stuck halfway into her jacket. Between the cast on her wrist and the painful movement in her torso, Ava couldn’t quite get it on all the way. 

“I need rescuing from my jacket.” Ava giggled from inside the coat.

“I can see that.” Beatrice smiled, happy that Ava could find the optimism in the situation.

As gently as possible, Beatrice pulled the jacket the rest of the way down. Ava’s messy hair and shining grin appeared a moment later, only inches from Beatrice’s face. At the sudden closeness, Ava froze, wondering if  _ this  _ would be the moment she’d thought out dozens of times already. Meanwhile, Beatrice wondered the exact same. Just as time seemed to freeze around them, JC barked, breaking the spell completely. 

“I just…” Beatrice coughed awkwardly and took a step back. “I just need to grab my car keys and then I’m ready to go.”

“Okay.” Ava whispered, barely audible, as Beatrice walked away. A moment later, she returned, keys in hand. Tenderly, Ava reached down and picked up JC, tucking him away in her jacket. 

“Do you want me to carry him?” Beatrice offered as they headed down the hallway.

“No, that’s okay.” Ava giggled as JC licked her face, his tiny little head poking out.

“Are you sure?” Beatrice pressed the button to the elevator with her cautious gaze firmly fixed on Ava. “I don’t want you to injure yourself further.”

“He weighs like, five pounds.” Ava turned her attention to JC. “I know, buddy. Miss Beatrice here doesn’t think I’m strong enough to carry you.” 

“I didn’t say that.” Beatrice tried to remain serious but it was a losing battle. 

A bell rang and the elevator doors slid open. The attendant nodded at them both, before pressing the button for the bottom floor. An awkward silence passed as the three of them stood silently waiting. Eventually, they were deposited in the fancy lobby and Ava followed Beatrice through a side door and into the parking garage. 

“Your car looks a lot nicer than I remember it…” Ava trailed off as she looked at the immaculate and expensive vehicle.

“I had to get it cleaned when I got back.” Beatrice wondered if Ava thought she was trying to show off. She wasn’t. “It wouldn’t have been acceptable for me to show up to the office with such a filthy vehicle.”

“I’m not judging you.” Ava could sense Beatrice’s discomfort. 

“Oh.” She took a few steps ahead, and opened the door for Ava. 

“And they say chivalry is dead.” Ava joked as she painfully climbed into the vehicle. Beatrice joined her a moment later, the powerful engine purring as she started the car. 

“Ready?” Beatrice asked in a quiet voice. 

“For our first  _ date. _ ” Ava completed the sentence with a nervous grin.


	11. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice and Ava spend time together. It's perfect. But will the past come to haunt them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt proofread again, sorry everyone, mental health is really just in tatters at this point sorry sorry sorry (also uploaded this at 23.59 so technically i got an update in today woohoo)

Beatrice expertly navigated through the rainy streets. It was a smooth ride, nicer than Ava was used to, and she looked out the window at the buildings. Being in a city felt almost alien to her; on the rare occasions Ava  _ was  _ in a city, they were usually much smaller. She couldn’t even remember the last time she was in a major metropolitan area.

“It’s not what you’re used to, is it?” Beatrice whispered, as if she could read Ava’s thoughts. 

“Absolutely not.” Ava answered quickly. “But, I don’t hate it, either. I don’t think I could live here - no offense, but it’s not terrible.” 

“I’m not offended.” Beatrice couldn’t help but smile slightly. It was cute how worried Ava was about offending her. 

“I like being close to the water.” Ava mumbled after a few seconds of hesitation. 

“Me too.” Beatrice agreed in a quiet voice. “It’s one of my favourite features of the city.”

“I still can’t believe you want me to live with you for a  _ week. _ ” Ava chuckled, changing the subject drastically, which Beatrice quickly realised was a habit of hers. 

“You shouldn’t be driving.” Of course, that was only a fraction of her reasoning.

“I could be an axe murderer.” Ava joked. Between her small frame, kind smile, and puppy cuddled against her chest; she couldn’t be less intimidating. 

“At this point, I’d honestly be disappointed if you weren’t.” Beatrice retorted with a smirk.

“Was that a joke, Beatrice?” Ava laughed endearingly. 

“I have my moments.” Granted, Ava’s influence seemed to be increasing their frequency. 

A few minutes later, they parked in front of a small, cozy looking market. “We’re going to the grocery store? Unconventional, but I like your style.” Ava grinned. 

“Not  _ just  _ a grocery store.” Beatrice rolled her eyes. “There’s a bakery inside that makes some of the best donuts I’ve ever had. I thought…” She was suddenly nervous. Was this stupid? “We could pick up something to make for dinner, and some donuts, and maybe watch a movie tonight. You need to  _ rest,  _ Ava.” 

“That sounds perfect.” Ava whispered. Beatrice quickly got out of the car and helped Ava out. “Thank you.” She added. “JC, say thank you to Beatrice.” He did no such thing. Beatrice gave him a quick pat on the head, before opening the door. It was surprisingly cozy inside, with the warm atmosphere of a shop that was unmistakably local. True to Beatrice’s promise, the delicious smell of baked goods filled the air.

“What do you want for dinner?” Beatrice asked quietly as the pair wandered through the well-stocked aisles. 

“Ummm… Food, preferably.” Ava wasn’t a picky eater. In truth, she was anything but. 

“Very helpful.” Beatrice muttered as she set a few items into the basket. 

“What’s your favourite type of bread?” 

“What?” 

“Say that, for every sandwich for the rest of your life, you could only use one type of bread. Which would it be?” Ava wore an amused grin as she rephrased the question. 

“Sourdough, I guess, though it’s an odd question.” Beatrice smiled; Ava’s levity was incredibly contagious.

“That’s a good answer.”

“What about you?” Now, Beatrice was oddly curious about Ava’s favourite bread of all things. 

“Not rye, that’s for sure.” Ava paused as she looked down the aisle, several loaves of bread spread before her. “I think I’d have to agree with you on the sourdough, actually.” 

“You’re an unpredictable woman.” Beatrice whispered as she reached around Ava to grab a loaf. The move brought them surprisingly close together, causing Ava to gasp slightly at the sudden proximity. 

To any onlookers, they looked like a new, young couple. Laughing, talking, walking up and down the aisles of the small shop. Their smiles were bright - the entire scene was idyllic. 

“Do you want popcorn for tonight?” Beatrice asked.

“Not even a question. Of course.” Ava turned to face her, eyes wide in a panic. “Wait! What  _ movie  _ are we going to watch? That’s more important than the snacks. We should start thinking about it now.” 

“Seriously?” Beatrice couldn’t help but laugh. Ava’s feigned, or so she thought, panic over movie selection was nothing short of adorable. Even more so, Beatrice couldn’t help but like who she was around Ava. She was smiling and laughing more today than she had in the last several weeks combined. 

“I’m not joking!” At Ava’s insistence, Beatrice only laughed more. 

“We can watch whatever you want, I don’t really care.” She finally told Ava.

“Really?”

“Really. But first, baked goods.” Beatrice gestured towards the back of the story, the epicenter of delicious, warm treats. 

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Ava made a beeline towards the counter.

“How can I help you two lovely ladies today?” The man behind the counter was  _ at least  _ eighty, but he had a kind face. 

“Oh my…” Ava looked at everything in the display, clearly overwhelmed. “What’s good today?” She wondered with an inquisitive grin. 

“The donuts are always good.” He matched her smile. “I’ve been making them for the last sixty five years, I ought to know.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Ava laughed. “Okay, I’ll take two of those.” She pointed to two donuts, then to a second set. “And two of those.” 

“Great choices.” He pulled out a box and prepared Ava’s order. Beatrice looked on quietly with a new warmth in her heart. 

“Oh! And these too!” She gestured to a delicious tray of brownies. 

“Of course.” The baker added those to the box. “I hope you two have a lovely evening.” He whispered to Ava with a wink as he handed her the box.

“Me too.” She replied in an equally low voice before returning to Beatrice. 

“What was that about?” Beatrice asked as she gently took the box from Ava. 

“He was just being a very kind and helpful man.” Ava told her with a grin. “This is fun. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Beatrice shook her head and led Ava towards the check out area. 

A few minutes later, they returned to the car. The rain had thankfully let up for a moment, though the grey skies threatened to open up again at any moment. 

“What do you think, buddy?” Ava whispered to JC as Beatrice stuck the bags in the back seat. “Did you have a good first date?” He licked Ava’s face in reply. 

“JC had fun!” Ava reported as she tenderly climbed into the car. 

“Did he now?” Beatrice started the engine.

“But did you?” Ava’s tone was suddenly serious. It wasn’t the first time her changes in mood had given Beatrice emotional whiplash, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. 

“To be honest, I’ve enjoyed all the time we’ve spent together thus far.” 

“Me too.” Ava agreed quietly as Beatrice drove back towards her apartment. They were both so enraptured with one another, that neither woman noticed the man who had followed them through the store, intermittently taking pictures on a small camera. 

After a surprisingly lazy and restful afternoon, Beatrice and Ava found themselves once more in the kitchen. The oddness of the situation hadn’t quite worn off, they were not only thrown from their routines, but also spending time together. For two people who are quite used to moving through life alone, it was a shocking change of pace. 

“Can I help?” Ava asked, her hair still wet from the shower. 

“No, that’s alright.” Beatrice moved about the kitchen comfortably. For the first time in her memory, her shoulders weren’t tightly knotted against one another. She was relaxed. 

“Are you sure?” Ava moved to stand up from her chair. 

“Ava, It’s alright. At least let yourself heal a few more days. Please.” 

“Alright, alright.” Ava grumbled but reluctantly agreed. 

“Have you decided on what you’d like to watch?” Beatrice wondered as she cooked. 

“Beatrice!” Ava’s voice was shrill. “I told you! We should have started discussing this hours ago.” 

“I thought you were joking.” 

“I have literally never, in my entire life, told a joke.” Ava’s tone was deathly serious, although Beatrice could tell she was trying not to laugh. While they hadn’t known each other for long, Beatrice already felt more comfortable with Ava than she did with anyone else. Perhaps Ava would help Beatrice get to know herself along the way. 

Without a reply, Ava continued. “Okay, we both know that’s not true.” As if to emphasise her point, she laughed. “What kind of movie are you in the mood for?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I can’t say I watch that many.” 

“Me either. I live… A pretty low-tech lifestyle.” 

“I gathered that.” Beatrice muttered with a smirk.

“What do you say we scrap the movie and just… Talk to one another instead?” Ava was understandably nervous as she proposed the idea. “I know, we’ve been doing that all day. Maybe we could make a game of it.” 

“Explain.” 

“Oh. I don’t know. I just…” Ava paused for a moment and considered what she was about to say. “It just seems like a waste of time to sit and watch a movie when I have a beautiful, intelligent, and interesting woman sitting beside me. Doubly so if she plies me with donuts.” The last part was added as a quick joke - Ava’s weak attempt at hiding the serious compliment. Beatrice, unsurprisingly, didn’t fall for the ruse. Though, she did have to take a second to collect herself before replying. 

“We can do that.” She managed to choke out eventually. “There’s still a million things I want to know about you.” 

“I could say the same to you.” 

“I assure you, I’m not that interesting.” Beatrice told her. Of course, Ava disagreed with that heartily. 

“I’m not going to take your word for it. I need to find out for myself.” Ava was stubborn sometimes. Most of the time. All the time. 

With a delicious soup before them, they sat in front of the window, which Ava had insisted upon. The misty rain against the glass obscured the view of the city below, turning it into a watery glow. 

“Thank you again. For cooking. For everything, really.” Ava whispered.

“You’re welcome, though I admit my reasons are at least partially selfish.” 

“How so?” Ava seemed genuinely confused.

“I want to spend time with you.” Beatrice’s answer was simple, but truthful. 

“Oh. Oh?” It was as if Ava was shocked that someone would want to willingly spend time with her. “That’s odd.”

“Why odd?” 

“Not many people are clambering to be my…  _ Friend. _ ” Once again, Ava’s hesitation left a palpable tension in the air. 

“You don’t think that has anything to do with the fact that you don’t have an address, and live in a car or tent most of the time?” Beatrice’s logic was more than sound. 

“Okay, fair.” Ava laughed, a beautiful sound. “You got me on that one.” 

“I can’t say I’m much better. As you can tell, I’m not surrounded by friends either.” 

“I guess we’re both used to being alone, then. Albeit through incredibly different circumstances, the outcome is the same.” Ava mumbled, hating that the constant loneliness plagued Beatrice too. 

“I don’t want to be presumptuous…” Beatrice gently slid a hand around Ava’s. Even the tiniest point of contact between them felt electric. “But maybe we don’t have to be alone anymore? Or, we could be alone together?” 

“I’d like that.” Ava whispered, her cheeks flushed happily.


	12. Wrong Place, Wrong Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An important look into Ava's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry updates have been later than normal the past few days. im trying my best

_ Nine Years Ago: _

Ava wore a wide smile on her face as she walked into her english class. She’d been placed into a new foster family a few months ago and they had just begun the process of adoption. Normally, once an orphan got older, it was a lost cause. Lucky. She was beyond grateful. At school, her grades were good, though she still didn’t have a group of  _ good  _ friends. Maybe that could change too? 

“Hey, Ava!” Mia greeted her with a wide smile. Ava waved in reply, though she was thoroughly confused. Mia and her group of friends weren’t known for their kindness - especially towards Ava. 

“Hi.” Ava was much more reserved as she took her seat, nervous if nothing else. 

“I have a  _ really  _ important question for you.” 

“Okay?” Ava was cautiously optimistic. Maybe her newfound confidence was attracting new friends? It wasn’t completely unlikely. 

“If a kid gets adopted from the orphanage, but turns out to be a dud, is there a money back guarantee? Or what?” Mia laughed, along with everyone who heard her speak. 

“Funny.” Ava muttered as she forced herself to focus on the book for class. Her ears burned red in embarrassment. She chastised herself internally, she should have known better. 

The class couldn’t have ended sooner. Ava basically ran for the door the moment the bell rang. It was her last class of the day, another tally on her count towards graduation. With a sigh of relief, she hit the doors of the building, the cool air refreshing as anything. 

“Ava. What’s up?” Adam asked from his seat on the steps, a lit cigarette in his hand.

“Nothing good, why?” Ava sat down to join him. 

“Smoke?” He offered her the box but she turned it down. “There’s an abandoned mental hospital just outside of town. Zoe and I were going to go check it out tonight. Do you want to come? Should be pretty sick.” 

“I…” Ava thought it over. She was frustrated after what Mia had said in class - it might be a fun way to blow off some steam. “Alright, as long as we’re not back too late.” 

“I promise.” Adam answered with a sneer. He certainly wouldn’t have been Ava’s first choice in friend, nor her tenth, but she wasn’t exactly popular. It was better than being alone, right?

“Hi guys!” Zoe walked up to them before Ava could reply. Gratefully, she took a cigarette from him, offering one to Ava as well. She declined again. 

“Hey babe.” Adam gave Zoe a quick, smoky kiss. “I was just telling Ava about our planned adventure for tonight.” 

“Oh! Yeah!” She smiled widely. “I’ll pick you up at eight, okay?” 

“Okay.” Ava returned Zoe’s smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m going to head home now, I’ll see you guys tonight.” 

“See ya!” Adam gave her a quick wave before turning his attention back to Zoe. 

Eight o’clock came too fast. Ava wasn’t nervous, but she wasn’t excited, either. More than anything, she craved an escape. The tiny sphere that she was forced to exist in was stifling. Once Zoe’s familiar pick up truck pulled up outside, Ava slipped from the dark house and into the frigid night. She shivered as she climbed into the cab.

“Ready?” Adam asked from the front seat.

“Yeah.” Ava whispered in reply. 

“Let’s go!” Zoe laughed as she took off from the curb. 

“Apparently, a lot of people died there.” Adam explained the history of the building to both of them. It was quite clear that he was just trying to scare them both. “There have been a ton of ghost sightings and murders since.” He wore a devilish grin. 

“Adam! Don’t joke about stuff like that!” Zoe chastised him, though she looked genuinely scared. 

“I’ll protect you. Promise.” Ava was sure he meant that to sound romantic, but she couldn’t help but cringe. “Anyway, we might not see anything.” 

“It should be cool, though.” Zoe turned off onto a dirt road. “To walk around an abandoned building with that much history?”

“Since when you do you care about history?” Adam asked, just as the building came into view. It was nestled into the forest, a decaying skeleton of a structure. There was a fence running around its perimeter, though it had long since succumbed to the environment. The rusty, metal links only remained standing in a few places. Most of the building’s windows were broken and graffiti made it clear that they weren’t the first visitors. Beyond everything, it  _ was  _ creepy - ghosts or not. 

“Woah…” Ava breathed, a sentiment echoed by her friends. 

“Never fear, I brought supplies.” Adam reached into his backpack and withdrew three flashlights, one for each of them. 

“Thanks.” Ava mumbled as she climbed out of the car. Zoe and Adam soon followed. 

“Should we split up or stay together?” Adam wondered as they crept closer to the husk of a building. 

“Don’t be stupid. We need to stay together.” Zoe was adamant about that. 

They reached the broken fence quickly and picked their way over it. While they tried to stay quiet, the sound of rattling metal seemed to echo through the night. Ava thought it sounded eerie and foreboding - it made her skin crawl. But she put on a tough face and soldiered on. It looked like her friends felt the same. Before long, they stood at the dark entrance, long since robbed of its doors. 

“Who’s brave enough to take the first step?” Adam’s voice was almost teasing and it echoed in the concrete chamber before them. 

“I am.” Ava, despite herself, was desperate to prove that she was adventurous and cool. With deliberate movements, she flipped on her flashlight and stepped inside. The first thing that struck her, beside the cold, was how  _ dirty  _ it was. 

Years of disrepair and disregard had blown the forest inside. Beyond that, trash from other teenaged visitors mixed with the dusty leaves on the ground. Her light barely penetrated the inky black, but it was enough to highlight the peeling wallpaper and debris. 

“Creepy…” Zoe whispered, following Ava into the building. 

“Watch out for  _ ghosts _ .” Adam told her. 

The three of them wandered slowly through the building. Of course, there were no ghosts, but it was plenty scary. Most of the rooms still had old fashioned beds in them, with leather restraints and all. At one end of the hall, there was a morgue, complete with terrifying metal drawers. None of them wanted to stay in there for long - for obvious reasons. In the middle of the facility, there was a staircase, littered with debris like everywhere else. 

Taking care not to trip, they climbed their way up, spurred on by curiosity. The second floor, unlike the first, was more open. There was a large atrium, with dusty couches and the remnants of a small reading area. Windows lined the room, with an expansive view in both directions. 

“Do you think there were fights in here? Between patients?” Adam idly wondered aloud as he strode through the dust. A small light and a click filled the air as he lit a cigarette, an angry red in the calm black. He dropped his backpack on the couch, almost as if it was his own home. It was clear he intended to stay and explore for a while. 

Zoe joined him in smoking, while Ava gazed out the window, in the opposite direction from which they came. There was another small dirt road, winding into the woods. A part of her longed for it, to run down that road and never look back. It seemed like a symbol of unattainable freedom. As if the universe had a sense of irony, a red and blue light appeared, silently filtering through the trees. At least, at first. A moment later, the sirens pierced the night. 

“Fuck! Police!” Adam shouted. The three of them shared a frantic glance, as if to say:  _ what now? _ With a casual flick, he threw his lit cigarette down and ran for the stairs, leaving Ava and Zoe behind. It caught the edge of an abandoned pile of books, flaring up into a sizable blaze almost at once. 

“Ava, leave it!” Zoe commanded, hovering at the top of the stairs. She was clearly torn, between putting out the fire and running away. 

“We can’t just leave it!” Ava grabbed one of the couch cushions and tried to smother the fire out, but it was spreading incredibly fast. There was so much fuel. All the while, the siren grew louder and louder, an aggressive, panicked sound. 

“We have to, come on!” Zoe yelled, before running down the stairs to join Adam. 

For a brief moment, Ava considered joining them, but knew she couldn’t. The cushion method wasn’t working and she was getting desperate. Red and blue flooded the room, making an even more dramatic scene. As the fire began to lick up the walls, Ava dug through Adam’s backpack that he’d left behind, desperate for something that might be helpful. Thankfully, she pulled out a water bottle, her own saving grace. 

“Hello? Who’s up here?” The police man’s voice was clear and coming from the floor below. Ava knew her window for escape was nearly over, doubly so when she heard Zoe’s truck start. With a frustrated sigh, she quickly cracked open the water bottle, to attempt to calm the wicked flames. Just as the policeman entered the room, the liquid splashed across the fire - only for Ava to realise it wasn’t water. 

The smell hit her nose painfully. It was vodka.  _ Of course  _ Adam would have brought alcohol. Unsurprisingly, though horrifying, the fire tripled in size with the addition of fuel.

“Stop!” The policeman unholstered his gun, pointing it at Ava. “Put your hands up!” 

“It’s not what it looks like!” Tears streamed down her face as she dropped the bottle and complied with his order. “I was trying to put it out!” 

“From where I’m sitting, it looks like arson!” He argued, though the flames began to die back down as alcohol burnt away. Beyond the dust and debris, the floor was concrete. Cold. 

“Please…” Ava was fully sobbing now, as the smoke poured from the room and the fire died. She felt like an idiot. “I was trying to put it out…” Instead of listening to her, the officer made sure the fire was fully out. 

He read Ava her rights, before handcuffing her. It made the walk down the stairs significantly harder. She felt oddly outside of herself as the cold air bit her cheeks. Tucked into the back of the police car, she got to travel down the road she’d dreamed about. Granted, it was under different circumstances than expected. A tear rolled down her cheek as she made her thousandth internal vow for freedom. 

The trial came both too fast and too slow. It was closed, as most juvenile trials are. Ava sat alone at the stand. She was careful to keep her head down, lest anyone see the shame that burned across her cheeks. Her new foster family sat in the audience, clearly abhorrent. 

“How do you plead?” The judge asked. Ava stared at her for a moment. There was a scar that ran across her eye. In her shocked state, Ava found herself wondering about the scar, her mind wandering completely. “Ava?” The judge inquired again, staring at the girl that sat before her. 

“Guilty.” Ava whispered, thrown back to reality. Upon her admission, the jury mumbled amongst themselves, as did her foster family. Perhaps, it might be more apt to refer to them as her  _ former  _ foster family. Deliberations and conversations spun around her, but Ava was barely aware of them. She refused to give out Adam and Zoe’s names, not wanting to lose the only friends she had. In the case file, they were referred to as her ‘co-conspirators,’ which Ava thought was odd. 

Eventually, the jury handed down an unsurprising verdict. Guilty. Ava’s shoulders felt subconsciously heavy under the weight the word carried. She felt sick. The room seemed to spin around her and she wondered if she would pass out. Timidly, she looked up at the scarred judge, who would hand down her sentence. Surprisingly, the intimidating woman gave Ava a look of compassion, before speaking. 

“Though I  _ technically  _ agree with the jury’s ruling, it is my job to decide on the punishment.” The room was dead silent, save for the judge’s voice. “Ava, you’re young. Too young for a charge like this.” Ava looked up at her in subtle surprise. The entire proceedings seemed to have moved around her, it was odd to be directly addressed. “Maybe I have become foolish in my old age, but I genuinely believe you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.” 

Ava didn’t speak, didn’t  _ dare  _ let herself feel a shred of hope. Instead, she let the woman continue speaking.

“Returning to the orphanage is punishment enough, though I will be giving you a hundred hours of community service as well.” A sharp exhale escaped Ava’s stressed body. “I’d also like to remind you that, once you turn eighteen, your file will be sealed. Any questions?” Her face was surprisingly calm and kind. 

“No. Thank you.” She was beyond grateful for the mercy.


	13. Shock Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava does what Beatrice does best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt update yesterday! i broke my streak! im so sorry!!!!!!! i had a crazy busy day and was so so so tired.

A beautiful dinner in front of the rainy window quickly turned into a beautiful dessert. “Oh my…” Ava’s mouth was full of donut. “You weren’t lying, these really are amazing.” 

“I told you!” Beatrice couldn’t help but laugh, it was absolutely adorable. 

“Maybe it is worth visiting a city every now and then.” Ava smirked, knowing full well that Beatrice’s presence was more enticing than any donut ever could be. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” Of course, Beatrice likely knew what Ava was thinking.

“Thank you again, by the way.” Ava whispered a few moments later. “It’s… Nice to belong somewhere, even if it’s only for a few days. I’ve never… Really had that.”

“Actually…” Beatrice took a deep breath. She knew it took a lot for Ava to admit that and she admired the woman’s honesty. “I have something to ask that might seem slightly insane.” 

“Beatrice, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but my entire life is completely bizarre. You’d better be ready to shock me.” 

“Ok…” Beatrice matched Ava’s easy smile - which was fast becoming one of Beatrice’s favourite sights. “Do you think… Well, maybe I could come with you? On the road?” It was rare she sounded so uncertain but Ava seemed to bring it out in her.

“What?!” Ava’s eyes grew wide as she stood up from the table. “That would be so _fun!_ ” 

“Really?” 

“Yes!” Ava’s grin didn’t fade but she sat back down. “It’s a great job and I love it more than anything but… It can be lonely. I can’t even tell you the amount of times I’ve wished to have someone with me. JC…” She looked down at him, curled around her chair. “JC isn’t exactly a big conversationalist.” 

“I can imagine…” Beatrice stared at Ava, completely taken by her warmth. In an odd way, she wasn’t surprised that Ava loved her proposition. It only reaffirmed the feelings she suspected were mutual.

“I will have to drive up to one of the main offices at the end of this week, which isn’t that exciting, but I have files to deal with.” Ava launched into a full, animated explanation. Meanwhile, Beatrice looked on, only half paying attention. “But after that I start my winter work, which is some of my favourite of the year. Do you have snow gear?” 

“I’m sure I can figure something out.” Beatrice mumbled.

Ava continued to dig into explanations and specifics, while Beatrice admired her passion and excitement. The conversation, and dessert-eating, lasted for another two hours. Eventually, each of them found their way to bed, albeit separately. Though it’d be nothing short of dishonest to imply that both women hadn’t thought of sharing a bed.

Despite how tired she was, Ava didn’t find sleep immediately. She laid on her back, staring at the ceiling. In _Beatrice’s_ apartment. The thought made her smile. JC was curled up against her side, with only his head poking out from inside the blanket. Beyond anything, Ava was grateful. It seemed to be a pattern for her, that she’d have an altercation with drunkards, only to have it change the entire course of her life. An odd pattern, to be sure, but in either case she couldn’t complain. Even after thinking about Beatrice’s words a thousand times, then a thousand more, Ava still couldn’t believe she wanted to come with her on the road. 

A few minutes later, she found slumber. After many minutes more, she awoke sweaty, dazed from a nightmare. While she lay there, trying to catch her breath, fragmented memories ran through her mind. None of them were pleasant. After trying to fall back asleep for a while, Ava gave up the pursuit and slowly got up, careful not to disturb JC as she did. Gently, she padded into the living room.

Just as Ava was moving to sit down, in her slow, injured way, a thick envelope slid beneath the door. At the moment, Ava didn’t even think it odd - even though it was delivered in the middle of the night. Maybe it was just a Silicon valley thing, a custom that she wouldn’t know about. And why would she? With tender movements she bent to pick up the envelope, emblazoned with Beatrice’s name. As Ava reached to set the parcel on the counter, the strange movement caused her ribs to flare with pain. 

She dropped the envelope, scattering it’s contents across the floor. “Damn it.” Ava whispered, frustrated with her own clumsiness. As she reached down to gather them, she noticed something peculiar. Something terrifying. Atop the stack were pictures of her, earlier today, with Beatrice. That alone made Ava freeze. Spurred on by sickening curiosity, Ava flipped through the rest of the pages. 

A gasp escaped her lips as a cold dread wrapped its way around her heart. Ava’s criminal record must have been unsealed somehow, as it was on clear display. Did Beatrice ask for this? Every piece of information in this folder made her look like an awful person. Ava sat back for a moment in realisation. Maybe she _was_ an awful person. She felt dizzy. Sick. Awful. It was obvious what she needed to do, but she was more than reluctant to do so. 

Tears splattered against the floor as Ava made quick work of her few belongings. JC was gently tucked into her jacket and her backpack was ready. With the folder in hand, Ava stood in the door. For a brief couple of seconds, she considered writing a note. But she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Beatrice deserved better than a fuck up like her; she knew that now. At least she’d have the last two days to remember. It was better than nothing. Without a sound, she slipped out the door.

Beatrice woke up early. It was still raining. The pitter patter against the window was oddly calming. After savouring the warm bed for a moment, she got up with a smile. That in itself was a rarity, but Ava seemed to bring it out in her. Yet the moment Beatrice opened her door, she knew something was wrong. She could sense it - the emptiness in the air. 

Ava was gone. There was barely a trace of her left, save for a single stray piece of dog food that Beatrice found on the kitchen floor… While she was sobbing violently against the cabinet. All her life, Beatrice had been running away. It was a rare constant. But now, when she was finally ready to stay, Ava ran from her. Had she done something wrong? Had she been too forward? Last night, their conversation, their _relationship,_ had been going well. Right?

The incessant buzzing of her phone interrupted Beatrice as she wept. Caller ID revealed the call was from her company. Her _former_ employer, technically. Bound by some degree of convention, Beatrice quickly composed herself and answered.

“Hello?” She hoped she didn’t sound too much like she’d been crying on the floor. 

“Beatrice.” It was her mother. “Your father and I have talked. We are needed overseas to approve new policies for our lead suppliers. Lilith has graciously agreed to oversee your return to work.”

“What do you mean? I quit.” 

“Yes, yes.” Her mother was immediately dismissive. “All that nonsense. Now that your personal schedule is presumably free, I just assumed…” She didn’t finish her sentence, leaving Beatrice to fill in the blanks. There were a million possibilities, but only a few that made sense. Beatrice ground her teeth and tried to stay cordial. 

“I understand why you might have thought that. I will consider returning to work.” Her voice was short. Clipped. “Have a nice trip.” Beatrice hung up before her mother could reply. 

Rage replaced her sadness. With shivering hands, she got dressed, intent of getting to Lilith’s apartment before she left for work. In minutes, Beatrice was on the road, speeding through the damp streets. Lilith lived close by, of course, like she had for Beatrice’s entire life. Rain slid from her jacket as she crossed the ornate lobby, intent on reaching the elevator. After a seemingly interminable, but actually quite quick, elevator ride; Beatrice found herself at Lilith’s door. Crying. It certainly wasn’t the first time. 

“Beatrice?” To her credit, Lilith seemed genuinely concerned. Beatrice was clearly suffering. 

“What did you do?!” Beatrice shouted as she crashed into the apartment. Lilith stepped back, well aware of the outcomes of Beatrice’s anger. 

“What are you talking about?” Lilith’s confusion was genuine, but Beatrice wasn’t perceiving the subtleties of facial expressions at the moment. 

“What did you say to Ava?!” 

“Who’s Ava?” Lilith asked, her hands held up in surrender. She was still in her pajamas. 

“Ava is…” At that, Beatrice trailed off. Who was Ava? More importantly, who was Ava to _her?_ “Ava is someone special. To me.” 

“Oh.” Lilith raised an eyebrow. “Are you trying to make me jealous?”

“No. Lilith, for fuck’s sake, this isn’t about you. What did my mother tell you?!” Beatrice’s anger flared once more. 

“Beatrice.” Lilith bravely took a step forward and placed a firm hand on each of Beatrice’s shaking shoulders. “Please. I don’t know what you’re talking about. She dropped off a few files last night, which I haven’t had the chance to look at yet. Then, she told me you were returning to work. That’s it. I swear.” Lilith spoke in a whisper, but Beatrice could tell she was being honest. 

“Can I see the files?” Beatrice asked, through tears. Even though her relationship with Lilith was complex and strained, she was grateful to have someone with her. It was a luxury she knew Ava wouldn’t be afforded. 

“Of course. They are in the box on the table. I’ll put on the kettle.” Lilith headed for the stove, while Beatrice sat at the table. In the box, there were several folders. Many of them were meaningless and work-related. Spreadsheets and the like. One of the files though, the one labelled with her name, stood out from the rest. 

By the time Beatrice found it, Lilith returned, a cup of tea in each hand. She sat beside Beatrice. As a friend, as a comfort. Nothing more. It seemed, like Beatrice, that after their conversation in the parking garage, Lilith had come to terms with the toxicity of their relationship. Of their friendship, too. 

Like Ava had, Beatrice gasped when she opened the file. “What the _fuck?_ ” The pictures of her and Ava yesterday were beyond creepy. Beatrice hadn’t noticed anyone following them, but she’d been completely lost in Ava. Her fingers trembled as she flipped through the photos. 

“What’s this?” Lilith pulled out the thick, stapled stack of papers. Quietly, Lilith looked at the records before her. “You’re dating an arsonist?” 

“What?” Beatrice took the file from Lilith. “We’re not dating…” Obviously, that wasn’t the part of Lilith’s sentence that should have concerned her. 

“Arson, Beatrice. This Ava is a criminal. How could you be so stupid?” Lilith stood up from the table in frustration, retreating to her room. 

“That can’t be…” Beatrice whispered to herself, even as she looked at the page in front of her. 

  
It was Ava. No doubt. Beatrice wasn’t sure if she should be angry or sad. Is this why Ava left? Why? The more Beatrice examined the file, the more she felt sympathy for Ava. In the small reproduction of the mugshot, Ava looked lost. And _young._ Of course, Beatrice did the math. She’d only been sixteen. Call her crazy, but Beatrice wasn’t ready to dismiss Ava just yet. Deep down, she knew there had to be an explanation. If only she knew where to look…


	14. Inconsequential?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month has passed but it's more of the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i should update the christmas fic but im just not feeling it rn ok

JC  _ loved  _ the snow. Watching him romp around in it was one of the few things that made Ava smile. It’d been a month since she’d left San Francisco and she thought of Beatrice daily. Hourly. Constantly. Her physical injuries had healed, save for the ugly scar on her head, but her heart was broken. Irrevocably so, it seemed. Internally, Ava knew it was for the best, it was what she deserved. 

“Come on, buddy.” She gently called JC, urging him to follow her across the snowy knoll. He’d grown over the last few weeks, a surprisingly lanky mess of rusty brown hair with black spots. Much to Ava’s dismay, however, he was now too big to carry around in her jacket. That didn’t stop him from trying, though.

It was a beautiful day. Cold, of course, but stunning. Ava hadn’t seen another person in days, though she was unsure if that was good or bad. As much as she tried not to, she couldn’t help but imagine running into Beatrice at every turn. The more superstitious side of her wondered if she got herself into a dangerous position, if Beatrice would materialise to help. Hey, it happened once, right?

With a sigh, Ava shook her head, forcefully shaking the thoughts from her mind. She needed to call Camila with a full trail report by the afternoon and she’d been making slower progress than was ideal. Camila might already be calling, but Ava removed the battery of her phone the day she left the city. She only put it in when she needed to make a call. This didn’t stop her from seeing the ever-growing list of missed calls from that fateful  _ 415  _ number. 

Try as she might, Ava couldn’t scrub her brain from thoughts of Beatrice. In the great white expanse, it seemed as her environment was a blank page, designed for her mind to wander. Fervently, more than anything, Ava hoped Beatrice was doing well. Maybe she’d met someone else, or found a new job, or left the city entirely. The  _ what  _ was inconsequential. Ava just hoped she was happy. 

A few more hours of thick snow brought Ava to a buried clearing. It was open year-round, though the vast majority of visitors weren’t crazy enough to make the trek in winter. As efficiently as possible, Ava dug out a square of snow for her tent and a small fire. At an outfitter in a nearby town, Ava had bought a children’s sleeping pad, which she laid out for JC. He curled up on it gratefully, falling asleep by the fire.

“I see how it is. Leave me to do all the work.” Ava whispered, giving him a quick pet before setting up her own gear. After her tent was pitched, she did a quick couple rounds around the site. Unsurprisingly, it was empty, void of any trace of humans. In the distance, she could see her tracks against the immaculate snow of the hills, along with JC’s erratic trail of his own. Unable to put it off any longer, Ava reluctantly pulled off her gloves and prepared to call Camila. 

“Hello?” Camila answered on the second ring. 

“It’s me.” Ava’s voice was raspy from disuse. “I have the trail report you wanted.” 

“What about the Ava report I’ve been requesting for weeks?” Camila tried to be funny, but she didn’t get a laugh. Her weak attempt also wasn’t enough to cover the obvious worry in her voice. 

“There have been heavy snows up here already, the trail is basically buried. Doesn’t look like there’s been anyone around for weeks.” 

Camila sighed. “Alright.” She wrote down the information. “Anything else?” 

“No. Other than the snow, all NPS sites and trails are clear from obstructions.” Ava pinned the phone to her ear with her shoulder, so she could extend her hands over the fire. 

“Thank you… How are you?” Camila tried again.

“Fine.” Even JC lifted his head to look at Ava, as if to say:  _ really? _ “And you?”

“Nothing too exciting to report. I wish you’d come into the office, though.” Camila knew she sounded desperate but she didn’t care.

“I will at some point.” Ava’s answer was noncommittal at best. 

“Alright…” Camila hated how awkward their conversation was. Talking to Ava never felt so stiff before. “Bye then.”

“Bye.” Ava hung up.

As had become routine, Ava quickly popped the battery from her phone and zipped the two pieces back into her bag. Her coldness to Camila was just another new facet of her personality that Ava could loathe herself for. It was becoming quite a vicious cycle. A frustrated sigh escaped her lips as she popped open her bear canister, withdrawing a few ingredients for herself and a bag of dog food. 

Upon hearing the bag, JC sat up, clearly hungry from his exciting day. “Here you go, bud.” She mumbled as she poured the food into his small metal tray. He quietly munched through his kibble as Ava routinely cooked her own meal over the fire. Since leaving Beatrice, she barely felt hunger… Barely felt anything, really. But eating and sleeping found their way into her robotic schedule all the same. At least, most of the time.

By the light of the fire, starting at dusk, Ava wrote in her notebook. Or drew. Sometimes both. Her thoughts, as always, quickly found their way to Beatrice. There were a dozen or more messy letters, scrawled amongst mismatched pages. A stray tear sometimes melted the words from the paper, but it was no matter - they’d never be sent. The creepy pictures Ava had found in the mysterious file also found their way into Ava’s notebook. Disturbing or otherwise, it was the only record of Beatrice she had. The only relic that proved their…  _ Whatever  _ had been real. 

The next morning brought a fresh coat of snow. Ava had shivered through the night, even with JC tucked warmly into her sleeping bag. Still, she didn’t complain. She was a visitor in the wilderness and it had no obligation to keep her warm nor safe. Besides, the view that greeted her when she emerged from the worn tent was nothing short of spectacular. Ancient pines that lined the trail were freshly powdered and her tracks from the day prior were all but erased. To Ava, it only proved that her actions were inconsequential. 

Beside her, JC regarded the scene with a reluctant yawn. “I know, I’m tired too.” Ava moved to rebuild their fire from the night before. Once the kind, crackling warmth filled the air, Ava made a cup of coffee for herself. It did little to spur her enthusiasm, but it gave her the necessary drive to begin packing up. For now, that had to be enough. 

Ava’s icy breath hung in the air as she broke down her site. JC watched on between bites of dog food. They shared a short, one-sided conversation, in which Ava explained to him how to differentiate between different animal tracks. He didn’t seem particularly interested, if we’re being honest. 

Several hours and a freezing hike found Ava back at her jeep. It was buried under a layer of snow and ice, but Ava dug it out as fast as she could, praying that it would still start. Once it was clean, she beat the snow off of her bag before tossing it into the back. JC hopped into the car, curling up in the passenger seat. Ava wrapped a sweater around him - he was too big for the scarf now. With her fingers crossed, she turned the key, beyond grateful to hear the engine turn over. Heat poured from the vents, which JC and Ava alike were thankful for. 

Before pulling out of the lot, Ava pushed her head against the seat, her eyes squeezed shut. It wasn’t enough to stop the tears, though. She cried daily since leaving, a reality that didn’t seem to be changing any time soon. Tears fell for what she’d lost, who she’d lost. Most viciously, she cried for the woman that she had become. She could barely stand to look in a mirror anymore.

Back in the incessant fog of the city, Beatrice was just finishing her work for the day. With a sigh, she picked up her phone and dialed a number she’d long since committed to memory. Straight to voicemail. As usual. Still, it was better than disconnected. 

“Hey, are you ready to go?” Lilith appeared in the doorway, startling Beatrice, though she didn’t show it. 

“Yes.” Beatrice quickly turned off her computer and slid her phone back into her pocket. 

The two of them walked through the building, exchanging polite, but ultimately pointless, small talk. Outside, the cold air bit at their cheeks, but they quickly found shelter within Lilith’s car. 

“Did she answer?” Lilith asked as she pulled onto the main road. 

“No.” Beatrice leaned against the freezing window. Ava  _ never  _ answered. Once, she had been lucky enough to hear the phone ring, but no one picked up. Another time, Beatrice called the number and heard a phone ringing nearby. For the briefest moment, she thought Ava had come back to her. Clearly, that hadn’t been the case. 

“How long has it been?” Lilith was doing her best to be understanding. 

“Thirty five days.” Beatrice whispered. 

“Not like you’ve been counting, then…” More than anything, Lilith felt sympathetic. Sure, she didn’t necessarily understand Beatrice’s fixation with Ava, but she hated seeing her best friend so sad. 

“I know it’s pathetic. You don’t need to remind me.” 

“I’m not trying to be a dick.” Lilith took a deep breath and laid a hand on Beatrice’s leg. “How long until you’re ready?” 

“Another week, give or take.” Beatrice answered quietly, her tone immediately softened. Lilith was a saint for putting up with her over the last few weeks. She had been anything but easy to deal with. 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Lilith couldn’t help but wonder as she parked outside her building. 

“I am.” Beatrice followed her into the lobby. Their conversation continued into the elevator, then into Lilith’s apartment. “I think I’ve been sure even before…” Lilith didn’t need to get clarification, she already knew what Beatrice meant.

“I’m just making sure… If not, you know you always have a safety net to fall back on.” Lilith told her as she put on the kettle. An after work cup of tea had become tradition lately. 

“I know. I’m grateful for that. It’s a luxury that not everyone has access to.” Beatrice, of course, thought of Ava as she spoke. Every day she thought of the golden woman she’d met in the forest, the same woman that came back into her life, for the briefest of moments. Where was she? Why had she left? There were as many unanswered questions now as there were a month ago, but Beatrice hoped that wouldn’t be the case forever. 

“We definitely have our luck, don’t we?” Lilith stood to begin cooking dinner. 

“In some ways, I suppose.” Beatrice rose to help her. 

“I’m ready, by the way.” Lilith whispered as they stood beside each other. “When you are, I’ve made my preparations as well.” 

“Thank you. Seriously.” 

  
That night, as she did hundreds of times before, Beatrice fell asleep in Lilith’s bed. Even under the covers, even wrapped up together, she was still cold. Empty. Deep down, perhaps past the point of conscious realisation, Beatrice knew she wouldn’t feel whole again until she found Ava.  _ If  _ she found Ava.


	15. A Leap of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camila makes a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you are reading this a/n, you are beautiful and amazing. hi five!

“Hello?” Camila answered the phone tentatively, not immediately recognising the number on screen.

“Hello. I have… A bit of an odd question for you, I’m afraid.” The woman on the other end of the line sounded nervous, though her English accent stood out to Camila immediately.

“Yes?” Curiosity flooded Camila’s veins. Her job wasn’t always the most interesting. 

“I’m looking for someone. One of your employees, actually.” At that, Camila knew exactly who she was speaking with.

“You must be Beatrice.” 

“How… How did you know that?” Beatrice sounded genuinely stunned. Ava must have talked about her to someone else… At some point, at least. 

“I made an educated guess.” Camila’s voice fell. “But I haven’t seen Ava in a while.”

“You haven’t?” Beatrice sounded shattered. 

“No.” Camila thought carefully. “I talk to her on the phone a few times per week. For work, nothing more.” She was careful about what she said, unsure of how Ava left things off with Beatrice. Granted, Camila had a feeling it hadn’t gone well. 

“You are kind of my last shot at finding her.” Beatrice admitted. “She won’t even answer my calls.”

Camila sighed. “What happened between you two?”

“How much time do you have?” 

“I live in Wyoming. How much time do  _ you  _ have?” Camila replied, slightly too harsh. She was protective and worried about Ava. Thankfully, Beatrice wasn’t phased. 

“Fair point.” Had they been discussing something less dreadful, Beatrice might have laughed. “But to answer your question, I’m not sure. I can explain each possibility, though.” 

And she did, in detail. Beatrice had spent the last several weeks weighing out possibilities and trying to understand Ava’s motivations. Realistically, there were only a few options. Camila revealed little, preferring to listen to Beatrice explain. By the end of their lengthy conversation, she felt as though she had a better understanding of Beatrice’s character. And, enough of a confidence in the woman to make a proposition. 

“I have an idea.” Camila told Beatrice after several hours on the phone with her. “It might sound crazy, but honestly, this entire story has already been crazy.” 

“Go on.” 

“Why don’t you fly out here? I have an extra room. Ava, despite what she tells me, can’t avoid showing up forever. She has to come do her paperwork eventually, plus a lot of her winter gear is stored in my garage.”

“You really think that will work?” Beatrice didn’t dare let herself feel hopeful. 

“Doubly so if I send her on an assignment that requires her crampons.” Camila grinned. “I can force the issue, so to speak.”

“You’d do that?” Beatrice sounded more than surprised. 

“You sound like a kind, honest person, who cares about Ava. Since she left San Francisco, she has been completely withdrawn and miserable. Maybe it’s a bit selfish, but I’d love to have my best friend back.” 

“I understand.” Guilt wrapped itself around Beatrice’s chest. 

“So when will you get here? I can pick you up from the airport.” 

“Hmmm… Is tomorrow too soon?” Beatrice pulled up flights on her computer. 

“No. It’s perfect. Text me with your flight details when you have them.” Camila was already running through ideas. “I’m going to call Ava.”

“Thank you.” Beatrice whispered before hanging up. 

Camila called Ava right after talking to Beatrice, but unsurprisingly, didn’t get an answer. She left a quick voicemail, just as a text from Beatrice came through. This was really happening, then. Camila couldn’t help but feel giddy. She knew she was meddling, perhaps overstepping her bounds, but she couldn’t resist. Beatrice’s story made too much sense and she’d known Ava for years - she knew Ava had a propensity for running away. 

Later that night, once Camila had returned to her cabin, Ava finally called back. “Nice of you to return my call.” Camila answered with a light-hearted jest.

“Sorry.” Ava’s voice was hoarse. “I’ve been taking the battery out of my phone.”

“Um… Why?” 

“So no one could call me.” Ava didn’t specifically mention whose calls she was avoiding, but she didn’t need to. 

“I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but that is against our rules. I need to be able to reach you in an emergency.” Camila was frustrated, even though she understood Ava’s motivations. After getting attacked, one would think that Ava would have a better handle on safety procedures. 

“I’m sorry.” She didn’t try to defend herself. 

“I have your next list of assignments.” Camila sighed. She was excited about what she was planning, though she hated how sad Ava sounded. 

“Okay.” Ava pulled out a pen to write down the information. Camila relayed the information, as Ava scrawled it into her notebook. She was sitting in the warmth of her car, with JC curled up beside her. “You gave me this assignment intentionally, didn’t you?” Ava was a lot of things, but stupid wasn’t one of them. 

“Why do you say that?” 

“You knew that I’d need some of the gear I’d left there.” Ava’s tone was accusatory. 

“First of all, it’s winter, so it’s not unreasonable for you to need some of your winter items.” Camila defended. “But so what if I am? You’re my best friend! I’m more than a little worried about you.”

“Sorry… I’m sorry.” Ava immediately softened. “I still have a few more sites to check tomorrow but I can be there the day after. We can catch up, I promise.” Guilt made her feel sick. 

“Thank you.” Camila worked hard to compose herself, she didn’t Ava to hear the smirk in her voice. 

“You’re welcome… And thank you.” Ava’s hesitation was telling.

“For what?” 

“Caring.” Before Camila could ask for clarification, the line had gone dead.

Ava looked over at JC, who met her gaze. “I guess we’re headed back to the office, huh buddy?” It was a long overdue visit, a reality that made Ava feel more than a little guilty. Camila deserved better, of course, but Ava was reluctant to talk about Beatrice. About what happened. Or perhaps, what  _ didn’t  _ happen. 

The following evening, Camila stood outside, the cold wind whipping into her curls. She was nervous, slightly, though excitement was her most prominent emotion. A tiny plane appeared in the sky, just as the buzz of it’s small engine filled the air. Camila watched it grow closer and closer, until the wheels spun against the runway. It circled around, driving closer to the building. A moment later, the door opened, revealing the only passenger. 

“You must be Camila, then?” Beatrice smiled politely as she approached the only woman waiting for the plan. She extended a hand, only to have Camila pull her into a tight hug.

“That’s me!” Camila laughed as she let Beatrice go. “Welcome to Wyoming. Do you need help with your bags?” 

“I’m good, thanks.” She only had her backpacking bag and a small duffel. 

“I know it’s not as exciting as the big city, but it’s quiet.” Camila explained as she led Beatrice towards the nearly empty parking lot at the airstrip. 

“It’s perfect.” Beatrice whispered, looking at the sunset over the snowy hills. She was undoubtedly more nervous than Camila, but she hid it well. 

“Glad to hear someone thinks so.” Camila’s wide smile was immediately endearing. “This is us.” She added, pointing to her car. 

Beatrice climbed inside without comment, feeling as though this was the point of no return. “Ava will be back tomorrow, by the way.” Camila reported as she pulled out of the parking lot.

“Really?” Beatrice’s hopeful nerves were poorly contained. 

“I think she felt guilty, it wasn’t difficult to convince her.” Camila sighed. “I really hope this works out.” 

“Me too.” Beatrice’s voice was barely a whisper.

“I think it will though.” Her smile returned. “I’m optimistic.”

“That makes one of us.” Beatrice’s life had been, up until recently, lived on rails. Now, however, she was taking risk after risk. For Ava, though, it was worth it. “I’m nervous.” She admitted quietly. Camila was an easy person to talk to.

“Aww, I know.” Camila squeezed Beatrice’s shoulder as she drove. “It will be okay, I promise. I’m fairly certain she’s not angry with you, only herself.” 

“I’m not sure if that’s better or not…” The night grew dark around them and the headlights cut into the inky black. 

“I understand.” Camila suddenly turned left, into the small complex that she lived and worked at. Six cabins were clustered around a snowy plaza, with an office building at the far end. 

“This is where you  _ work? _ ” Beatrice had never seen anything like it. Of course, she was used to the modern and clinical workplaces of the tech industry. 

“Yes, pretty cool, huh?” Camila parked in front of her cabin and led Beatrice towards the door. “It’s quiet up here in the winter, but beautiful.” 

“I can see that.” Beatrice followed her inside. 

“I’m going to start a fire, then cook dinner. I hope you’re hungry.” Camila told her as she crossed the cozy living room.

“I am… Do you need help?” 

  
“No, no!” Camila knelt beside the fireplace. “But I’d like to get to know you more. It’s not often Ava makes a…  _ Friend.  _ You must be pretty special.” 

“I… I wouldn’t say that.” Beatrice sat stiffly at the counter. She was envious of Camila’s kind calmness.

“Wow. I’m convinced.” Her sarcasm was palpable. “ You’re beautiful, at least.” Camila added, making Beatrice blush. 

“Can I ask you something?” Beatrice couldn’t resist the temptation of curiosity.

“Sure.” Camila walked into the kitchen, leaving a warm fire in the hearth. 

“Did you know?” 

“About?” 

“About Ava’s…  _ Record? _ ” Beatrice didn’t know how else to phrase it.

“No.” Camila busied herself with cooking. “I know more of her secrets than most, but I didn’t know about that. Juvenile records are supposed to be sealed once the offender reaches adulthood.” 

“With enough money, all doors are open.” Beatrice mumbled. “Do you think differently of her now that you know?” 

“No.” 

“May I ask why?” 

“I’ve known her for a long time. It just… Doesn’t make sense. Most likely, it was either a mistake or there is a reasonable explanation.” Camila turned and met Beatrice’s eyes. “She’s a good person.”

“I know that. That’s why I’m here.” 

“I know Ava will explain it to you. In her own time.” 

“If she doesn’t run away as soon as she sees me here.” Beatrice sounded completely hopeless. 

“I doubt that.”

“Before she left… She agreed to let me come with her.” 

“Really?” Camila froze, shocked.

“Yes?”

“That alone should be the proof you need.” Camila could barely believe what Beatrice had said. Ava was lonely, no doubt about that, but she wouldn’t allow just anybody to come with her. And she certainly wouldn’t abandon her life on the road, no matter how lonely it got. “You’ve made a leap of faith to come here, but you need to trust that your feet will find the ground.” 

“Very wise.” 

“There’s a lot of time to think out here.” Camila mumbled. Already, she liked Beatrice. “But enough of this grim talk. Tell me more about yourself, Miss Mystery Woman.” 

“What do you want to know?” 

“To start, do you want a beer?” 

“ _ God,  _ yes.” Beatrice smiled, for the first time in awhile. Camila slid a bottle to her and then cracked one open for herself.

“What do you do for work in the big city?” Camila asked, feeling as though the tension in the room had been lifted. 

“Actually, it’s funny you should ask.” Beatrice launched into an explanation, revealing more than she would to most. The pair of them talked late into the night, and each woman understood why Ava liked the other. Eventually, they wound their ways to bed. Tomorrow will be a big day.


	16. The Art of (not) Walking Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy sam?

Camila stood outside, desperately trying to keep her face neutral. Ava’s Jeep stormed into the parking lot, caked in the usual layer of mud. She parked in front of Camila, opening the door for JC to get out first. He bounded towards the curly haired woman, greeting her with a wagging tail and a bright smile.

“Hey buddy! You’re so big!” Camila pet her head enthusiastically as Ava walked over. She was nervous; she felt guilty for being a bad friend in her sadness.

“Am I so big too?” Ava asked, desperate for a joke to break the ice. 

“No, you’re about the same size.” Camila hugged her, holding Ava close for a few minutes. “ _God,_ I was so worried about you.” She held Ava’s face as they broke apart, surveying the new scar that crossed her forehead.

“I’m okay.” Ava mumbled, hating the attention but happy to see Camila again. 

“Physically, perhaps.” Beside them, JC was sticking his nose in the snow and flinging it in the air. Camila watched him for a moment, before turning back to Ava. “Thank you for coming. I know it might not have been… Exactly what you wanted to do.” 

“It’s been… A hard month.” Ava admitted quietly. Not a day (nor a minute) passed where she didn’t think of Beatrice. 

“I know.” Camila sighed, hating the sadness on her friend's face. “Why don’t you go inside and start the paperwork. I’ll stay out with JC for a few minutes and meet you there? And then maybe we can catch up tonight?”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” Camila smiled at JC as he rolled around. “He’s quite the charmer, what can I say?” 

“You have no idea.”

Ava walked through the familiar hall, towards Camila’s office. For some reason, everything felt the same… But different. Of course, the moment she opened the door, she understood why. 

“Beatrice?” Ava whispered, frozen in place at the sight of her.

“Ava.” Beatrice rose from her chair, the longing panic evident across her fine features. 

“What… What are you doing here?” Ava didn’t mean to be rude, but this backcountry office was the last place she had expected to see the ghostly woman that haunted her dreams.

“I…” Beatrice seemed just as nervous as she was. “I couldn’t stand the way we left… Things. I needed to talk to you. Needed answers, at least.” 

“Ask away.” Not knowing what else to do, Ava sat in the chair beside her. For them, this was an oddly familiar process, almost endearing. 

“Why did you leave?” The hurt was evident in Beatrice’s voice. “I felt… Abandoned. I thought - I thought it was going well.” Tears streamed down her face. 

“It was… I…” Ava found herself getting choked up. “I was awake early - I had a nightmare. There was a folder that slid under the door… At the time, I didn’t think it was odd. I just… Figured it was something for your work.” She paused to wipe her eyes. “I accidentally dropped it… Inside… There were pictures of _us._ ” 

“I saw a copy of it…” Beatrice admitted quietly. 

“I took it with me. I didn’t… I didn’t want you to know I was a bad person. I didn’t want that for you. You’re too successful… No. _Too good_ to be dragged down.” Ava muttered, feeling her cheeks burn. Her shoulders ached under the weight of her words.

“You didn’t think I requested that, did you?” Beatrice was loath to admit it, but she had wondered if Ava was angry with her. 

“No. The thought never crossed my mind… Did you?” 

“No.” Beatrice sobbed gently, a great relief. “I figured it must have been my parents. Trying to get the final say, ruin just one more part of my life.” Even recounting the reality made Beatrice hate them a little bit more. 

“Well, they succeeded, didn’t they?” Ava stood. She was happy that Beatrice hadn’t betrayed her, but she refused to darken her reputation all the same. Just as Ava turned to leave, Beatrice caught her risk.

“You’re still running away from me?” Beatrice asked, though it was barely a question. 

“Your parents were right about me.” Ava’s voice was stony and harsh. “I’m a bad person. I appreciate you going to these lengths to find me, but it doesn’t change much.”

“I don’t think you’re a bad person.” Beatrice’s words were barely audible, though her grip on Ava was strong as anything.

“You don’t know me.” 

“I have to think I do. At least, a little bit. Please, Ava. Talk to me.” Beatrice pleaded, her pride long forgotten. She would have begged on her knees if it meant Ava would stay. 

“What do you want to know?” Ava sat back down. A myriad of emotions competed for her heart, though she was unsure of how she felt in the moment. 

“What really happened, to start. The Ava I know wouldn’t commit arson.” Beatrice tried to speak as confidently as possible.

Ava hung her head and took a deep breath. “I didn’t have a lot of friends back then, unlike now…” Her joke fell completely flat, unsurprisingly. “They weren’t the best people to be hanging around, clearly, but I thought it was better than being alone. And for a time, it more or less was. A short way outside of town, there was an abandoned building, we all thought it would be cool to explore it one night.” 

Beatrice didn’t speak, but she carefully took Ava’s hand in her own. “Even though I was older, the foster family I was with had just begun the adoption process - I was so happy… But I still felt the urge to explore, so I snuck out. From that moment, I should have known the rest of the night was doomed.” Ava paused for a moment before continuing. “Adam, one of my ‘friends’ was smoking as we walked through the building.”

“From the second story, I saw a police car - the building was probably under regular surveillance, since teenagers snuck away to do illicit stuff there all the time… But he threw the cigarette to the ground as he ran, but it caught fire in a pile of debris.” Ava closed her eyes, she could still picture the scene clearly. Beatrice squeezed her hand, a small comfort. 

“I stayed, even though they ran. It was spreading really fast, I didn’t want it to get out of control. It could have burned down the whole forest!” Her words came faster as she explained. “Adam had left his bag, so I dug through it, hoping to find something that would help me put out the fire. The whole time the siren was blaring - it was so loud I could barely hear anything else.” 

Ava’s description was vivid and Beatrice had no trouble imagining it. “I found a bottle. For a moment, I thought I was so lucky, until I dumped it out. It was alcohol.” 

“Oh… No…” Beatrice felt sick. Ava had only been trying to do the right thing.

“Of course, the policeman found me right then. I’ll admit, it didn’t look good. I got arrested that night and was sent back to the orphanage within a week.” Ava concluded darkly. 

“That’s… Hardly your fault. You were trying to do the right thing.” Beatrice was shocked that Ava couldn’t see that. 

“Maybe… I don’t even know how anyone got my file… It should have been sealed.” Ava avoided Beatrice’s gaze, instead opting to stare at the floor. 

“Money. If you have it, any door will open for you.” Beatrice could barely comprehend the anger she felt towards her family in that moment. 

“Anyways… That’s what happened. You have your answers now. I’m sorry for leaving without an explanation. It was better for you that way. I figured you could move on with your life…” 

“Is that supposed to be a joke?” Beatrice was frustrated, couldn’t Ava see how she felt?

“No?” 

“Ava, I have thought about you _every waking moment_ since you left. I’ve cried over you, laughed over you, smiled about you, worried about you… And you want me to just what? Walk away?” 

“You think I haven’t felt the same?!” Ava pulled her notebook out of her back and flipped through the inky, crumpled papers. “Each of these is for you. Or about you. Or both?” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Is it crazy to be so fixated on a woman I’ve met twice?” Beatrice wasn’t sure if Ava’s question was rhetorical. She looked at the messy account in Ava’s hand; there was a dark drawing of a woman in the margin.

“Is this me?” Beatrice reached out, beyond curious. 

“Yes.” Ava breathed, terrified of what would come next. 

Her gentle hands and slow movements were asking permission in a way Beatrice couldn’t find the words for. She held Ava’s notebook with a sacred reverence, as if she were holding the younger woman’s heart. Ava wasn’t lying, every page that wasn’t about work, was about her. Tears stained some of the sheets, whereas others had obviously been damaged from snow or dirt.

“This…” Beatrice trailed off. She felt overwhelmed. “You felt the same, then?” She passed the notebook back to Ava, having left many passages unread. 

“I did… No.” Ava finally met Beatrice’s eyes. “I do.” The kiss that followed her words was explosive, desperate. Beatrice leaned over, unable to resist for a moment longer, with it so clear that Ava shared her feelings. Their lips crashed together, a longing left unsaid for so long, yet painful in its tension. 

“I need to know something.” Beatrice mumbled after they broke apart, a healthy blush on both their cheeks.

“Mhm?” Ava replied, unable to summon the power of speech. 

“I still want to come along with you… If the offer still stands…” 

“Really?” Ava’s eyes widened, more than a little bit excited at the prospect. 

“Not to sound too crazy… But I’ve been making arrangements for the past month. It’s why I’ve taken so long to come find you.”

“You have?” Ava was still in shock.

“Yes. I moved in with Lilith so I could sell my apartment and car. Plus, we made a bunch of arrangements at work. As of a few days ago, I am… For the first time, truly a free woman.” 

Ava knew, she _knew_ more than most people alive, what the feeling of freedom represented. What it meant. She understood Beatrice’s words intimately, and shared her admiration for the implications. 

“You’re brave.” Ava whispered as her voice shook. 

“Why’s that?” Beatrice replied, unable to keep the smile from her face.

“Like I said before, I could be an axe murderer!” 

“And like I said before, I’d be disappointed if you weren’t.” Beatrice retorted, before the two of them broke out in laughter. 

“You really want to do this though?” Ava couldn’t help but wonder, couldn’t help but second guess everything. “You’re giving up so much.” 

“I’m giving up what I don’t want. What I didn’t ask for, what I didn’t earn.” Beatrice replied. She never liked her job, her career. Hell, she had a degree in engineering, though she hated the subject. 

“You never cease to surprise me.” Ava replied. She was so grateful, so thankful, she wondered if she even had enough room in her body for the sheer volume of emotion. 

“Okay, have we kissed and made up?” Camila asked with a smile as she re-entered the office with JC. From the looks on Beatrice and Ava’s faces, it was initially hard to tell. They were happy, yet tear stained. 

“You really know how to meddle in my life, don’t you Camila?” Ava accused with a grin as Camila took her seat behind the desk. 

“Yes, I’m the bad guy here.” She winked at Beatrice. “Here’s your backlog of paperwork, by the way.” 

“Oh _God…_ ” Ava breathed. It was a thick folder, stuffed with files.

“Now, Beatrice… Actually, can I call you Bea?” Camila made conversation with Beatrice while Ava reluctantly began filling out paperwork. Only then, did Ava become curious about the conversations that may have occurred between the two of them.

“Sure, that’s fine.” Ordinarily, Beatrice objected to nicknames, but Camila was the kind of person who was hard to say no to. 

“Now, hurry up Ava. We have celebrating to do.” Camila urged playfully, unable to hide the huge smile on her face.


	17. Across the Tundra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava hits the road once more. Except this time, everything is different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a bit longer than i anticipated, but i didnt think anyone would mind :)

“Are you two ready?” Camila asked the next morning, as Beatrice and Ava stood in front of a newly packed car. It was a scene not unlike sending one’s children off to college. 

“I am if you are.” Ava whispered, earning herself a nod from Beatrice.

“Okay. Be careful, be safe.” Camila looked pointedly at Beatrice, fully aware that Ava wasn’t good at doing either of those. 

“Yes ma’am.” Ava quipped, before hugging Camila tightly and hopping into the car. 

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t do anything totally stupid.” Beatrice mumbled once Ava was out of earshot. 

“Thank you.” Camila hugged her too.

“No. Thank you.” Beatrice turned to walk towards the Jeep. “Seriously.” 

Ava maneuvered the Jeep through the unplowed snow. She was desperately trying to seem calm and collected, though it was obvious she was buzzing with excitement.

“You’re crazy.” Ava told Beatrice with a smile. 

“Why?” Beatrice knew what Ava was going to say, but she wanted her to explain anyhow. 

“You’re coming away on an adventure with me… And a puppy that seems to double in size every day!” 

“I’ve actually never felt more sane.” Beatrice mumbled, watching the snowy fields pass as they drove. Ava didn’t reply immediately, but Beatrice could see a stray tear slip down her face and darken her sweater. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -”

“They’re happy tears, Beatrice.” Ava whispered as she swiped them away. “I can’t believe you’re really here.” 

“I’m really here.” 

“You might need to tell me that a dozen more times.” Ava sighed. “I often pretended you were sitting in that seat beside me. I’d have full conversations with the fake Beatrice, while JC stared on like I was an insane person.  _ Hell,  _ maybe I am.” 

“I don’t think you’re insane.” Beatrice replied, hesitant to admit she’d done the same. “We could have a real conversation though, if you wanted.” 

“I’d like that.” Ava chanced a brief look at the beautiful woman that sat beside her, still awash in disbelief. “Do you have crampons?” She asked suddenly, in typical breakneck topic change. Very on brand. 

“I have microspikes.” Beatrice answered. 

“Mmm… I don’t know if that will cut it…” She was clearly deep in thought. “There’s an outfitter about a hundred miles north. We’ll pass it on the way and we can stop and get you suited up.” 

Beatrice couldn’t deny that she liked how Ava referred to them as ‘we.’ “Will you teach me how to use them, too?” 

“Nah.” Ava laughed, a kind, light sound. “I figured I’d just leave you stranded on a glacier and let you figure it out yourself. Hopefully you don’t impale yourself on the way.” 

“How kind.” Beatrice quipped.

“But yes, of course. And you’ll need an ice axe, if you don’t have one.” 

“I’m suddenly starting to wonder if I’ve bitten off more than I can chew…” Beatrice was slightly nervous, but ultimately trusted Ava to guide her. 

“It’ll be fun. I promise.” 

“I trust you.” 

Several hours later, though, Beatrice’s nervousness returned anew. Ava stood before her, carefully explaining the pros and cons of each piece of equipment. 

“These are great, because they are super light. You don’t want to be lugging around thirty pounds of snow gear, you know?” She gestured to the set of crampons. “But they aren’t the most durable, either. I’ve bent probably… Oh, at least four pairs of these.” 

Beatrice held up a hand. “What do you recommend? Which ones do you have?” 

“Hmm…” Ava looked over the display. “These ones.” 

“I’m just going to get the same pair.” 

“Really?” 

“I mean, I trust your recommendation. So yes?” 

“Okay!” Ava seemed as though she was trying not to jump up and down in her excitement. “Now let’s talk ice axes.”

“Again, I’m just going to get the same one that you have.” 

“Boring, but I’ll allow it.” Ava told her with a gentle smile. “Do you need anything else while we’re here? There aren’t many more stops after this.” 

“I’m good.” 

Ava was right, of course. Within minutes of leaving, there were no signs of civilisation anywhere. Only the vast, snowy empty surrounded them.

“You weren’t joking.” 

“Me?” Ava pressed a hand to her chest in false indignation. “I would never joke.” 

“I’m sure.” 

A few minutes of calm silence passed before Ava asked a question that had been on her mind since yesterday. “Are you going to get… I don’t know, in trouble? For leaving?” 

“No. I don’t think so.” 

“Are you sure? What if your parents dig up information about my other crimes?” 

“Do you have more?” Beatrice wasn’t sure if Ava was being serious or not.

“No.” Her voice was full of gravel. “Just the…  _ Arson. _ ”

“Ava… You did the right thing, whether the court saw that or not.” In Beatrice’s perception, Ava seemed touched by sunlight - bathed in gold. This dark mark on her record barely made sense. It was a mistake.

“Perhaps. But being there was wrong regardless. It was a mistake that, even after years, nearly kept… Us… Apart.” 

“I’m here now.” Beatrice whispered. She reached out and squeezed Ava’s shoulder.

“Like I said…” The tears returned to her eyes. “You might have to remind me a few times.” 

“I’ll remind you as many times as you need.” 

“Thank you.” Ava replied, barely audible.

“Thank you.” Beatrice retorted, feeling beyond grateful for her newfound freedom. 

Their first shared problem as a… Couple occurred in the parking lot of the trailhead. “So…” Ava began nervously. “I have two winter tents in here.” She was going through the big drawer that pulled out from her bed. 

“Yes?” Beatrice had a feeling she knew where this conversation was headed. 

“One is a lot bigger than the other…” Ava was hesitant to continue. 

“Yes?” Beatrice could barely contain her smile. 

“I guess what I’m asking is… Well, do you want to sleep… Together? Or separately?” 

“Together, if that’s alright with you.” Beatrice stood beside Ava and wrapped an arm around her waist. “I didn’t come all this way to… To still lay so far away.” 

“Yup. Understood.” Ava choked, before kissing Beatrice’s cheek and running around the other side of the car.

With their gear sorted and backpacks strapped on, they headed down the snowy trail. “This feels oddly familiar, doesn’t it?” Ava wondered as they wound their way through the trees.

“Yes, but different too.” 

“Because we kissed, huh?” Ava couldn’t help but ask.

“I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about it before.” Beatrice felt surprisingly brave since reuniting with Ava. 

“Me too.” Her voice dropped to a tiny whisper. “Though it wasn’t like I expected it to be, either.” 

“No?” Beatrice wasn’t sure if she should be offended or not. 

“In the best way, I mean.” Ava chuckled. “This whole situation is kind of insane, isn’t it?”    
“Undoubtedly.” Beatrice grinned despite the cold that bit at her face.

“But it feels… Right.” Ava concluded. 

JC ran circles around them as they talked and hiked. He had a much easier time working through the snow and relished in that freedom.

“I can’t believe how big he’s gotten.” Beatrice told Ava some time later. 

“Me neither.” Ava looked at him with appreciation in her eyes. “It was nice, having him with me. He made me feel as if I wasn’t totally alone. I guess… You were?” The guilt in her words was clear.

“I had Lilith.” Beatrice admitted, though it was more than a complex situation. Still, she figured she better explain to Ava sooner rather than later. 

“Oh. I… Are you two…?” Ava grew understandably nervous once more. 

“No! Well, yes? We were?” Beatrice sighed as the snow crunched beneath her feet. “It’s more complicated than that. I could explain if you wanted?” 

“I’d like that.” Ava checked the map quickly. “Plus we still have another three miles and a climb across the glacier. Can you explain in that amount of time?” 

“That’s…” Beatrice was about to tell Ava that distance wasn’t a measure of time, but in Ava’s world, it might as well have been. “Yes.” 

She took a deep breath and gathered her memories. “Lilith’s parents are friends, but more importantly, business partners with my parents.” Beatrice began. It was only the tip of the iceberg. “We grew up together. When my family moved to the United States, her’s did as well. Our lives were about as similar as anyone’s could be.” 

Ava didn’t speak, so Beatrice continued. “We both went to the same schools and were forced into similar majors. Following graduation, our parents placed us into jobs at their company. Both of us benefited from their blatant nepotism.”

“Did Lilith hate it as much as you did?” Ava wondered.

“No, but she didn’t  _ like  _ it either. She is more idealistic than I am and was convinced she could change things from the inside.” 

“Has she?” 

“Not yet, but I wouldn’t bet against her either.” Beatrice thought of Lilith and the millions of memories the two of them shared. “We were never officially a couple. Not really. Half the time, we were bitter rivals. Other times, we were nothing more than friends.”

“You’re right, this seems complicated.” Ava whispered. She didn’t show the slight bit of jealousy, rather, her words carried only sympathy for them both. 

“Incredibly so. I still remember…” Beatrice paused. “On our first day of school in America, she was going to out me to a boy in our class, so I punched her in the face. We got in a full blown fight in the hallway, before the first period.” 

“ _ Jesus… _ ”

“We were enemies for about fifteen minutes after that, until we realised a united front would help deal with our parents. And so, the cycle continued for most of our lives.” 

“Do you have feelings for her?” Ava asked before she could stop herself. She had a special talent for cutting to the heart of an issue, but only when she wanted to. Otherwise, she could be as evasive as anyone. 

“No. I never did really, never as more than a friend at least. I remember thinking, even when I was young… It just felt so…  _ Empty. _ ” Beatrice admitted. It was the first time she’d expressed the sentiment aloud. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“What?” Beatrice didn’t know what she expected Ava to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. “Why?” 

“It doesn’t sound like an easy upbringing.” 

“I mean… No, but it sounds better than yours.” Beatrice realised only after speaking, that her words might be offensive. 

“I don’t know if it's that easy to quantify…” Ava looked ahead of them. The trail dipped out of the forest and worked its way steeply uphill, across an ancient ice field. “Besides, we both ended up in the middle of nowhere, together. So who’s to say?” 

“Fair point.” Beatrice stopped beside Ava. The expansive unknown stretched out before them. Gently, Ava took Beatrice’s hand in her own. 

“Ready?” 

“I suppose…” Beatrice moved to step forward, but Ava stopped her. 

“Crampons first.” She instructed, sitting down on a nearby fallen tree. JC was already walking across the expanse, but he had a few unfair advantages.

“Okay…” Beatrice watched Ava strap the severe-looking attachments onto her boots with practiced ease. “Can you help me?” 

“Sure!” Ava hopped up and knelt in front of Beatrice. 

“Thank you.” Beatrice whispered. There was no need for Ava to be so gentle, since she was wearing boots and several layers of clothing. Yet, her movements were inexplicably kind. 

“First, you line up the blades like this…” She demonstrated on Beatrice’s left boot. “Then you strap them shut. At first, the rubber grommet is a little bit tight and hard to work with… But it gets easier over time.” With Ava’s instruction, Beatrice put the other one on herself. 

“Alright.” Beatrice stood, slightly shaky, though Ava was careful to keep a hand on her. “I’m ready.” 

“I’ll keep close to you, okay?” Ava smiled and let the way. Her crampons pierced the ice below the snow, just as designed. “This is a perfect place to learn, actually. It isn’t too steep there isn’t a drop off. Much better than my first time.” 

“What happened your first time?” Beatrice wondered as she tentatively followed behind Ava, quickly getting the hang of it. 

“I stepped weird… Because I was fooling around. I snapped a spike off and then slid down a large bank and got stuck in a ravine.” She stopped walking for a moment to laugh, unaware of the look of horror on Beatrice’s face. “Shannon and Mary were pretty mad, they had to help me out.” 

“Who?”

“Shannon and Mary. Shannon is the one who hired me initially and Mary is her wife. They used to be my bosses, but now Camila is. You’ll probably meet them at some point along the way.” Ava reminisced for a few seconds as Beatrice caught up to her. She was eternally grateful to them both, for a dozen different reasons.

“Camila is your  _ boss _ ?” Beatrice was nervously excited to meet Shannon and Mary, but that wasn’t the detail that stood out to her. 

“Yeah, why?” Ava continued up the icy slope. 

“I just… I’m surprised. You two treat each other as equals, I just assumed you were at the same level.” 

“Nope.” Ava shrugged. “I’m just her lowly employee. I’ve been offered promotions a few times, but I’ve turned them down.”

“Why?” It ran counter to everything Beatrice had been taught.

“I didn’t want to sit behind a desk…” Ava turned. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that as an insult.” 

“Ava, I’ve spent most of my life running away from opportunities to sit at a desk. I understand where you are coming from.” 

“That’s true.” Ava seemed to ponder that for a moment. “The pay leaves a lot to be desired, but that’s alright. Believe it or not, I have a pretty low cost of living.” 

“I can believe that.” Beatrice grinned. Ava had the values she wished she’d been raised with. 

“Although…” Ava turned towards JC, who was waiting for them at the top of the slope. “That big guy is eating me out of house and home these days. It used to be two cups of food a day. Now, it’s six!” 

“Do you know how big he is going to get?” Beatrice asked as she slogged along. 

“Nope. I don’t even know what breed he is.” 

“That’s oddly fitting.” 

“Well, here we are.” Ava mumbled as she reached the top of the glacial slope. Beyond the rim, a wide plateau. There were no trees, but stark, stony peaks jutted from the edges of the expanse. 

“Woah…” Beatrice had never been anywhere this remote. It was a stunning sight, almost alien in it’s foreignness. 

“I know. Wait until sunset.” Ava whispered knowingly. “Here, follow me. We can set up by that group of boulders. It’ll make a decent windbreak.” Beatrice followed without a word, taking in the beautiful surroundings. “This is good.” Ava stopped and slipped her backpack off. She sat down and removed her crampons. Beatrice did the same. 

“No fires up here, obviously.” Ava continued as she unpacked the tent. “But I brought a small stove so we could still have a warm meal. Plus coffee, of course.” 

“Thank you.” Beatrice felt as though the cold had seeped into her bones. A warm meal sounded like the most appealing prospect in the world. 

“Do you need help?” Ava asked suddenly, as she watched Beatrice struggle to get her crampons off. 

“I… Yes.” She was hesitant to admit defeat, though she had no reason to be.

“Here.” Ava slid over. “The latches can be tight when they are new, plus they get stiff in the cold.” She explained as she worked the clasp in her fingers. Beatrice watched on, unapologetically staring at Ava’s perfect features. 

When Ava looked up from her work, she was surprised with a kiss. A passionate warmth in the frozen tundra. At that moment, Beatrice knew. She knew that her relationship with Ava was pure, strong. Most importantly, it wasn’t empty nor hollow. 

“Thank you.” Beatrice whispered as they broke apart.

“I… You’re…” Ava’s cheeks were newly reddened. “You’re welcome.”


	18. Books and Motor Oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice buys books. Ava makes a suggestion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some fluff for u avatrice hoes out there. u know who u are.

_ Six Weeks Later:  _

There was a small bookstore, somewhere in rural Oregon. Beatrice stood in front of a busy shelf, packed with books. Ava watched on from another shelf, as enraptured in Beatrice as Beatrice was in the texts. Eventually, Beatrice had collected a half dozen books, stacked neatly in the basket by her side. 

“Are you ready?” Ava hugged her from behind, burying her face in the fuzzy collar of Beatrice’s flannel. “Wait, is this my shirt?” 

“Maybe…” Beatrice trailed off, savouring Ava’s warmth but still halfway engrossed in a novel. In fairness, their originally separate wardrobes had quickly morphed into one in their weeks on the road. 

“It’s okay. I’m wearing your tank top under my sweater.” Ava admitted, still wrapped around Beatrice. “This is a lot of books.”

“Is that okay?” Beatrice looked down at the stack. “I’ve never really had much time to read whatever I wanted… But now?” The hopefulness in her eyes was oddly heartbreaking. Even with nearly unlimited resources, there were so many experiences that Beatrice missed out on. 

“You can get as many books as you want.” Ava finally released her. She had only two books in hand. The first, a new notebook. The second, a collection of poems.

“Okay.” Beatrice smiled and they quickly checked out. Outside, JC had been waiting under the canopy. Even in the last few weeks, it seemed as though he had doubled in size once more. 

“Ready buddy?” Ava asked, earning herself an enthusiastic tail wag. “Alright, let’s go. Maybe Beatrice will read you one of her nerd books.”

“Hey!” Beatrice objected as she climbed into the passenger seat. “They aren’t nerd books. They’re history books.” 

“I’m just teasing you.” Ava grinned as she started the car. “Actually…” Her face turned suddenly serious, a trademark of her emotional 180s. “I have something important I want to talk to you about.” 

“Oh?” Beatrice raised an eyebrow, unsure of where Ava was headed. From her point of view, the last several weeks had been incredible. Unconventional? Absolutely. But amazing? Yes. 

“I love this car a lot, it’s been one of my only friends since I was a teenager.” As if to emphasise her point, she gently patted the dashboard. “But now, there are two of us, plus a fluffy monster…” She glanced back at JC. “I’m wondering if we should consider something bigger. A fresh start, perhaps. Maybe we could get one of those Sprinter vans and fit a bigger bed -”

“I think that’s a great idea.” Beatrice interrupted. It meant a lot to her that Ava had asked. 

“Really?” 

“Yes, really.” Beatrice felt herself welling up. “It would be a fun project. For us to do… Together.” Of course, they hadn’t technically defined the relationship, but it was clear to them both what they were. 

“It would.” Ava’s mind began to wander, running through the possibilities as she drove along the empty road. She’d be sad to get rid of this Jeep, the car that had gotten her through so much… But, it was perhaps time to open a new chapter of her life. A new, more inclusive chapter. Even after several weeks of travelling with Beatrice, she couldn’t quite get over the delight of having someone with her. There were no more lonely nights, no more sobbing drives as Ava carried herself from one desolate state to another. 

An hour of daydreams had passed before Ava spoke again. “What are you working on?” She asked of Beatrice, who sat with her computer on her lap as Ava drove. There was a sleek looking hotspot that Beatrice had installed in the glovebox and wired to a small solar panel she’d affixed to the roof. 

“Lilith sent me some work, a few tough problems for one of our clients. I figured I’d take the job, on a consultant basis.” Beatrice explained without looking up. 

“Oh?” To be fair, Ava wasn’t sure what Beatrice meant by that. 

“Issues like these are one of the few parts of my job that I liked.” Beatrice clarified, as if sensing Ava’s slight nervousness. “Plus, netting a nice consulting fee isn’t bad either.” 

“What are the problems you’re solving?” Ava wondered quietly. 

“Currently, a supplier is debating where to allocate research and development resources. Should they focus on pure clock speed improvements? Increasing the IPC efficiency? Power efficiency? Or spread out resources between each?”

“Do… Do you want me to answer, or were those questions rhetorical?” Ava mumbled, in awe of Beatrice’s intelligence. 

“They were rhetorical, I suppose.” Beatrice paused for a moment. “It would be stupid to split up resources between eveything.” She whispered, quickly typing a note out on her keyboard. 

“Do you want to go back to work and stop… Whatever this is?” Ava asked tensely. 

“What?” Beatrice sat bolt upright, shocked. “No.” She stared at Ava. “I’ve had… An absolutely amazing time with you. I just… I just wanted to contribute, I guess.” Before they could discuss the issue further, the car made a horrible cranking noise and fell out of gear. Ava threw the hazards on and managed to roll onto the shoulder.

“Maybe it really is time for a new car…” She mumbled, with a surprisingly cheeky grin. 

“No kidding.” Beatrice muttered as she climbed out. She lifted the hood and was immediately greeting with a billowing cloud of smoke. “This is not good.” 

“I’m not an expert, but I’m inclined to believe you.” Ava replied as she joined Beatrice in front of the car. 

“Do you have any tools?” Beatrice inquired as the smoke cleared, giving her a better look inside the chassis. 

“Umm…” Ava ran around to the trunk and dug out a small toolbox, before returning to Beatrice. “This is all I’ve got.” 

“A hammer, a screwdriver, a few rusty nails…” Beatrice narrated as she sorted through the box. “A socket wrench and a box of wood screws.” 

“Yep.” Ava couldn’t help but smile. Sure, it was a far from ideal situation and she couldn’t help but feel as though she had cursed her Jeep. But she still found the situation oddly amusing. Meanwhile, Beatrice found Ava’s optimism endearing. 

“It’s better than nothing. Can you grab a torch?” 

“You’re really just going to… Fix it?” 

“Yes?” Beatrice couldn’t understand why Ava was so impressed. 

“Woah.” Ava breathed once she returned with the flashlight. With the meager selection of tools Ava had provided her, Beatrice quickly got to work.

After a few minutes, Ava stepped back to let Beatrice work. It was clear that she couldn’t help. Instead, she played fetch with JC in the adjacent field. 

“Good boy!” Ava petted him after he returned with the ball for the umpteenth time. Just as she prepared to throw it again, Beatrice interrupted. 

“Ava?” 

“Hm?” Ava turned, her mind still half in daydream. Unsurprisingly, seeing Beatrice woke her up completely. She was still wearing Ava’s lined flannel, though her hair had fallen out of a bun and now hung loose around her face. Her left cheek was adorned with a dark smear of motor oil. In short, she was beautiful, and Ava could barely string together a thought as she walked over. 

“I think I’ve fixed it enough to get us back to civilisation, though I can’t do much more without a proper set of tools. I know you only just suggested a change in vehicle, but we might have to move it up a little bit.” Beatrice explained, as Ava looked on in awe. “Are you listening to me at all?” Beatrice asked, completely unaware of the effect she was having.

“Yes… Umm…” Ava looked down at the snowy ground, then back up at the stunning woman who stood before her. “I love you.” 

“Oh, Ava…” Beatrice’s expression suddenly softened, as she took Ava’s face in her hands. “I love you too.”


	19. A Perfect Fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Beatrice return to where it all began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another ending to a fic. having an emotion.

_ 14 Months Later: _

“It feels weird to be here again.” Beatrice mumbled as they pulled into the snowy lot. 

“It does.” Ava agreed. They stepped out of the van in unison and JC followed them. 

“Colder than last time, though.” Beatrice noted as she shivered. From the storage bins in the trunk, she pulled Ava’s flannel on, then added a jacket over top. 

“Hey, I was going to wear that…” Ava giggled as she bundled up.

“Oh?” Beatrice moved to take it off, but Ava stopped her. 

“I was only kidding. It looks better on you anyhow.” She winked, before lacing up her boots. “Also…” Ava’s tone change was nearly palpable. “I have an idea.” 

“Why do I get the feeling that it isn’t as simple as you wanting pizza for dinner?” Beatrice asked, though she couldn’t help but smile. 

Ava headed for the trail, led by JC and closely followed by Beatrice. “You have to promise you’re not going to freak out.” 

“Ava… You’re worrying me.”

“I don’t mean to…” She sounded nervous in a way Beatrice hadn’t heard in a long time. “Consider, hypothetically, of course… That I  _ maybe  _ wanted to  _ sometimes  _ consider…”

“Oh my  _ God,  _ Ava, just say it.” Beatrice felt her own nervousness intensify. 

“I’ve been living on the road now for nearly a decade.” Ava began with a deep breath. “And while I love it, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to settle down, just a little bit… Maybe only for half the year, but… I don’t know.” 

“Ava… What are you saying?” Beatrice clearly knew what Ava was implying, but she could barely believe what she was hearing. “Do you want to buy a house? Together?”

“I mean…” Ava turned around, a huge grin across her face. “I was thinking more like a cabin, but yes.” 

“Together?” Beatrice seemed to be stuck on that. 

“Yes, obviously.” Ava’s easy laugh filled the trees around them. “You sound surprised.” She added after a few moments of silence.

“In a way, I am.” Beatrice sighed happily. “I always thought, or assumed perhaps, that you were intent on living this way forever.” 

“I used to be.” Ava admitted. “But now I’m less sure. Don’t get me wrong, I love you. I love every second of our adventures together. But sometimes, I can’t help but think about how nice it would be to have a proper bedroom. A kitchen. Maybe a fireplace? It would be really nice to not wake up freezing every day.”

“I understand.” Beatrice whispered. And she did. She too had contemplated these same thoughts, even though Beatrice loved their adventures as much as Ava did - if not more so. 

“I wouldn’t want anything super fancy, of course.” It was clear that Ava had given the topic some consideration. “But maybe a second bedroom? Or an office? I really want a fireplace.”

“You’ve mentioned that twice now.” Beatrice quickened her step to walk alongside Ava, allowing them to hold hands as they hiked. “I think it can be arranged.” 

“Really?” Ava’s eyes were wide and hopeful. “I’ve saved most of the money I’ve made since I started working, though I never really knew  _ what  _ I was saving it for… How much do houses cost?” For a moment, Beatrice only stared at her, completely confused. But it made perfect sense. Why would Ava know, or care, about the housing market?

“It depends on… A lot.” Beatrice told her. Of course, Beatrice was sitting on a small fortune. A cabin was easily within reach. 

A few hours of silence passed, each of them content to enjoy their stunning surroundings. JC darted about, jumping through snow piles and chasing after birds. Of course, as is the way, they were interrupted by the incessant ring of Ava’s phone. 

“It’s Camila.” Ava whispered as she looked at the screen. “The clearing is just up ahead, I can meet you there?” Beatrice nodded and JC followed her around the bend in the trail. 

“Hello?” 

“Ava! Where are you!?” Camila sounded… Not angry, yet not pleased, either. 

“Erm… Montana…” Ava mumbled. 

“Why? You were scheduled to meet with Shannon today?” 

“Oh yeah…” Ava of course remembered this, but had taken the detour anyhow. Maybe if she pretended to forget, Camila would cut her some slack. 

“Don’t play stupid with me. What are you up to?” 

“We took a bit of a… Scenic route…” 

“Ava, seriously, this sort of diversion is not like you -” 

“I think today’s the day, Cam.” Ava whispered into the receiver. 

“What!?!” Camila shouted. “ _ What?! _ ” 

“So please pass along my apologies to Shannon, I will be there as soon as I can.” Ava hung up before Camila could freak out anymore. 

As she shoved the phone back into her pocket, it buzzed furiously, no doubt with dozens of text from Camila. Ava chuckled under her breath as she followed Beatrice’s footprints up the trail. Around the corner, she was greeted with a heartwarming sight. 

Beatrice stood beside JC as she looked up the cliff face, where she had met Ava for the first time. It was a day that undoubtedly changed both their lives. Quietly, Ava joined Beatrice. 

“I think we both knew it was a special day, even then.” Beatrice whispered as Ava grabbed her hand. 

“I was a bit scared to admit it to myself, but you’re right.” 

“You know, I told myself over and over again I wasn’t going to call. That I  _ couldn’t. _ ” 

“Why?” Ava tore her gaze from the jagged cliff and looked at Beatrice. 

“I could give you a million reasons. None of them matter anymore.” She laid her head on Ava’s shoulder. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Ava smiled as a tear slid across her cheek. “Even if you do keep stealing my shirt.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…” Beatrice giggled, snuggling into Ava’s side and savouring the warmth of her lined flannel.

“Just don’t steal the snacks I keep in the pockets.” Ava replied, barely able to contain herself. 

“What?” Beatrice pulled off her glove and reached into the pocket of Ava’s shirt. “This isn’t -” She froze, as Ava knelt in the snow. 

“Ava…” Beatrice choked, as her reaction caught up her thoughts. 

“So I was thinking…” Ava began, fully crying, but smiling all the while. “Well, I’ve been thinking about this for a while, actually.” She took Beatrice’s hand in her own. “ _ God,  _ I should have written this out but I wanted to be authentic… Our time together has been the best of my life. By miles.”

“Mine too.” Beatrice agreed in a strangled voice. 

“We would do something small, of course… Preferably outside, since I don’t think many churches would have us.” Ava paused and took a deep breath in an effort to collect herself. “I’m getting ahead of myself.” Fresh tears fell to the snow beneath them. “Beatrice, will you marry me?” 

Ava looked up, her dark eyes burning with hopeful joy. “Ava…” Beatrice hesitated, though she knew her answer and had for months. But she wanted to remember this moment forever - exactly as it was. “I would love to.” Beatrice mumbled, causing Ava to jump from the ground and into her arms. They both tumbled over into the snow, laughter and tears between them. That, and JC desperately trying to ‘help.’

“I’m really glad you said yes.” Ava whispered as she laid beside Beatrice in the snow. “I hope the ring is the right size. I’ll admit, I don’t know anything about jewelry. 

“That doesn’t matter.” Beatrice replied. Her cheeks blushed furiously. 

“May I?” Ava gently took Beatrice’s hand and slid the ring onto her finger. 

Like their lives together, it fit perfectly. 


End file.
